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If I Ruled the World...

posted 3/10/2009 5:17:39 PM |
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  DarkKnightWalking

Now skwirl...you KNOW who would respond to THAT topic suggestion...
*Wicked Laugh*


If I Ruled the World...

There would be...

Legalized Government Pot instead of cheese...

Slow drivers in the left lane would be shot on sight. Also cell phone driver/talkers.

ALL the current administrations around the world would either be thrown out and started over, UNLESS they would sign a contract to visit "Madame Bitchez House of Pain," twice weekly, so that she could administer to them what they been doing to us for all these years and a reminder for them NOT to do it anymore. Plus all their salaries would be cut 80%, so again they would know personally what "Budget Cuts" really mean. And this includes every office down to small town mayor. Lets find out who really cares about their respective countries after all.

Public flogging and the stocks will be reinstated as a main punishment tool. Any children caught misbehaving and lacking a spanking publically, the parents would get the spanking in the stocks. Both of them.

Wars are banned and completely illegal. Any sort of disagreement of that caliber must be settled by the two arguing heads of state stripping to the waist, jumping into a pit and beating each other senseless till one of them gives up. I will have none of this anonymous button pushing or phone calls sending thousands to their doom bullshit. Open yer mouth, ya gonna back that shit up eye to eye and personal like.

Anyone participating in terrorist activity will be sentenced to a public display of having their genitals removed and sewn up their ass. I don't give a fuck what nationality you are.

Illegal aliens will be caught, tagged with locator anklets and returned. They do it a second time, they face a panel of 12 teamsters, in a warehouse for one hour, alone and naked.

Healthcare will be discounted worldwide under a co-pay program. If you cannot afford that, we will provide you some sort of job to work it off.

Want government aid? No problem, we will give you aid for one year only, provided you cannot show proof of some serious medical disability that requires more time. And if not, you will agree to a background check, random drug testing, attend college courses to train you or raise your job skills to obtain employment. All licensed businesses around the world will also register with their local governments for job placement availability. As for dependents, we will only cover the ones you currently have, up to a maximum of 4. No additional aid if you have any more while enrolled. Way we see it, if you cant afford to eat, you cant afford MORE kids. And we will show you ways to stop that shit if you request.

Both genders will be required to serve in the military from ages 18-21. So todays kids can get a real reality slap and grow the fuck up. Gays and lesbians? Come along, I have seen some pretty badass folk from both, we will give you your own squad and let's see what ya do with it. However, if ya fuck it up, we will have to withdraw that rule.

Violent crimes will be met with equal response. Abuse a spouse, whether you are male or female, doesn't matter. You get 30 minutes in the pit with the current heavyweight champion of the UFC. Naked.
Rape someone? 30 minutes in the pit with a half dozen sumo wrestlers and a powdered glass coated ball bat. Naked.
Armed assault? You are one of the silhouettes at the far end of the firing range at the next first time firearms user class. Pray they're as newbie as they claim...
Molest a child? ALL of your offending appendages will be removed and the remainder of your sorry carcass will be dangled over the lip of an active volcano about 50 feet down until you expire.
bottom line is...you take away someone's rights as a human being, we take away yours...

Anyway...that's just a start. I will now take questions from the floor concerning any other issues anyone has a question about and how it will be handled under this new regime...
*Wicked Smile*

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Comments:

post a comment!

zaralyon

Mar 10 @ 5:31PM  
ALL the current administrations around the world would either be thrown out and started over, UNLESS they would sign a contract to visit "Madame Bitchez House of Pain," twice weekly, so that she could administer to them what they been doing to us for all these years and a reminder for them NOT to do it anymore. Plus all their salaries would be cut 80%, so again they would know personally what "Budget Cuts" really mean. And this includes every office down to small town mayor.

Please tell me that the salary cuts don't effect the clerical office peons ya know the ones on the bottom of the totum pole?


Molest a child? ALL of your offending appendages will be removed and the remainder of your sorry carcass will be dangled over the lip of an active volcano about 50 feet down until you expire.

sorry but thats not bad enough, there's lots worse torture out there.
40yearoldvirgin

Mar 10 @ 5:33PM  
You sure have lots of rules. I think rules are too complicated. Let's get rid of them. Let's hand out weapons to everyone and tell them to look after themselves. No rules. No laws. Of course I get the biggest baddest weapons. Nuclear hand grenades!
DarkKnightWalking

Mar 10 @ 5:41PM  
Please tell me that the salary cuts don't effect the clerical office peons

No, clerical/staff/assistant and any other type positions will all be evaluated and most likely referred for a raise. Otherwise, we will have lots better jobs for you. Ever grow pot?

there's lots worse torture out there.
Suggestion boxes will be installed at all public punishments...

Let's hand out weapons to everyone and tell them to look after themselves. No rules. No laws.

Why that would be...
Be...
Barbaric!!!
FriendlyKitten

Mar 10 @ 5:44PM  
I was going to write a If I ruled the world blog, but now I want you to rule it.
zaralyon

Mar 10 @ 5:45PM  
Suggestion boxes will be installed at all public punishments...

I'll be sure to attend a few,
DarkKnightWalking

Mar 10 @ 5:48PM  
I was going to write a If I ruled the world blog, but now I want you to rule it.

Aww, thanks Kitten.



*emails Zaralyon front row tickets*
theSkwirl

Mar 10 @ 6:21PM  
Heheheh and you wonder how I got to be the Prez? I get paid nuts!

So.. if you ruled the world.. would duracell become a public domain? I'm just askin.. would you offer fresh batteries to those who are suffering?

Question.. if War were outlawed.. what would the military be doing? Come on you can't just drop that on us without a splanation.
DarkKnightWalking

Mar 10 @ 6:27PM  
would duracell become a public domain?

TWO batteries in every...umm......whatever....


The Military would be absorbed into society in several facets and phases. Security, law enforcement, pit mess cleanup, better mall cops....and we got a lot of openings for dope growers and plantation staff.
theSkwirl

Mar 10 @ 6:43PM  
Ooooh can I be an overseer with a whip an everthang?
DarkKnightWalking

Mar 10 @ 6:48PM  
*Crack*
Growin da pot, bawwss....

(Have to see "Cool Hand Luke" to get that. )


Sure thing...will that be black kidskin or pleather for your uniform...?
Sunshine79

Mar 10 @ 6:51PM  
sorry but thats not bad enough, there's lots worse torture out there

Zara plays ruff!! I like it!!
NightOfOld

Mar 10 @ 7:21PM  

I nominate DKW for current world leader.
He's the Man. If he can't do it,...no one can.
DarkKnightWalking

Mar 10 @ 7:30PM  
WOOT, two solid votes....

Thanks, Bro.
StraddleMyNose

online now!
Mar 10 @ 7:33PM  
You're kidding, right?
DarkKnightWalking

Mar 10 @ 7:36PM  
Actually....


Yes.
Left lane drivers and cell phone talkers would get one warning.
lunanegra

Mar 10 @ 7:39PM  
the parents would get the spanking in the stocks.

Well, that would really get some repeat offenders if they were closet freaks. I'd probably lie just to get mines,heh.
DarkKnightWalking

Mar 10 @ 7:42PM  
I'd probably lie just to get mines,heh.


Personal...private appointments available on request...
theSkwirl

Mar 10 @ 9:03PM  
Kidskin of course.. I want the real McCoy not some of that fakey crap.
lunanegra

Mar 10 @ 9:16PM  
Personal...private appointments available on request...

Cheeky devil...

Oh,and if anyone is interested- something called Jennifer Government. You can't rule the world,but you can make up your own nation-state. It looks kinda cool.
sugarnspice005

Mar 10 @ 9:22PM  
It all sounds good to me!
BlueEyes708

Mar 10 @ 11:27PM  
If you ruled the world, what would that make me???

OK, I told you I was going to do this.

Lyrics to If I Ruled The World :
If I ruled the world
Every day would be
The first day of Spring
Every heart would have
A new song to sing
And we'd sing of the joy
Every morning would bring

If I ruled the world
Every man would be
As free as a bird
Every voice would be
A voice to be heard
Take my word
We would treasure each day
That occurred

My world would be
A beautiful place
Where we would weave
Such a wonderful dream
My world would wear
A smile on its face
Like the man in the moon
When the moon beams

If I ruled the world
Every man would say
The world was his friend
There'd be happiness
That no man could end
No my friend
Not if I ruled the world
Every head
Would be held up high
There'd be sunshine
In everyone's sky
If day ever dawned
When I ruled the world
If I ruled the world
[ If I Ruled The World Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]


DarkKnightWalking

Mar 10 @ 11:29PM  
Baby....

You ARE my world....


Wordsofwit

Mar 10 @ 11:37PM  
Most of this is weird and off the wall to me. But two points are worthy of note as being good ideas and/or funny.
Illegal aliens will be caught, tagged with locator anklets and returned. They do it a second time, they face a panel of 12 teamsters, in a warehouse for one hour, alone and naked.

Healthcare will be discounted worldwide under a co-pay program. If you cannot afford that, we will provide you some sort of job to work it off.

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