Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.
-- Dorothy Parker
Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
-- Steve Martin
Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
-- Charles Pierce
Conversation like television set on honeymoon...unnecessary.
-- Peter Sellers (as Mr Wang in Murder by Death, 1976)
A girl's legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part.
-- Redd Foxx (from Comedy Album - Huffin and Puffin)
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-- Phyllis Diller
Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
-- Woody Allen (Hollywood Ending, 2002)
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
-- Woody Allen (Crimes and Misdemeanors, 1989)
I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though.
-- Elton John
Sex is more fun than cars but cars refuel quicker than men.
-- Germaine Greer
Forget health clinics and gyms. Sex is the best cure. One good night of sex and your problems are gone.
-- Grace Jones
Sex is nature, and I believe in going along with nature.
-- Marilyn Monroe
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!
-- Drew Carey
Sex is a two-way treat.
-- Franklin P Jones
It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
-- Drew Carey
Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.
-- Dave Letterman (My FAVOriTe)
Sex is the best high. It's better than any drug. I want to die making love because it feels so good.
-- Bai Ling
Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.
-- Rita Rudner
I think I mentioned to Bob [Geldof] I could make love for eight hours. What I didn't say was that this included four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie.
Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
-- Billy Crystal (City Slickers, 1991)
He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
-- Les Dawson
Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.
-- Barry Humphries
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.
-- Joan Rivers
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to?
-- Bette Midler
Continental people have sex lives; the English have hot-water bottles.
-- George Mikes (How To Be An Alien, 1946)
The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.
-- Rita Rudner
I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me.
-- Tallulah Bankhead
I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.
-- Garry Shandling
As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.
-- Scott Roeben
Hope you all had a laugh, anyone wanna fuck???
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