Have you ever looked out in to a sunset and saw perfect beauty? The way the purples and blues perfectly blend in with the pinks. For that moment in time the world is in perfect harmony. There is peace, love, and pure joy. As you watch the sun go down, and only a sliver remains, for just a moment you are startled by the fact that nothing remains in perfect harmony for too long. But you push that thought a way to enjoy the beauty that is placed there in front of your eyes at that very moment.
Then it happens. You are awakened in the dead of dark to the creatures of the night. Still holding on to that beauty, you pray the ugly can be explained away. But no matter the explanations, the ugly is there in plain sight. No explanation can rid that terror from my mind.
It was only 2 days ago I tried on a wedding dress for the first time. But now I feel as though I’ve been stripped from my royalty and left in rags dampened by the nights due.
I hold the number 10 close to my heart. Ten years of overcoming what no one believed we could. 10 years of still loving this one man deeper and stronger every day. But tonight as I sit alone in the dark 10 only brings tears to my eyes. 10 years of repeated mistakes. 10 years of not knowing the man who posts single adds on the web. Reviewing every glorious moment we shared in 10 years wondering how many others did he make laugh like he did me? How many times he couldn’t touch me, perhaps because he already had another.
He will tell me it’s harmless fun on the computer and he finds it all rather comical. I know because this is real life dae-zha-vu. But the questions I want to ask cannot take away the feeling of betrayal that live in me at this very moment.
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