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Sex Snafus That Ended Up in the ER

posted 1/22/2009 10:45:29 AM |
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tagged: sex, funny, medical, bloopers
  dmbchick420

These are true stories of the most memorable booty bloopers doctors and nurses have ever seen

HEART-STOPPING SEX

"I'll never forget the time an ambulance brought in a young slacker guy and his girlfriend. They had decided to get it on in his grandmother's basement while she was out of the house. They'd grabbed a tube of what they thought was lubricant from her wellstocked medicine cabinet.

"Unfortunately, it was nitroglycerin paste, a heart drug that can cause a potentially fatal drop in blood pressure. When Grandma came home, she found the couple lying on top of each other, unconscious and buck naked. They eventually came to after we gave them oxygen and fluids."

STUCK ON YOU

"One night, a gurney rolled in carrying a woman in black lingerie-who happened to be straddling a naked man. They told us that they had been doing a lot of drugs and having wild sex when the woman's vagina cramped up and the guy couldn't pull out. The doctor on duty gave her muscle relaxants, and after several minutes, they were able to separate. Then they were promptly arrested on drug charges."

TOY WITH HIM

"A guy came into our ER one night. When the doctor asked him to describe his problem, he reached into his bag, pulled out a sex-toy catalog, and pointed to a long, curved toy on one of the pages. 'I can show you what's in there,' he winked. 'Now let's see if you can get it out.' The doctor did, after leaving the room to stop laughing so hard."

UNSCHEDULED DELIVERY

"During an ice storm, a rescue squad radioed that they were bringing in a young woman with severe menstrual cramps. I was the ER nurse assigned to take her medical history. Although obviously in discomfort, the woman looked totally healthy. She told me she'd been having normal periods, which was frustrating to her because she and her man had been trying to get pregnant for some time.

"I reassured her that the gynecologist on duty would be able to give her something for the pain, but when the doctor came in to examine her, he took one look and said that not only was she pregnant, but she was going to have a baby right then! We rushed her to the maternity floor, and soon after, she delivered a healthy baby girl."

SPONGE-BATH SLIPUP

"When I was just starting out as a nurse, I had to give a sponge bath to an incredibly hot male patient. I tried to be very professional about it and not embarrass either one of us. But when it was time to wash his back, instead of saying 'Turn over,' I accidentally blurted out 'Move over.' He gave me a huge grin and said, 'Oh, I don't know if there's enough room, but trust me, I'll try!' "

KEYED UP

"A hysterical woman came into the ER. She'd just had a fight with her boyfriend while sitting in his parked car. She said she had gotten so mad at him that she pulled the key out of the ignition and put it in her vagina so he couldn't drive home! Now she couldn't locate the key to get it out. I couldn't find it either, so we concluded that it must have fallen out somewhere near her boyfriend's car."

GO FISH

"A man explained that his girlfriend had tried to take his temperature rectally and 'lost' the thermometer. I could actually see the glass tip poking out of his rear end, so I got a padded clamp and gently began pulling. It was a thermometer all right, but one for a fish tank-more than a foot long!"

HOT BEEF INFECTION

"I was assigned to examine a patient with stomach pain. The woman turned out to be my high school classmate, but instead of being happy to see me, she was mortified. She confessed she wasn't suffering from stomach pain but had gotten something 'stuck.' Hours earlier, she'd microwaved a frozen hot dog to use as a sex toy. But heating it had softened the hot dog, and it broke off inside her. I removed it, though I doubt she'll look me in the eye at our next reunion!"

PLAY BALL

"A young couple came in with this story: During sex, the woman had grabbed a medium-size rubber ball and inserted it into her man's back door. The ball became lodged so high in his rectum, they couldn't get it out... and neither could we! The attending MD paged a surgeon, but while we were waiting for him to arrive, the man began coughing. The ball came flying out of his butt with enough velocity to ping around the room and hit the just arriving surgeon in the head."

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Comments:

post a comment!

Xien607

Jan 22 @ 10:58AM  
A great way to start the day off with a laugh at some of the things people do to each other.
max49

Jan 22 @ 11:20AM  
Sunshine79

Jan 22 @ 11:21AM  
SPONGE-BATH SLIPUP

"When I was just starting out as a nurse, I had to give a sponge bath to an incredibly hot male patient. I tried to be very professional about it and not embarrass either one of us. But when it was time to wash his back, instead of saying 'Turn over,' I accidentally blurted out 'Move over.' He gave me a huge grin and said, 'Oh, I don't know if there's enough room, but trust me, I'll try!' "

Umm, that would be me....lol
onehornytoad69

Jan 22 @ 11:28AM  
Looking4ever

Jan 22 @ 11:33AM  
Fortunately I've never done anything that would land me in the ER. The worst thing was falling off the bed and hitting my head hard enough that I was dazed.
theSkwirl

Jan 22 @ 12:26PM  
Ohhh now I never heard the ball story before.. good one!

NightOfOld

Jan 22 @ 12:26PM  


Lisa46

Jan 22 @ 12:30PM  
These were great!! Thank goodness I left my drink in the other room or I would be cleaning up the puter from laughing so hard great thanks

cookie fer ya
1bunny629

Jan 22 @ 2:31PM  
Moral of most of these stories should be...don't stick anything in your holes that don't have a handle or other device attached that will ease the retrieval...
hopon

Jan 22 @ 7:14PM  
I have often wondered, with some of the crazy stunts I have pulled during sex, how I have never ended up in the ER!!!!!!!
zaralyon

Jan 22 @ 9:01PM  
I've heard of a variation on the ball one, that really did happen. The difference is that it was an apple, and it did have to be surgically removed. I got this right from the secretary for the proctologist or whatever the doctor was.
bandengor

Jan 22 @ 11:34PM  
Those are Hilarious!
StraddleMyNose

online now!
Jan 23 @ 7:56AM  
Cootiesprayer

Jan 24 @ 8:46PM  
I had a young lady come in screaming bloody murder said she had been camping after finishing having sex, they fell asleep with there clothes off out camping in the middle of the woods. She had a pinching bug crawl up inside her & attach itself to the back wall of her vagina.

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Sex Snafus That Ended Up in the ER