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You know your life sucks when....

posted 11/14/2008 5:52:16 PM |
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  bobbierob

(13 May 1998, New Jersey) There's apparently not much to do in Long Branch during the long May evenings. A 51-year-old man decided to satisfy his fantasy of robotic love by seeking sexual gratification with his vacuum cleaner. Most men would think twice before poking a valuable organ into a vacuum, but this optimistic fellow had no qualms about the safety of his intended course of action. And using a vacuum cleaner had the appealing aspect of tidying up his mess after satisfying him.
Our horny hero didn't realize that the suction on his hand-held Singer A-6 was created by a blade whirling just beneath the hose attachment, adjacent to the collection bag. His search for pleasure was cut short seconds after he stuck his penis into the vacuum and the blade lopped off part of his penis. With a sense of loss, he staggered to the phone and called police. He told them that he had been stabbed in his sleep. When police pointed out suspicious evidence, the victim claimed not to remember the incident.

Surgeons at Monmouth Medical Center stopped the bleeding, but were unable to reattach the 1/2" severed part.

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Comments:

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keepinganeyeout

Nov 14 @ 5:57PM  
ok......that sucks .......
budman701

Nov 14 @ 6:45PM  
HEADS UP !!!!!!
theSkwirl

Nov 14 @ 6:47PM  
How wrong is it that I'm laughing my ass off here?
max49

Nov 14 @ 6:53PM  
It is so wrong. Sounds like a shortening experience to me.
Looking4ever

Nov 14 @ 7:06PM  
With a sense of loss, he staggered to the phone and called police

A sense of loss? A sense of loss? I'd think it would be more than a sense of loss and more like writhing in extreme pain!
geena

Nov 14 @ 7:07PM  
Baby !! don't ever do that even when you're old, I promise we will have fun forever and ever
geena

Nov 14 @ 7:07PM  
Baby !! don't ever do that even when you're old, I promise we will have fun forever and ever
Sunshine79

Nov 14 @ 7:45PM  
His search for pleasure was cut short

Literally!
Blueyesprkln

Nov 15 @ 1:13AM  
casuallylooking

Nov 15 @ 1:33AM  
With a sense of loss
He's lucky it wasn't a loss of consciousness due to blood loss..,idiot.

His search for pleasure was cut short seconds
That evidently wasn't the only thing cut short......

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You know your life sucks when....