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Top 10 Most Offensive Sexual Positions!

posted 1/13/2009 11:09:47 AM |
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tagged: sex, cock, funny, positions, sunshine
  Sunshine79

Top 10 sex positions
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10. The Zombie Mask

While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.


9. The Screwnicorn

When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.


8. The Flying Camel

A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her on your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vertical seafood taco. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl, much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.


7. The Flaming Amazon

This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when you're about to blow, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!


6. The Donkey Punch

Banging a girl doggy-style and then moments before you cum, you stick your knob in her arse and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.



5. Dirty Sanchez

A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggy-style, you insert your finger into her ass. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a thin shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.


4. Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch

The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to give her a large cold bottle of your favorite carbonated drink, making her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.


3. The Angry Dragon

Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up, she'll look like an angry dragon.


2. The Houdini

Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to come, then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you have. When she turns around a blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering how you managed it.


1. The Teabagging

The all time classic maneuver of tapping your cock on a chick's forehead whilst she is sucking on your balls, and uttering the timeless phrase -- "Who's Your Daddy?"

Feel free to add to the list.....my favorites were #'s 2 and 3

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Comments:

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dmbchick420

Jan 13 @ 11:25AM  
The Flaming Amazon The Dirty Sanchez is just

I think a guy might as well sign his suicide note if he ever tried any of that shit on me!
texastigress

Jan 13 @ 11:53AM  
Gawd Woman! Where do you get this shit??? Thanks for the early morning laugh!
Cootiesprayer

Jan 13 @ 12:12PM  
The Donkey Punch

Banging a girl doggy-style and then moments before you cum, you stick your knob in her arse and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate


OUCH! you let some dude hit me in the back of the head while he is in my ass..he will wish he was fucking a donkey! Awesome blog rofl. :>)
Lisa46

Jan 13 @ 12:41PM  
PinkToeNails

Jan 13 @ 1:02PM  
Girl.... you just ain't right!!!

theSkwirl

Jan 13 @ 1:02PM  
Sunshine.. some days I worry about you.
max49

Jan 13 @ 1:24PM  
That is just wrong on so many levels but that is some funny shit right there. Now get yourself over to the confessional and lets try number 2 and 3. I guess great minds think alike. Kudo for you sweetie.
1bunny629

Jan 13 @ 2:07PM  
....I have been had! ...didn't know there were names for all my ways of castchin the goo! ...I should have known he couldn't have figured out all those tricks on his own! I did know when he hollared...Hey Dinner Table, I am getting ready to make a mess of you!...that all the steps mentioned above were going to be his courses and I was going to be the dish!...I am going to go put my head in the sand for awhile now cause I am embarressed that it is all in writing and I feel abused!
paulywalnuts

Jan 13 @ 2:19PM  
Sunshine.......Thre is only one Sunshine.......You are truly amazing

Loved them all
flavorbuster

Jan 13 @ 5:32PM  
..... ..... And up jumped a monkey !!!! Sounds like nightclub drinks until read the meaning of the terms
Sunshine79

Jan 13 @ 6:20PM  
Sounds like nightclub drinks until read the meaning of the terms

Yes, Can I order The Flying Amazon and The Angry Dragon please?? Hold the ice!
StraddleMyNose

online now!
Jan 13 @ 7:16PM  
10. The Zombie Mask

While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

Who told you this one? Actually I have done this to a women. She didn't do any of this
she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead
. Instead she got up cursing and screaming that her eyes were stinging...

Sunshine79

Jan 13 @ 7:57PM  
Instead she got up cursing and screaming that her eyes were stinging...

Maybe you should give your guests sunglasses for protection next time!!
StraddleMyNose

online now!
Jan 13 @ 8:08PM  
Maybe you should give your guests sunglasses for protection next time!!

Nah, where's the fun in that?
onehornytoad69

Jan 14 @ 7:40AM  

You aint right!
straightup_9

Jan 14 @ 9:26AM  
Rule number one (1)...to be remembered above all other rules......

NEVER....NEVER......NEVER Do number 1 immediately AFTER number(s) 2 through 10......

chocolatemilf

Jan 14 @ 8:25PM  
Now see.......this is precisely why I do not like it in my face.........tryna blind a girl for pete's sake..............
evild614

Jan 14 @ 8:42PM  
The Jolly Rodger- Pop your load in a bitch's eye and stomp on her foot- so she's hobbling around with one eye shut and her face all screwed to one side going "ARRRRR!"
lunanegra

Jan 15 @ 12:17AM  
Bucking Bronco:
When you're doing a chick from the back,whisper something like "Your sister was better",grab her hair and hold on seeing how long before she throws you off,lol
Swede

Jan 29 @ 2:22PM  
The Piñata

Stuff her pussy full of candy, tie her up and hang her from the ceiling. Then bring your friends over to knock the candy out with a wiffle bat.

Any ladies wanna play?

Looking4ever

Jan 29 @ 2:29PM  
The Piñata

Stuff her pussy full of candy, tie her up and hang her from the ceiling. Then bring your friends over to knock the candy out with a wiffle bat.

Any ladies wanna play?

Gee...tempting. But I'm going to have to pass!
justme4u

Oct 29 @ 4:55AM  

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Top 10 Most Offensive Sexual Positions!