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Right or Wrong...Would You Tell?

posted 11/20/2008 5:45:08 AM |
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Suppose that you knew a family...maybe in your neighborhood, or just someone who you just know of through others....but this family is extremly religious. Regardless of what denomination, they live, breathe, sleep and eat all revolved around their religion.
Now you for what ever reason you are having a discussion with one of their children who admits to you that he/she goes to parties when they are supposed to be other places and drinks and has on occasion smoked pot. But doesn't see it being wrong because they have never gotten sick like most of their friends.Let's say the kid is 20 but still lives at home and is completely supported by the parents still while in college.

If the opportunity presented itself, and you were concerned what could happen to him/her while drinking and knew they couldn't call their parents, would you tell either of the parents? You know that they do not have a clue and they don't believe in such things so they don't discuss such things with their children.

Now, suppose the child was more in the 14-17 age group...Would you tell?

If it were your child, would you want someone to tell you?

NO, this is not something going on in my life, it's actually something I saw on a TV show and was just curious.

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Nov 20 @ 6:06AM  
depends on how well I knew them. If it was a family that I was close to and cared about, I'd try to tactfully broach the subject. If I wasn't close to them, I'd mind my own business. Their religious fervor has nothing to do with it as far as I'm concerned

Nov 20 @ 6:09AM  
if the kids 20 ..she/he aint a kid...leave em alone...and i dont think 14 to 17 yr olds even talk to me .....sooooo

Nov 20 @ 6:32AM  
No, I would NOT tell the parents. This person confided in not blow the opportunity of being able to talk with that kid and him/her having someone to go to to talk about such things. Use the opportunity to enlighten him/her about what they are doing to themselves and how it could hurt them/others/etc. If it were my child? No, I would not want to be someone else. I hope I have made such discussions possible for my kids to come to me. If not, I hope they feel they have some adult, whose opinion they value, that they can go to if they don't feel they can talk with me. I've been lucky. My oldest had several adults, who I trusted, that she felt she could talk to in stead of me. The youngest? I hope so too, when the time comes along...

Nov 20 @ 8:42AM  
I'm not sure. It this person was 20, then definitely not. They are an adult and doesn't matter to me whether they still live at home or not. If they were in the 14-17 range, then that would depend on how well I knew the what bigman said. I would hope, like what L4E said, that my kids would come to me too. I have always told them that they can come to me about anything and I will never judge them for anything, but it sounds like since this family is religious, their children are ashamed to tell their parents the truth.

Nov 20 @ 9:31AM  
i guess in my opinion that the 20 yr old whether supported by his parents or not is legally an its not my place to stick my nose in...........the 14 to 17 year old...........again i wouldnt tell thier parents but i would talk to them about the drinking and smoking pot and tell them they can call me anytime to come get them so they are neither driving drunk or riding with someone who was drunk.........they took a chance to confide in someone......if you break that confidence they will have no one to trust and no one to turn too...........and i cant answer you on would I want someone to tell me if it was my child...........because I have never been in that kids knew they could always count on me to come get them........they always knew they could talk to me..........

Nov 20 @ 9:55AM  
You know CL I have no kiddies but I was one a long time ago. I was in the bars at age 12 and never did anything wrong. Yeah drank abit not much. Never did drugs mom never knew. It didn't hurt her any and it didn't hurt me. Matter of fact I only drink of occassion now (none so far this year) and still hate the smell of pot, but hey if that is their choice not my business. If you feel compeled then I would just give a few words of wisdom to the young adult. But that is JMO....

Nov 20 @ 10:30AM  
I think Ewe stated what I was trying to say better...

Nov 20 @ 10:31AM  
Yup gotta go with general consensus here... he/she is 20 years old and well.. are gonna do what they are gonna do.. a younger kid.. who is still legally a kid I would offer the opportunity to talk and counsel.. call me rather than getting in a vehicle with anyone who has been imbibing.

I dunno... I guess I'm kinda more concerned with what would happen if the highly religious parents might do than the kids behavior.

Nov 20 @ 11:03AM  
The only way I would open my mouth would be if there was a danger to them or as Ewe stated, drinkin, drugin, and driving.
14 - 17 is a tuffy that one would warrant investigation on my part as to situations surrounding the drinking and it habitual?
was it a party they were at etc.....
Good topic gal

Nov 20 @ 1:06PM  
I have a 17 year old and an almost to be 14 year old. If one of my children were smoking pot then I'd want to know.

My oldest son has told me of some his friends that do smoke it and made me promise not to tell the other kids parents. Without breaking the promise I would tell a third party who would then pass it on to the parents.


Nov 20 @ 1:41PM  
This is .... JMO

When i was growing up ....we all try stuff and we go through phases . Drinking beer to liquor smoking pot etc ...... I think as long as a young person is talking to you and not getting to carried away w/ the experimenting ,just be a friend listen and advise . When they need someone hopefully they will come to you . (I know you said this is not happening ) look how i turned out ....

i think it is better for them to try and get it out of there system when young than ,when as adult ....looking like a fool doing it ... No, I would not say a word . JMO

Nov 20 @ 10:22PM  
Never betray the confidence of a child......I would, however, make sure that child had my phone number written down, to carry on his/her person, so they could call me any time, day or night, if they were ever in a situatuion where they needed help.
And they would be fully aware that I would NEVER tell their parents.....

Nov 21 @ 3:30AM  
I wouldn't tell the parents what was going on, most I would do was make some passing anecdotal comment in their presence about how kids who have their religion shoved down their throats tend to puke it up all the harder.

As for the kid, if I saw it as a problem- as in skipping class to get high, binge drinking, etc. I'd tell them that they need to straighten up, even if they're not crazy about their parents' choice of faith. Being forced to act like you believe something you're not so nuts about is always traumatic, especially for a kid. Kol Nidre, my people call it, and we have a close relationship with the sad phenomenon. It makes one angry, want to lash out. But the most important thing this kid needs to be taught is not to take it out on their body, their future, or their personal relationship with God.

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Right or Wrong...Would You Tell?