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Hopefully A Laugh To Start Your Day....

posted 3/17/2009 1:39:25 AM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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Did you ever just want to just disappear after something you said??
To anyone who has already heard these...sorry.

Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me".
His friend says "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill".
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.
"You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, my God you're disgusting" etc.
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."
She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars".
"Ahh yes, he also pee'd in my trousers."

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word. I think he knew better.

The other day I was at the golf store comparing the different kinds of golf balls. Lately I've been unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good- looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget and I avoid that store any time I'm at that mall.

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Mar 17 @ 1:50AM  

Mar 17 @ 2:27AM  
My husband didn't say a word. I think he knew better.

Yeah....he already KNEW how much it cost.


Mar 17 @ 6:54AM  
Oh CL, ya got me grinnin an shakin my head doncha know.....

Mar 17 @ 8:16AM  
Piss in my

Mar 17 @ 9:43AM  
"I think I like playing with men's balls."

Mar 17 @ 9:51AM  
My son he was about 24 at the time and I went to a Baskin-Robbins one day. We ordered sundaes. The young lady made mine first and handed it to me, then his. We both had the whipped cream and cherry on top. My son accidently tilted his and the whipped cream and cherries slid off to the floor. Without thinking I told the young lady that my son had lost his cherry and could he get another. Her expression was priceless.

Mar 17 @ 10:26AM  

Mar 17 @ 10:28AM  
I told the young lady that my son had lost his cherry and could he get another. Her expression was priceless.
kind of like that!

Mar 17 @ 1:33PM  
shampoo and a blow job?"
...I guess this would be called a 2 fer 1....Maybe more men would go to the hair salon if they got the blow treatment while waiting for their woman?

Mar 17 @ 8:55PM  

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Hopefully A Laugh To Start Your Day....