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Santa Claus Is A Woman!!!

posted 12/23/2008 1:30:39 PM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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tagged: funny, holidays, christmas, sunshine
  Sunshine79

Santa Claus is a woman!

Santa Claus is a woman because:

~The vast majorities of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a last-minute shopping spree.

~For a he-Santa, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh.

~Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

~For a Santa man, there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repaint bricks in the flue.

~He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

~Men can't pack a bag.

~Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

~Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.

~Men don't answer their mail.

~Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."

~Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.

~Having to do the 'Ho Ho Ho' thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

~Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

....... ....... .............. ......... ................ ..........


Santa is certainly a Man!

Santa Claus is undoubtedly a man because:

~Santa doesn't deliver his presents on The Friday after Thanksgiving when the malls are open for 20 hours. Christmas Eve deliveries prove Mr. Claus to be a man.

~Santa's reindeer is so drunk that his nose glows as his navigator. A woman would never let out those cute deer to work on Christmas Eve that too in cold and perhaps would dress them in sweaters and booties.

~Only a male Santa can ignore 'fashion' and wear the same suit for 500 years.

~Santa has never been known to answer a letter.

~Women aren't interested in stockings unless someone better looking than them is wearing them.

~As many presents as Santa delivers he has no trouble with babes.

~Only men have the ability to stay up for 24 hours straight in the cold with a bunch of mangy deer and going up and down soot-infested chimneys.

~A woman would never even think of going down a chimney and risk staining that red velvet.

~Commitment requires that Christmas be on the same day each year. A female Santa would delay Christmas until she can touch-up her makeup and do her hair after leaving each house.

........ .......... ........... .............. ............. ......

Merry Christmas To All My Friends On AMD!!!


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Comments:

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1bunny629

Dec 23 @ 1:45PM  
Make up your mind??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Geeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Wordsofwit

Dec 23 @ 2:43PM  
For a he-Santa, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh.

That is the Sarah Palin Santa.
onehornytoad69

Dec 23 @ 3:01PM  
Good one thx!!!
That is the Sarah Palin Santa.
Maybe thats why she turns me on sooooooooooooooo!
Merry Christmas to you also!!!!!
RevDocLove

Dec 23 @ 3:15PM  
Palin's voice is irritating as hell ...She's gotta' be a bitch!
theSkwirl

Dec 23 @ 4:36PM  
Aaaaaaaaactually, Santa has changed clothes often in the last 200 years :D

Wake me up when the holidaze is over k? cuz... gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
straddle_fun

Dec 23 @ 7:23PM  
soo I guess this means Santa is a Transvestite...

ynot7769

Dec 23 @ 7:55PM  
Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

mostly it's cause most men DONT pull over
budman701

Dec 23 @ 8:33PM  
I only like stockings that are laying on the floor next to the bed...
sugarnspice005

Dec 23 @ 8:35PM  
I agree with Bunny...make up your mind!
borty293

Dec 24 @ 12:38AM  
I'm gonna stay up all night and wait for her then...
dmbchick420

Dec 24 @ 8:56AM  


I know who my Santa is

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Santa Claus Is A Woman!!!