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If Santa Answered His Letters Honestly......LMAO!

posted 12/16/2008 10:52:21 AM |
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tagged: funny, holidays, christmas, santa

***For the record, I couldn't find this posted here. So, if it's a repeat, oh well....but it's still fuckin' funny!**** (This includes my letter to Santa)

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Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.
I'v ben a gud boy
all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year.
Please, please, please, PLEASE,
PLEASE could I have one? Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiny begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house.
How do you get into our home? Love, Marky

Dear Mark,

First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house; you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet dreams, Santa

Dearest Santa-

I would like a new Rabbit vibrator for Christmas and a paddle.....

Love Sunshine

Dear Sunshine-

Like I'd give you another Rabbit to go and break? How about you just lay in bed nekkid with your legs spread on Christmas Eve & I'll come by and give you a fat jolly cock and a good spanking you deserve! You can be my little Ho, ho, ho.....


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   read more blogs!

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Christmas Quotes To Lighten The Mood
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post a comment!


Dec 16 @ 10:59AM  

Dec 16 @ 11:03AM  
Well at least someone is kind of getting what they want from Santa.....
Merry Christmas, Megan.

Dec 16 @ 11:07AM  

Dec 16 @ 11:40AM  


Dec 16 @ 12:21PM  

Dec 16 @ 12:52PM  

Dec 16 @ 1:21PM  

Dec 16 @ 1:28PM  
Oh my goodness Sunshine they were hilarious!!

Dec 16 @ 1:45PM  
Fat, Jolly Cocks work for me...may I copy your letter?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dec 16 @ 4:57PM  
Now that is my kind of Santa BTW was posted on MatchDoctor

Dec 16 @ 5:37PM  
You lucky, lucky girl!!!

Dec 16 @ 6:13PM  

hey sunshine!! if santa dont show,you give me a cal

Dec 16 @ 6:22PM  
HO!...HO!...HO!!!.....Errrr....What did you say that address was?....HO!...HO!...HO!!!

Dec 16 @ 8:10PM  

Dec 16 @ 9:45PM  
Did you listen in on the conversation Santa and I had last nite? He does have a special naughty list and it seems your on it too!

Dec 16 @ 11:02PM  
Well bunny...I have one fat jolly cock, will that do?

Dec 17 @ 1:33AM  
Dear Santa,

I'll deliver Sunshines gift .. ..your busy enough with the other kids... the way I'm looking for a condo in Vegas for Christmas eve...

Dec 17 @ 6:10AM  
Pretty funny ones

Dec 17 @ 7:20AM  
Sunshine, I was laughing so hard that I was crying! Thanks for the good laugh - I'll have to pass it on to my friends. Here's a greenie for you! =^..^=

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If Santa Answered His Letters Honestly......LMAO!