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Sex Vs. Kids . . . Sex & Kids . . . Who's Kiddin' Whom?

posted 3/18/2009 11:44:52 PM |
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Oy ve. Sex. Kids. Yikes! I've had some sex. I've had no kids. Still, I have a kid. Temporarily, please God. Please.

After a lot of years, plus, surgery, I can rest assured I ain't poppin' out no puppies. For four months (plus a little), tho, I've been a stand-in 'mommy' to a 10-year-old whose mom and brothers are in a homeless shelter. Egads. It ain't a pretty place for menopause.

Are all 10-year-olds sure that they've got everything figured out? Do they all think they know best? Is everyone so "bleeding heart liberal" that they think kids should get away with BS because they've got problems?

My stint as a "parent" was to be 'up to 3 months.' At 4+ months, Mom was supposed to get a place on St. Patty's Day - and said she 'wasn't told she'd need $225 - $240' (depends on who she told the story to, apparently) to be able to move. Tuesday, the kid was disrespectful in school. Didn't know Mom blew it to move that evening. Today, he lied about how he was 'supposed' to visit with his mom, then kept smarting off and being disrespectful to me when I went to pick him up at his grandmother's place.

I'm a believer in discipline. The kid knows better. Heck, he's shown that to me over the last few months. Still, he pushed it past the edge of all reason tonight.

Tell me, sage parents (and I'm not being sarcastic here!) - how do you raise a responsible child? As I see it, if he tries to pull this crap, that he tried to pull on me tonight, on others . . . he'll end up beat up, cut up, or in a body bag. I didn't even begin to 'tone up' on the kid - unless you count telling him to straighten up and fly right. I did, however, inform him that he was pretty obvious in his games and that someone, sometime, will clean his clock if he keeps trying his crap.

Any feedback?

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Mar 19 @ 7:01AM  
Lynx, first of all, thanks for helping a family in need.

Second, the nut doesn't fall far from the tree, to use a cliche'. Like you, I've never reproduced, but I used to teach high school. Scary thought, I know. Anyway, I could roughly tell what the parents were like based on how the kids behaved in school. So, on open house nights, I got few surprises when I met the parents. Based on this, the mom could be a piece of work, too.

Then, too, the kid is going through a rough spot and could be acting out. It doesn't excuse his behavior, just explains it. Hopefully, he'll grow out of it.

Four months in a situation the kid believes is temporary is a tough situation to help the kid. Good luck with it!

Mar 19 @ 8:39AM  
I do know this much need and want boundaries no matter how much they's a safety zone for them. They also need consistency and follow through in discipline. Never put off discipline with warnings after warnings. If you've told him to clean his room then don't spend all day warning him what will happen if he doesn't. Stop whatever you're doing and deal with it.

My daughter use to fight with her kids the entire day over things she told them to do and by evening her nerves would be so frayed that she'd end up just exploding, the fight was on and nothing ever got accomplished...or learned.

Never threaten with anything you're not willing to carry out...and promptly. To tell a kid if he doesn't do something you're gonna knock him into the next century is fruitless. If you tell them you're gonna take away their gameboy for 48 hrs. that is believeable and reasonable..then do it without hesitation if they don't comply.

Set boundaries and stick to them. Be consistent...and don't back down when you tell them this will happen if you do...or don't do...that.

This kid is scared, displaced and his life is fractured...he's acting out and crying for a safety zone and reassurance that someone cares enough to stand toe to toe with him because he matters in a world that has fallen apart for him. He may feel that it was somehow HIS fault. He needs to be made to feel secure, wanted and although his actions doesn't show this it's the only way a child knows how to communicate...they aren't equipped to put it in words.

Hope that helps.

Mar 19 @ 10:42AM  
Thanks for the feedback, folks!

Softie, there's no idle threats or putting off dealing with issues here. With his 'crap' acted out at his grandmother's, he got immediate punishment when I took the $6 she gave him for helping her sort her medications - I gave it back to her, letting her know that he didn't deserve it because of his behavior. He really reacted to it - bawling his head off - but, frankly, she's been very generous with him and he's got a good stash of cash, so he didn't need it anyway. Besides - he can bawl at the drop of a hat and be happy as a clam in less than two minutes.

Beyond dealing with the disrespect (which I have no tolerance for), his family members always seem to cater to him when he acts out like this. If he pouts and plays "poor pitiful me," they react with having him visit with someone he wants to see (brother, dad, whoever) to placate him. I shudder to think what will happen when he pulls his stuff on someone outside the family and outside a school. That would be one rude awakening.

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Sex Vs. Kids . . . Sex & Kids . . . Who's Kiddin' Whom?