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Different ways of looking at things...

posted 4/6/2009 4:03:15 PM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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tagged: humor, straddle
  StraddleMyNose

...(Or the uncertainty of the English language)


Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
Steve said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

---------------------------------------------------------
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

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'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court
Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and

then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

---------------------------------------------------------
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took
the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

-----------------------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that
were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

----------------------------------------------------------
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take
to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

----------------------------------------------------------
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective..
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

-----------------------------------------------------------
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

----------------------------------------------------------

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.

........................................................................

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

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   read more blogs!

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Comments:

post a comment!

bandit892

Apr 6 @ 4:06PM  
Cootiesprayer

Apr 6 @ 4:18PM  
Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

SHAME ON YOU STRADDLE!!!

but funny . I suppose 1 kudo. but that's all you are getting
StraddleMyNose

Apr 6 @ 4:19PM  
I'm sure Bruce has heard of most of these if not all
Wordsofwit

Apr 6 @ 6:33PM  
Yep, several times. But it has been well over a year since I saw them here. I Believe that that Peach woman from Maine was the last of several to post them.
1bunny629

Apr 6 @ 6:55PM  
My cab driver took a couple to the airport. They were flying to Charlotte, NC. Less than 30 minutes later the man called to say they needed a ride home. He had purchased tickets to Charlston, SC by accident and their flight wouldn't be till tomorrow. I don't know how that happened, but it is funny!
sugarnspice005

Apr 6 @ 7:13PM  
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.


That is so bad!
But funny!
NightOfOld

Apr 6 @ 8:31PM  
[QUOTE]

'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'




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Different ways of looking at things...