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Ewe_Wish's Last Minute Farming Advice To Ynot

posted 1/13/2009 1:46:00 PM |
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What a proud moment for me today. I have said from the moment I met you that you were the salesman to all salesman. You would be the one who could sell ice cubes to Eskimoes and shit samples to farmers..........and today as you enter that big world of sales once go forth to do just that....the shit not the ice.........I have tried to "coach" you in the ways of how farmers think cause we all know you city boys dont know shit from shinoa but I feel that I have left some important items out and want you to know these, grasshopper. (shit dont mention grasshoppers around farmers.....that just makes them freak!!)

To teach you all you need to know, I must first unteach you the words of wisdom your father has lent you......The farmer in the Dell and Green Acreas is not farmers favorite songs. Don't mention Eminem, the farmer will not understand you are talking about a rapper, he will think you are talking about M&M's and he hates city boys who don't eat red meats. The only thing he listens to on the radio is the local farm report and the weather. Da rest of that shit (no pun intended) don't matter to him.

Showing up in bib overalls is not going to impress him (unless you're in Iowa where a pair of bibs and a 20 dollar bill never get changed). He probably has a pair of wranglers on. If you wear a pair of cowboy boots....scuff them up some, he doesn't want to hear how someone can improve his quality of life by someone who doesn't look like he has ever done and honest days work in his life......and your a salesman so we already know that the honesty issue is already in question! LOL

If he is a dairy farmer and tells you he has an utter problem. That does not mean he has other problems and you should not try to council him. (you probably shouldnt try counciling anyone anyway.....just saying) If he has an utter problem, it probably means he has a mastitis problem (infection of the cow teats.....oops sorry forgot city boy that I would need to put this in your terms....bewbie infection). DO NOT offer to put the medication on the teats (bewbies) as being a city boy it will probably come off looking more like your fondaling the cow instead of medicating it. This will not look good to the farmer and it certainly won't look good on a resume when you get your ass fired for being into beastiality.

When the farmer offers to show you his new not say nah thats ok i have seen them before. This is the time when you realize that the farmer has just gotten a new toy and wants to show it off. To make you understand this would be like you getting the bustymobile a new paint job and I come over to visit. You would be jumping from one foot to another (like a little kid needing to pee) waiting to show me the new paint job. You got it now? This will be the farmer. You don't need to know a damn thing about tractors at this point just show you are thoroughly impressed. If he mentions a new baler to you...What ever you do.....don't say you have tossed a bale or two in your day. First of all you aren't old enough for the day when all bales were put up in small square bales, second of all, square bales are usually only done by small time farmers in this day and age. Exceptions are always noted. (meaning there is probably a few that still do it but I doubt it very much) Don't offer to toss any bales for him....his bales of hay can weigh anywhere from 700 lbs to 2200 lbs....and your a big man Ynot but your going to hurt yourself and probably hurt something rather important to you and the Mrs if you do try to toss one.

Do not ever treat these people like they are dummies. They may have quit school in the 4th grade but what they have learned from lifes lessons more than makes up for any formal education. After all they have millions of dollars of equipment and your driving a jeep think your education is helping you here? ;) They may not know that pi R2 (yes I know your favorite Pie is round but work with me here will ya?) but they do know how much hay they will need for the number of cows that they have, how much grain they will have to harvest to come out with a profit for the year and so on. They may not know it but they are doing mathematical equations everyday and they do it with simple farmers math (ya know....adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing) Now you know why when you asked your algebra teacher if you would ever really need this when you grew up why they couldnt give you a solid answer on it. LOL

Remember that its not just your livelihood that you are dealing with in saving the farmers some are also dealing with everyone elses. When the prices of stuff they need goes up, they have to sell higher to make a profit. Everything a farmer sells, us as the consumer buys. So unless you want to raise a cow, pig and some chickens in your backyard, and start growing veggies and grains to make flour, I as one of the poor consumers begs you to please save him lots of money. Or raise that stuff for me too.....I hate weeding a

Normally at this point, Y...I would tell you to be yourself..........but in this case PLEASE DONT BE...........The farmer does not want to know that in your spare time you like to dress up in pink tights with a blue cape and slay trolls. Nor does he want to know that you carry a man purse.

Continued in comments..

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Jan 13 @ 1:48PM  
Hell he probably would accept a brief case easier than a man purse....tho that little pink one you have is kinda

One last word of advice....when you are walking around his farm...and oh yea hes gonna want to show it to you.....remember if there are animals....they eat....when they eat.....they shit....they are not choosy where they do this if you step in it....dont say SHIT!!! cause the farmer is going to say YEP EXACTLY!!...........Dont get all whiney cause your new cowboy boots from Walmart just got cow doo doo on a man scape as much as you can get off in the grass or snow and shake it off.........before this is done.....a little shit on the boots wont seem the worse those farmers put you thru. Technical terms for shit is SHIT. dont try to cover it up with cow pies, horse apples, doggie doo doo or anything else. These are farmers here.........not bible thumping jehovah them Shit is Shit.

Good luck with your job Y.....I know you will be the best salesman they have ever would have to be able to sell it you have been giving me shit for years. LMAO

Love, Dayna

Jan 13 @ 2:29PM  
Yep she sure does know our YNOT!

Jan 13 @ 2:36PM  
Thanks for posting this. I could tell it was our girl because it was so loonnngggg.

Jan 13 @ 2:58PM  
Yes...and always be on the lookout for cow's on meth...I saw one swollow a man whole.

Jan 13 @ 3:46PM  
I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! Good lessons can be learnt from these words...

Jan 13 @ 3:58PM  
Ok i'm confused does that mean Ewe_Wish is casuallylooking???

Jan 13 @ 5:32PM  
Man purse.....LMAO!!!

Jan 13 @ 6:11PM  
Ok i'm confused does that mean Ewe_Wish is casuallylooking???
No... although we are very good friends, we are two very different people. I'm the nice, sweet, innocent one............
and maybe the injured one if anyone tells her I said that..

Dayna sent this to Steve---Ynot--- this morning, and since she is no longer on AMD and Steve was working when he read it, he asked if I would post it...

And as much as I like Dayna, I'm not sharing Griz with her.. and I don't want KeepingAnEyeOut.
Both guys have their hands full enough with one of us...

Jan 13 @ 6:34PM  
well i better re-read this EVERY morning before work...maybe i'll do better with the shit kickers

btw...THANKS Dayna!!!

*sits honored that he makes such a humorous topic*

Jan 13 @ 7:21PM  
I miss Ewe Wish & her blogs

Jan 13 @ 7:22PM  
Heheheh.. she can write a spiel.. yes she can.

Jan 13 @ 9:00PM  
damn - idea time
that friggin' light bulb almost exploded
maybe, just maybe
whilest out and about
in those shit laden pastures
you could convince the cows - you know
sell em on the idea of
shit that don't stink ! ! ! ! ! !
we can market the shit on ebay or sumthin'
I am hereby claiming the
"thought that shit up" rights
which means
I get a piece of the parfumed poop
oh goody
we gonna be gazillionaires ! ! ! ! ! !
whachathink? ? ?

Jan 13 @ 9:54PM  
I miss Ewe Wish & her blogs

amen to THAT.......dayum she writes shit that just tickles the hell outta me

we gonna be gazillionaires ! ! ! ! ! !
whachathink? ? ?
i thank IF you ken make it....cordin' to Ewe i ken sell that thar sheeit

Jan 13 @ 10:21PM  
i ken sell that thar sheeit
Amen to that!! lmao


Jan 13 @ 11:53PM  
Thanks for posting this..Sure do miss Ewe... She sure can make good stories for us to read...

Jan 14 @ 6:42AM  
jest so ya'll know....i been practicin ever since i read these pearls of wizdom.......hopes i does betterer today with dem dare farmers........wish me luck and no shit on my booots

Mar 1 @ 2:02PM  
.I know you will be the best salesman they have ever would have to be able to sell it you have been giving me shit for years. LMAO

was just reminising and re read this.....well ..she was right ...number one in the comapany and STILL don't know shit from a tractor

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Ewe_Wish's Last Minute Farming Advice To Ynot