Top 10 sex positions
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10. The Zombie Mask
While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
9. The Screwnicorn
When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
8. The Flying Camel
A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her on your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vertical seafood taco. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl, much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.
7. The Flaming Amazon
This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when you're about to blow, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!
6. The Donkey Punch
Banging a girl doggy-style and then moments before you cum, you stick your knob in her arse and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
5. Dirty Sanchez
A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggy-style, you insert your finger into her ass. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a thin shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.
4. Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch
The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to give her a large cold bottle of your favorite carbonated drink, making her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.
3. The Angry Dragon
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up, she'll look like an angry dragon.
2. The Houdini
Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to come, then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you have. When she turns around a blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering how you managed it.
1. The Teabagging
The all time classic maneuver of tapping your cock on a chick's forehead whilst she is sucking on your balls, and uttering the timeless phrase -- "Who's Your Daddy?"
Feel free to add to the list.....my favorites were #'s 2 and 3 
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| Top 10 Most Offensive Sexual Positions! |
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dmbchick420
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Jan 13 @ 11:25AM
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The Flaming Amazon  The Dirty Sanchez is just 
I think a guy might as well sign his suicide note if he ever tried any of that shit on me!
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texastigress
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Jan 13 @ 11:53AM
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Gawd Woman! Where do you get this shit??? Thanks for the early morning laugh!
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Cootiesprayer
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Jan 13 @ 12:12PM
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The Donkey Punch
Banging a girl doggy-style and then moments before you cum, you stick your knob in her arse and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate
OUCH! you let some dude hit me in the back of the head while he is in my ass..he will wish he was fucking a donkey! Awesome blog rofl. :>)
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Lisa46
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Jan 13 @ 12:41PM
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PinkToeNails
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Jan 13 @ 1:02PM
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Girl.... you just ain't right!!!
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theSkwirl
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Jan 13 @ 1:02PM
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Sunshine.. some days I worry about you.
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max49
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Jan 13 @ 1:24PM
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That is just wrong on so many levels but that is some funny shit right there. Now get yourself over to the confessional and lets try number 2 and 3. I guess great minds think alike. Kudo for you sweetie.  
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1bunny629
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Jan 13 @ 2:07PM
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....I have been had! ...didn't know there were names for all my ways of castchin the goo!  ...I should have known he couldn't have figured out all those tricks on his own! I did know when he hollared...Hey Dinner Table, I am getting ready to make a mess of you!...that all the steps mentioned above were going to be his courses and I was going to be the dish!...I am going to go put my head in the sand for awhile now cause I am embarressed that it is all in writing and I feel abused! 
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paulywalnuts
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Jan 13 @ 2:19PM
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Sunshine.......Thre is only one Sunshine.......You are truly amazing
Loved them all
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flavorbuster
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Jan 13 @ 5:32PM
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.....  ..... And up jumped a monkey !!!!  Sounds like nightclub drinks until read the meaning of the terms 
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Sunshine79
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Jan 13 @ 6:20PM
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Sounds like nightclub drinks until read the meaning of the terms
Yes, Can I order The Flying Amazon and The Angry Dragon please?? Hold the ice!
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StraddleMyNose
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Jan 13 @ 7:16PM
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10. The Zombie Mask
While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
Who told you this one? Actually I have done this to a women. She didn't do any of this she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead . Instead she got up cursing and screaming that her eyes were stinging... 
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Sunshine79
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Jan 13 @ 7:57PM
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Instead she got up cursing and screaming that her eyes were stinging...
Maybe you should give your guests sunglasses for protection next time!!
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StraddleMyNose
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Jan 13 @ 8:08PM
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Maybe you should give your guests sunglasses for protection next time!!
Nah, where's the fun in that?
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onehornytoad69
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Jan 14 @ 7:40AM
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You aint right!  
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straightup_9
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Jan 14 @ 9:26AM
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Rule number one (1)...to be remembered above all other rules......
NEVER....NEVER......NEVER Do number 1 immediately AFTER number(s) 2 through 10......
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chocolatemilf
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Jan 14 @ 8:25PM
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Now see.......this is precisely why I do not like it in my face.........tryna blind a girl for pete's sake.............. 
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evild614
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Jan 14 @ 8:42PM
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The Jolly Rodger- Pop your load in a bitch's eye and stomp on her foot- so she's hobbling around with one eye shut and her face all screwed to one side going "ARRRRR!"
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lunanegra
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Jan 15 @ 12:17AM
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Bucking Bronco:
When you're doing a chick from the back,whisper something like "Your sister was better",grab her hair and hold on seeing how long before she throws you off,lol
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Swede
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Jan 29 @ 2:22PM
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The Piñata
Stuff her pussy full of candy, tie her up and hang her from the ceiling. Then bring your friends over to knock the candy out with a wiffle bat.
Any ladies wanna play? 
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Looking4ever
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Jan 29 @ 2:29PM
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The Piñata
Stuff her pussy full of candy, tie her up and hang her from the ceiling. Then bring your friends over to knock the candy out with a wiffle bat.
Any ladies wanna play?
Gee...tempting. But I'm going to have to pass!
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justme4u
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Oct 29 @ 4:55AM
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