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Daughter drama (The day after Easter 2009)

posted 4/13/2009 6:43:05 PM |
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tagged: daughter, straddle, life

I hung up a little bit ago with Natasha. She was suppose to call me back a day or two ago to continue talking about the wedding she wants. I told her that I had some great concerns and that I think she's making a mistake. I could hear it in her voice that she wasn't all that happy about how I feel about it. She was a little defensive and was reading me wrong somewhat as far as throwing out claims that I don't approve of Branden. I told her I didn't say that. I asked her how they planned on making it, and she said how they are now. I thought to myself OMG, they're going to continue living off the system and have no goals on trying to get off. She then made another claim that I think they're bums because of the assistance right now. I told her that wasn't true. My worry was that she would not finish up her LPN courses that she's been taking. Well, she then told me she quit that right now, and I asked why, and she said that there are other things going on right now to continue it. I asked her when Branden was going to get his ged. She said that he quit that too. I asked why and she didn't offer any reason. Knowing the person I am i pried and asked more questions on this to find out what the reason was why he quit. I asked her when he started with those courses, and she said November. I then pressed the issue a little further and asked when he was suppose to finish all that up. She told me that whenever he was ready for the test. I pressed a little harder and she told be that they had told him after taking a test already and having flunk it that he only had a 6th grade reading level. I asked her what grade was he in when he dropped out of high school, and she said 10th. I said if that were true how did he make it as far as he did in high school. She didn't know. She said that he's going to start work at a factory near a McDonalds where they make bird houses. I rolled my eyes and asked her how much they paid. She told me they pay $8.50 an hour. I told her that's not enough to bring home to support both of them, including four kids. She thought it was and said it would be better than what they're going through now. She continueed on bringing up the fact that others, including her mom and her aunt Vicki were happy for her. I then said, okay, lets go another route with this. It's easy to tell someone they're happy for them and not be truthful while having worries. She said her aunt is being honest. I told her that a lot of people she knows are content with that way of life, and that I wanted the best for her. She said that's what she wants. I then told her that I remember her telling me that she didn't want to end up like her mom where she had to have a man in her life, and that she didn't want to ever end up like her mom as far as being into drugs, struggling to make it, and having no goals in life. I also told her that her mind changes from year to year about what she wants in life. She then told me that she's always wanted to have kids and to get married. I told her when she was a senior in high school she wanted to go to Las Vegas out there where they had an excellent field with lab work in law enforcement. Then it was going to Cincinnati instead for law enforcement while enrolled into college. Then it was this LPN training course to help and get paid after being certified to help care for her own son, my grandson, Alex. Now she doesn't have any goals other than having another baby and getting married. She said that Branden is very good at taking care of Alex, but I told her that 's good and all, but there's more to trying to survive than that. She loves him, but I have heard her say that about Willie, and the guy before Willie.

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Apr 13 @ 6:54PM  
She then wanted to hang up and start making dinner. She said I love you, and I told her I love her too. That's a good sign considering she's hurt and a little upset that I'm not for this. I guess we'll see what happens in the coming days. I think she's going to tell Branden that I don't approve of him, but I told her that she wouldn't being doing any favors sharing that with him, especially when I feel that they're both too young to get married. This talk was meant to between me and her, father-daughter, and no one else. But she has a big mouth where she tells everything she knows. So I'm not sure if there's going to be some resentment on his part on what and if she decides to tell him. Like I said, the guy seems like a nice guy, but there's more to this than being just a nice guy. Hopefully she will think about all this for another month before her set date for marriage on May 22. I will continue keeping everyone posted.

Apr 13 @ 7:22PM  
She's going to regret it. My head wasn't outta my ass yet when I was her age.......I hope she realizes it before she goes thru with it.

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Apr 13 @ 7:25PM  
She's going to regret it. My head wasn't outta my ass yet when I was her age.......I hope she realizes it before she goes thru with it.
I think most of us our like that when we're young.

Apr 13 @ 7:28PM  
I feel for you Shawn. Just keep on the track you're on. I feel that's the best route. Youmight try to get them both to sit down you and make short-term and long-term plans and goals. This may help in the motivaion area.

Apr 13 @ 8:25PM  
I think I was about 32 or 33 before I finally "grew up". Wait...not too sure if I'm really "grown up" yet.....that would be boring.

Seriously, you let her know how you feel....and even though you want to protect her from getting hurt...she's got to learn. Some of us have to learn the hard way...that's part of growing up. She knows you love her.

Apr 13 @ 8:56PM  
I feel for you. It has got to be tough when it is your kid but I think you are on the right track. Stay positive.

Apr 13 @ 9:06PM  
Please take this with the kindness that I mean for it to be....I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that you had heard all of this about Willie, and the man before Willie, you will be hearing the same thing about the man after Brandan and the man after that man, that said, there is nothing that you can do, you have tried to offer your opinion, suggested things that might make her life easier. IMHO she enjoys the life she is living, or she would be grasping at any straw to help her improve her current state of affairs.

You are not to blame, she is an adult woman, any and all choices that she makes are choices that she is making.

Pray for her children, and sleep peacefully in your bed each night, knowing that you can not affect her desisions

Apr 13 @ 10:20PM  
Good Luck

Apr 14 @ 12:06AM  
You told her how you felt... Thats all you can do. She has to learn on her own of what she really needs and wants Shawn...
It is hard being a parent...
Comet said it all pretty well..


Apr 14 @ 12:52AM  
You need to tell her your feelings for Branden are not against him. She says he's a good father and good with Alex and let her know you are genuinely happy about that.

Your concerns are for the long term...not the short term. Life for them is in the now, today but one must prepare for tomorrow and that's what you are concerned about.

That's all I'm going to say. You have to do what you feel is right, make your own decisions of where you will stand and how far you will go to help her out.

But I suspect, like all parents you're gonna have to just let go, stand back and watch her live her own life no matter what she does. Things have a way of working out even if it takes years and a lot of heartache.

My Mom watched me screw up time and time again for years and I did the same with my daughters yet myself and my girls turned out pretty good. Natasha will too in spite of the hard knocks along the way.

Apr 14 @ 6:17AM  
Yup, I agree with the comments of the room. Good luck Shawn.

Apr 14 @ 10:14AM  
you can give your feelings on how you feel, she has to learn from her mistakes, remember how it was when u were her age, i know my mom didnt think any guy was good for me, i didnt listen to her i was listening to my heart, but the things she told me was all true, but it took me to marry this man 4 10 yrs to find it out:) just be there for her, and dont tell her see i told u so, good luck .

Apr 14 @ 11:57AM  
Yeah...I'm afraid your daughter is probably going to end up learning the hard way. Unfortunately, I had to and boy, if only I could go back and do it over again. Like Softie said about not "growing up" until she was 32 or 33...well I'm 34 and that's exactly right. I have just now within the last couple years realized who I am and what I need to do to with my life. All you can do is give her advice and hope that she'll listen to you.

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Daughter drama (The day after Easter 2009)