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Hollywood Squares

posted 11/24/2008 3:39:59 AM |
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  Wordsofwit

These great questions and answers are from the
days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they
are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..


Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q.If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q.You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning .

Q.Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q.As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q.If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q.Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do ?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q.When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two
occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

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Comments:

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Wordsofwit

Nov 24 @ 3:42AM  
I posted this in February on the vanilla MD site. Not sure if I ever posted it up here.
southerngent64

Nov 24 @ 4:34AM  
Gems from the past! Hilarious! HS was the epicenter of puns and double entrendres.
rnj1013

Nov 24 @ 5:08AM  
I wish they'd play reruns of this show. Was always hilarious back then, Couldn't stand watching it later on with the scripted answers. Not only were the answers hardly funny but most of the actors couldn't deliver the lines even halfway decent.
onehornytoad69

Nov 24 @ 6:06AM  
I wish they'd play reruns of this show. Was always hilarious back then
Amen!!
I can remember watching, you never knew what anyone would say...!!!
Good one! Thx for sharing!
LickMyClit

Nov 24 @ 7:01AM  


You know...I couldn't STAND Paul Lynde when I was a kid. Now I think the man was the freaking bomb.

That show was AWESOME. As for the edge of your seat excitmen? It had to be the $10,000.00 pyramid. Anything that had hand restraints just HAD to be exciting. But freaky me? I loved password too.
partytimemary

Nov 24 @ 7:20AM  
LOVED IT!!! It was so much fun watching those old game shows! The new ones just cannot compare no matter what! Newlywed Game was always good too ----

Thanks for sharing that - got my giggle in for the day! KUDOS!!!
girlcountry

Nov 24 @ 8:19AM  
I remember laying on my stomach on the floor at the orphanage watching this...it was great!! Thanks!
DarkKnightWalking

Nov 24 @ 8:49AM  
Hollywood Squares rocked.

You can find it.....
Wordsofwit

Nov 24 @ 8:49AM  
I watched it with my late sainted mother when I got home from school. Warm, fond, simple memories. The other two we watched were the Match Game and Newlywed Game. Those were cool also.
casuallylooking

Nov 24 @ 10:26AM  
OMGosh!! these were really good, Bruce.
The lines were funny but what made it better is I am old enough to remember their voices and my mind automatically imagined them saying those things...

Thanks for the laughs...here's your green cookie.
theSkwirl

Nov 24 @ 10:33AM  
Yup the old Hollyweird Skwares rawked.. so funny!
1bunny629

Nov 24 @ 3:29PM  
Thanks for the memories...My family and I always had fun with those shows... ya don't get good stuff like that anymore!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunshine79

Nov 24 @ 5:42PM  
Love Don Knotts!!!

Those were great!
lunanegra

Nov 24 @ 6:02PM  
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
The Vincent Price...who'd of thunk.

All in all,these were funny. I never seen the classic HS,the shitty one that Tom Bergeron hosted and Whoopi Goldburg was on was the one I watched. I dont think people should remake the classics...
StraddleMyNose

Nov 24 @ 11:12PM  
I wasn't into that game show. But I will admit, some of those lines are funny!

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Hollywood Squares