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Questioning Faith Part Two

posted 12/7/2006 5:13:03 PM |
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Ulak: Hey, Grog!
Grog: (still fucking the goat) I told U 2 get Ur own goat, Ulak.
Ulak: C’mon, Grog, this is important. (He shows Grog the Bible) Do U see what I have here?
Grog: What is it?
Ulak: It’s the Bible, Grog.
Grog: What’s a Bible?
Ulak: It’s the word of The Almighty. And it says right here that U have 2 stop fucking that goat.
Grog: Right where?
Ulak: (He points 2 where it says thou shall not fuck goats) See, right there.
Grog: I can’t read.
Ulak: No? Wow…that really sucks, man. I didn’t know that. Well, I guess Ur just gonna have 2 take my word 4 it. Oh…and by the way…it also says U have 2 give God ten percent of Ur shit. I’ll go ahead and take that now and give it 2 him when I see him.
Grog: What? Says who?
Ulak: Says God.
Grog: God? I thought U said his name wuz Al something or other? So who is this God character and why is he fucking with me?
Ulak: U don’t know about God? Well, let me tell U a story… (He tells Grog their concoction from the week B4)
Grog: Holy shit! (Letting go of the goat) I don’t wanna go 2 hell! Maybe I better rethink this whole marriage deal. Hey…do U know if those bitches are still staying at that spot over by the glacier?
Ulak: That’s my boy right there! U know they are, fool! C’mon…I’ll go with U.
Grog: Let’s do it!
Ulak: U’ll like being married, bro…It’s not that bad at all.
Grog: Really?
Ulak: Really. Besides that…pretty soon, Ur wife will give U some kids.
Grog: U like having kids?
Ulak: Hell yeah! They’re way easier 2 catch than goats!

Of course, they polished it up a little and added a sin here and a miracle there B4 it hit wide release, but they could tell by how fast Grog broke them off their ten percent that they had a winner. A few years later they put out a sequel, Son of God, which proved 2 be even more popular than the original (This time they gave U a choice. Take this or I will kill U. Most of the time people asked, “Is there any way I can get two?”), this despite the fact that purists felt that fatherhood had made God go soft. Where wuz the fire? Where wuz the brimstone? What’s with all this 4givness crap? And will somebody please show me where it says anything about our ten percent?

And what happened 2 Grog? After that, he went 2 church every Sunday, wuz married many times and had more children than U can shake a stick at.

But, hey…
At least he wuzn’t going 2 Hell.


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Questioning Faith Part Two