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Meeting Online vs Meeting Offline...

posted 1/24/2009 8:16:46 AM |
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I was watching something a while back on tv that was talking about online dating vs "real life" dating. And no, it wasn't promoting or advertising for either option.

They said that statistics now prove out of 100 couples who have met the grocery store, through friends, as neighbors, etc and gotten married, that only 4 out of 10 of those marriages last for more than 5 years.

However out of 100 couples who have met online and married, 6 out of 10 of those marriages last for more than 10 years.

Do you believe these stats could be true, or would you have thought it would be the other way with more face to face meetings lasting longer?
Do you feel there is a difference in a relationship whether you meet online or face to face? If so, what or why?

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Jan 24 @ 8:29AM  
The encounter onliine actually makes me feel a little more at ease.........the face to face meeting are more geared towards play acting and being on your best behavior. I really think you should chat online until you feel comfortable enough to speak on the phone, then arrange a meeting when the comfort level permits.
Both encounters can be a success if that is what you want the outcome to be.....people tend to be more flexible if a relationship is something that wanted by both parties. (I met a girl just yesterday that met her husband on eharmony) It can happen!!

Jan 24 @ 8:51AM  
I met my husband on-line....wouldn't trade him for anybody!! I'm with Chocolate here, in person, people tend to be on thier best behaviour...not really being false as to who they are, just putting their "best foot" forward. On-line, if I'm in a bad mood, I can be and still not be around that person to take it out on them and more open to talking about it. Hope that made some sense....I haven't been up for very long!!

Jan 24 @ 9:35AM  
Wow... I would have never "thunk it"!!! From My On-Line dating exp..... I would have to say that is BS!!!
But that is just my 2 cents!!!
"Some" PPL online hide shit....and are Living in a Dream World!!! They show you the person that they Wanna be, Not who they are!!!
Thats Why... I Try to meet the Lady ASAP.......I can't deal with Liers or Wanna Bee's!!!! Some ladies wanna "Hook" ya before meeting....WTF?
If you are Real...."Show Me!" Excuses dont cut it with me!!! Maybe thats why I am alone...?
BTW... I am talking about emails.. for a while...and then Phone for a while... No Longer than 2 months total, before meeting! (when I say meeting.. I am NOT Talking SEX! )(Unless the Lady requests it! )
My 2 cents!!! Good Blog!!!

Jan 24 @ 9:49AM  

That makes sense, although I have met a few people after online flirting and I have to say there is always one thing that makes it awkward, a sort of pressure, that you have to like them. The trick, as I learnt (the hard way), is to not get too involved or sexual online before you meet, or you may be mighty disappointed. I know that sometimes it works out well, but there is nothing like meeting someone face to face, as their facial expressions, body language, etc. may just chime with what you like, so that is (for me) the real test. Webcam meetings do help, as you get to see a bit more, although again if you want a sexual date in the end there is no way of knowing if you are attracted to someone until you actually meet them - again, that is entirely my experience. I had one such experience recently, where I met someone off Facebook and we wanted the same thing, and without knowing it we were in the cinema and snogging each other, it was perfect, we had sex and it was liberating. I suppose this is not really what the thread is about - relationships - but wanted to share.

My approach is now that I don't let much time elapse, and try to arrange a meeting fairly early on, so that both I and the other person can find out if we are attracted to one another - the worst thing is, as I said, going on for weeks or months flirting online without a face to face encounter, as you may be spending a lot of energy on someone to whom, in fact, you are not physically attracted.

I think the sort of embarrassment experienced when meeting someone off the 'net is different from the one experienced when walking across a room to someone you really like - it's a different kind of nervousness. Personally, I prefer the old fashioned way, but at the moment I am exploring the virtual way as I have become single again at a time when I am not in a social context brimming with single, available girls...


Jan 24 @ 9:57AM  
Saying, "Great topic and an intelligent post!" while slipping a green thingie your way.

I considered people I have known that have met, married and divorced in the traditional fashion versus probably 25 I have known that met online. I noted one very important difference that may lend support to the online proposition with a conditional caveat.

Over half of the online marriages of people I have known involved one person relocating to another state or another country. Those marriages involving relocation are still intact among people I know. However, when I consider the people I know that met somebody local online and got married, those marriages had a very high crash and burn rate just like people who met locally offline.

I tend to think that people deliberate and commit to a much greater degree when taking the plunge and somebody moving far from home. In a long distance courtship, there are vastly different dynamics that play in.

In traditional and local online meetings, the dating patterns are virtually the same: one to three dates before getting naked. Good sex can be a blinding distraction that impersonates love and occludes assessing compatibility. The proximity often bypasses people getting acquainted with one another beyond having fun in the bedroom and/or on the town doing things.

Over great distances, there is much more time and effort spent communicating with one another by email and the phone. In this case, they get to know one another as people without the libido and wining and dining being an influence.

When these people do meet, they usually are together 24/7 for a few days to two weeks, literally living together. This serves as a very valuable proof of concept as to whether they can be happy living together day in/day out. Then they separate and can assess how they feel about one another and how happy they would be living together. The whole process adds much more clarity in assessing the potential for happily ever after.

That is the key, being around somebody 24/7 continually in my opinion. There have been well over a hundred women I have dated and we could have a great time in and out of the bedroom, but it would not work out living together.

Jan 24 @ 10:00AM  
Fredric and OHT nailed it, when you invest alot of time and energy into an on-line relationship, then meet several months and sometimes a year down the road and things are not what you expected,,,,it really drains you but also taints you in someway. I like here for the friends and people that I have talked to and with, but as far as meeting someone from here in person again......well lets just say they would have to really 'sweep me off my feet' cause other then that,,,,,,it ain't happening!

Jan 24 @ 10:37AM  
I dunno.. I'm 8 years into my internet met relationship and .. well I can't see a life without him. You tell me?

It has something to do with meeting people from the inside first.. rather than being blinded by lust and having that instant sex bit where you make decisions based on your passion rather than actual compatibility etc. In my opinion only.. I know someone will say I'm an idiot for meeting someone online and living with them for 8 years.. yay.. 8 years!

Jan 24 @ 11:58AM  
What Chocolatemilf said!

Jan 24 @ 1:08PM  
I actually enjoy both. I have found that the women I meet online are more adventurous and enjoy getting out and doing things together. However, I have found that women I meet in person are more commitment minded and just want to establish more permanant relationships.

To sum it up- Internet women play, real women stay.

Jan 24 @ 5:39PM  
Figures are probably wrong...The successful marriage of two people who meet on line is probably more like 8 out of ten.....simply because of the amount of communication that goes on before meeting IRL that sets the standard for the future

Jan 24 @ 5:54PM  
online works great....umm as long as you find a REAL person

Jan 25 @ 1:16PM  
I met my ex-husband in real life, who was completely wrong for me, and my current husband online, who I believe is my soul mate, so I would tend to agree with those statistics

Jan 25 @ 2:39PM  
Met many men online and none worked for me. Maybe I need to meet people outside the internet like my current best friend. My other friend and him were dating and I was asked to get to know him by phone. Him and my other friend broke up,but we still remained friends to this day. I'm afraid I'm going to have to go against popular opinion and say meeting mates online doesn't work for me,I feel it has me meet those under false pretenses,etc.

Jan 26 @ 10:43AM  
I'm a little skepticle. If only because I wonder how many people have even been online long enough to have met someone, got married, and still be married 10 years. Which, IF you can make it past 5 years, you have a pretty good shot at 10 either way. (I'll have been online 11 years in March)

BOTH groups should have been judged on 5 years, or 10 years.... take your pick. Personally, I think if you dropped the online group to 5 years of marriage, the percentage would be similar to the "real life" introductions.

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Meeting Online vs Meeting Offline...