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Christmas Quotes To Lighten The Mood

posted 12/18/2008 11:49:22 AM |
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tagged: funny, christmas, quotes, sunshine
  Sunshine79

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What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Anonymous

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Phyllis Diller

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Jay Leno

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Anonymous

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
Anonymous

Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.
Tom Sims

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Bernard Manning

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
Anonymous

Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.
John Cleese, "Mony Python"

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Erma Bombeck

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Johnny Carson

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
Johnny Carson

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
Joan Rivers

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Comments:

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casuallylooking

Dec 18 @ 12:01PM  
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Erma Bombeck
I like this one..
It's a shame that there aren't more children who get to be like children on Christmas morning..

I'll leave you a holiday cookie and you don't even have to share it with Santa..unless of course you want to.
dmbchick420

Dec 18 @ 12:18PM  
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Bernard Manning

That one is pretty good....maybe I'll give it a try lol
wtxman

Dec 18 @ 12:36PM  
I am writing a Christmas song entitled " I shot Santa Claus on Christmas Eve.

Verse 1. Everyone knows Santa is a communist; he wears that red suit and gets his toys from China, surely he won't be missed.
onehornytoad69

Dec 18 @ 12:42PM  
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields


I have gotta try that one.. sounds like fun!
RevDocLove

Dec 18 @ 1:09PM  
I like the one by W.C. Fields.
Mostly because that's what I do on Xmas
theSkwirl

Dec 18 @ 1:28PM  
I'm with Erma.. but then again she always seemed to sum up life so well.
StraddleMyNose

Dec 18 @ 5:10PM  
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Jay Leno

I like this one...
hot4you120

Dec 18 @ 6:59PM  
lol joan rivers is one funny old lady
NightOfOld

Dec 18 @ 11:24PM  

I can always count on you, to put sunshine in my heart and a smile on my face.

Loves ya Babe.
tassie1

Dec 19 @ 5:32AM  
I can believe Joan Rivers

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Christmas Quotes To Lighten The Mood