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'Cause Skwirl said so...

posted 3/11/2009 12:07:53 AM |
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  evild614

If I ruled the world...

Anything that didn't hurt another person or infringe on their livelihood, would be legal. Period.

Nobody would be above the law- no one. Start a war and you could be charged in an international court for a thousand counts of murder. Police brutality would now fall under assault and battery- usually armed assault and battery.

One day a week I'd have an informal press conference with popular pundits from all sides. No press secretary, no sensationalism to distort my words. If they want to be there they have to broadcast my statements unedited, in their entirety. Fake news shows like the Daily Show and the O'Reilly Factor and that "remix" presidential speeches would be required to have a little note at the bottom of the screen reading, "Not actual speech"

Rappers who talk about "keeping it real" who get a paycheck from Viacom Corporation must wear silly hats on stage and in videos.

Flava Flav will assist them.

In places where clean tap water is widely available, bottled water is taxed at $75 per bottle. This money will go to create clean water infrastructures for people who have none.

People who dump their used motor oil on the ground will be forced to lick it up.

People who dump their used motor oil on the ground in areas where people rely on well water will be shot.

Speaking of water, birth control will be put into the world's water supplies until every orphanage and foster home on the planet is completely empty.

Honda will be given 20 billion dollars to re-tool their car line-up to run on powertrains derived from the FCX Clarity.

Ford, GM, and Chrysler will be given 20 billion and complete corporate/property/capital gains tax immunity for 5 years if the boards from each company sign, in blood, an agreement to have similar fuel cell cars rolling off the assembly line in 5 years.

Exxon and BP will be given free land and local tax immunity to build a hydrogen fueling infrastructure.

Until hydrogen cars make up 40% of cars on the road, anyone driving an SUV, with 3 or fewer people in it, on a clear, dry day, on modern paved roads, will be refused service at the pump. Complimentary bicycles will be available to get home. Same for anyone driving a 3/4-ton or larger pickup not carrying a large load or towing something.

Every time Microsoft releases a new operating system that is just a prettied-up version of the previous one, Bill Gates loses a testicle.

For every computer that Apple sells for $2000 that is no more powerful than a $800 PC, Steve Jobs receives a kick to the face.

Any illegal immigrant, from any country to any country, who gets a job within 6 months of living in their new country, will be made legal.

Young-looking undercover operatives from the Bunny Ranch will be placed in every high school. Frustrated boys who are on the verge of shooting up their schools will mysteriously end up getting laid before they snap.

All suburban and rural roads will have sidewalks, and are to be used, dammit.

My right-hand man, Barack Obama, will convert to Islam, start wearing a turban and adopt a thick Arabic accent. Just to piss people off. They already have a half-Mexican Jew as World Emperor to deal with.

All world religions will have one requirement: Leave other people the hell ALONE! Any religious activists found not playing well with others will be sent to "Faith Mellowing Centers" which contain a lot of marijuana and hand-holding, or if that doesn't work, gas chambers.

Countries with standing militaries will be required to supply EVERY soldier with kevlar or nomex armor and to armor all their combat vehicles against bullets and small explosives. Countries that do not or cannot comply may not attack other countries.

The other condition to go to war- all members of the armed forces of a country considering war get to vote on it. If they vote it down, no war.

Violence will be dealt with more severely than sex. For once.

Education will be a higher priority than war. For once.

And most importantly...

Sporting/concert/event venues that serve beer will be required to sell at least one brand of import or microbrew that you can actually taste. And said beer will be sold for the same price it goes for in a bar, not eight bucks for a tiny paper cup!

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   read more blogs!

Blogs by evild614:
A new rule
The Seven-Year Itch [warning- long]
Banging the ex
And then you say, Oh what a lovely tea party
The all-request show
'Cause Skwirl said so...
Clearing the air
Something offensive
The right to be kinky pt. 2
The right to be kinky
Dumb guys vs. dumb girls
Back... again
RIP Betty Page
Thank you for calling the internet
IM with a spammer
The Campaign Trail- An Insider's Perspective.
The Milf Speaks
For the fellas
What is "Classic Rock?"
Blogs about Mexicans
Would you fuck someone who was mentally gifted?
Back
Gas prices- why NOT to buy a hybrid
Fuck my life
The Ant and the Grasshopper- continued.


Comments:

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ThePurpleProphet

Mar 11 @ 2:37AM  
Can you please add a law that says that every billion dollars spent on the space program a equal amount amount is given to homeless around the world and another equal amount towards eduacation.

StraddleMyNose

Mar 11 @ 3:45AM  
In places where clean tap water is widely available, bottled water is taxed at $75 per bottle.
Okay, this I agree with! lol
evild614

Mar 11 @ 9:43AM  
Can you please add a law that says that every billion dollars spent on the space program a equal amount amount is given to homeless around the world and another equal amount towards eduacation.

Actually, as it stands the Federal budget gives about ten times as much to social/human services programs and education as it does to NASA.

Under my rule, NASA will be funded privately. Any religious or "family values" group that campaigns against abortion or birth control will be required to donate money to space exploration so we find somewhere to put all these damned babies!
theSkwirl

Mar 11 @ 10:09AM  
Wow, well with the possible exception of giving up my jeep... I'm all for all your ideas. Well done!

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'Cause Skwirl said so...