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Guy and not successful with women?

posted 1/25/2009 7:19:44 PM |
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tagged: friends, pickup
  Swede

Listen up, because here is a good piece of advice (at least it worked for me, your mileage may vary).

I've hade many friends that were never good with women. I've been there myself. I wasn't a late bloomer, but I did settle with what I occationally could get for a long time (in other words, I became very good friends with my hand).

Me and some of my not-so-successful friends would always find excuses for failing. Women are too complicated, they are impossible to understand, they are bitches rude enough to shoot me down when I'm just trying to do something nice, like buy them a drink.

We would eventually start doubting ourselves, thinking we were too ugly or too whatever to attract women.

In other words, we didn't understand women. We didn't know how to attract them, we didn't know how to penetrate the protective shield they have (and must have to fend off every guy desperately trying to trade drinks for sex), and we could not read their signs. And we didn't even know that that was the problem.

This is what turned me from being fairly unsuccessful with women to, I wouldn't say super successful, but successful enough so that I didn't just have to settle just with what I could occationally get.

It took me a few years to realize the simple solution - get female friends. Lots of them.

It's easy to be friends with women, much easier than to attract them sexually. And when you start surrounding yourself and hanging out with women, three things will happen:

1) You will start to understand them. By seeing them interact with eachother and interact with them, you will start to understand. By watching them shoot down nice guys for trying to buy them a drink (or even worse, accept the drink, then shoot them down), watching their reaction, see how they talk about it and ask the questions you need to understand, you will start to understand the mysterious female mind.

2) Other girls will find you more attractive. Simply by being seen as the only guy in a group of females, they assume that you are a guy that women like. And your female friends - if they are good enough friends and you are truly a great guy - will actively help you pick up women.

3) You will, eventually, score with some of your female friends. If you've ever heard from a woman that you are friends with (but attracted to) that she doesn't want to risk the friendship by having sex with you, that is usually just an indicator that she does not feel sexual attraction to you. It could also mean that sex with a friend doesn't work _for her_ (women are individuals too). It doesn't mean that it can't happen with someone else. It can and probably will.

Now, a little warning here. Don't become their emotional tampon, that they just call when a boyfriend breaks up or something. Truly be friends with women, hang out and have fun, help them pick up guys, interact with them, truly get to know them and respect them. It's very rewarding!

Disclaimer: No, I don't sell "dating guides", believe in them or have anything to sell you. I just happen to be fortunate enough to have discovered this myself, and since it has helped me a lot, i want to share it with others, and I thought this may be a good place since I just started blogging here today

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Guy and not successful with women?
Ladies, read before you write :-)


Comments:

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Wordsofwit

Jan 25 @ 7:57PM  
I was going to comment, but as approval is required, I won't.
Swede

Jan 25 @ 8:00PM  
No, the comments are automatically approved. Please feel free to share your thoughts
Wordsofwit

Jan 25 @ 8:07PM  
This a rerun for veterans of blogging, But for the new people, please take heed, it will enhance your understanding and responses.
http://www.adultmatchdoctor.com/blog_31751/Blogging_101_for_Newbies.html
Wordsofwit

Jan 25 @ 8:11PM  
I learned early on that meeting females through other females was the ticket. If a female can vouche for you as an upstanding person, or more, through another fem., you are in like Flint. Hell, though not used anymore, my ex is a roommate reference and we divorce in 1990.
Swede

Jan 25 @ 8:16PM  
Wordsofwit, It's ok to shamelessly and without any reference to my blog, post links to your blog. However, if you have any issues with my blog, it would probably be more productive if you let me know instead.

Too many spelling errors? Not to the point? Too long? Not interresting? Offensive?

I would be delighted to get your feedback.
Looking4ever

Jan 25 @ 8:18PM  
Don't become their emotional tampon,

emotional tampon?
Swede

Jan 25 @ 8:32PM  
Hehe, yeah, I love that expression...it is so descriptive of a guy who will let a woman use him only as a shoulder to cry on when something bad has happend to her without her offering him true friendship in return :-)

So many of us men have fallen into that trap before we realize that friendship is a two way thing even in a male/female relationship. It must always be give and take, otherwise one person is the winner and the other is a loser. Secretly hoping for "benefits" further on is not a good foundation for friendship.
Sunshine79

Jan 25 @ 9:25PM  
And I do just like you.....I surround myself with male friends.

1- Because there is less drama

And the rest of the reasons you mentioned. It works both ways!!
Swede

Jan 25 @ 9:39PM  
Yes, Sunshine, I agree, it surely works both ways.

1bunny629

Jan 25 @ 9:48PM  
personal tampon....cracked me up too! Is it ok if I use that line? I have someone who needs to hear it!
Swede

Jan 25 @ 9:55PM  
Certainly, bunny, emotional tampon is not my invention, I just use it because it's such a great expression :-)
1bunny629

Jan 25 @ 11:59PM  
Thanks swede. I thought I had heard it all, but that line is a good one.
straightup_9

Jan 26 @ 9:34AM  
Sounds like a simple case of Using Women...

I've been "successful" with women all my life.....Funny, I always thought it was because I treated them with respect, as individuals, and was openly honest and up-front about everything.......(sigh)....Guess you are never too old to learn.....
Swede

Jan 26 @ 9:41AM  
Straightup, what in my post do you interpret as "using women"?

Isn't friendship, by definition, treating people with respect and as individuals?


dmbchick420

Jan 26 @ 10:57AM  
I think it's an interesting concept, I can see how it would work, and as someone else pointed out, "a female can vouche for you as an upstanding person".

I don't see how this is "using women", as long as there is a true friendship there and you are not friends with someone simply to "get to their friend".

Good blog. Nice to see a new person here that can actually spell correctly and use proper grammer! You get a kudo from me
Swede

Jan 26 @ 11:46AM  
Good blog. Nice to see a new person here that can actually spell correctly and use proper grammer! You get a kudo from me

Wow, thanks! This makes me very happy to hear, especially since English is my second language, and I have only lived here for less than a year.

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Guy and not successful with women?