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Straddle's Surrogate

posted 11/8/2008 1:42:43 PM |
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Following the election, Americans are giving the president elect a chance to fulfill the dreams of some and assuage the fears of others. In Blogland, it has gotten a bit ugly today. Shit is being stirred, so in keeping with the theme of shit, I am going to attempt to try a detour from the shit while staying on the subject of shit. I think that I can do this.

We all had decisions we had to make during the election. For the first time in this century things went the way I wanted. My choice for prez won and we can now, FINALLY, buy beer and wine at stores in my city (there was opponents to this that had campaign signs with white lettering on a red background that simply said "NO". I got one of those, turned it upside down, placed it in my yard and it said "ON".)

Anyway, getting back to decisions and shit. Twenty years ago when I had to fart or shit, the question was where. Now, after 57 plus orbits around the sun, I have to decide whether the anal impulse is going to be a fart or a shit. Instead of automatically being able to read the appropriate sensation, I have to bet on it. To complicate matters there is a reduced time to respond to it. It is quite unfair because if you decide it is a shit, you have a reduced time to get to the potty and one is not nearly as swift a foot at the age of 57 as they were in bygone days.

The answer to the question of whether it is a fart or shit, the answer is frequently, yes. Not exactly the best of both worlds. But I have a live in housekeeper so the results on the porcelain are not my problem. I have too much ego to resort to wearing a diaper. Everyone has heard of the adage, "When in doubt, don't." My philosophy now concerning this issue is, "When in doubt, doo."

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Nov 8 @ 1:52PM  
You crack me up, Bruce!! Thanks!

Nov 8 @ 1:54PM  

That's a bunch of shit............

Nov 8 @ 1:56PM  
There is alot of Doo today .....May it be as swift to be flushed .

Nov 8 @ 2:03PM  
In this season of political change and reassessment of where we are, I've been accused of being a cynic. That "everything is going to come out all right". You see, I didn't get my way in the election and I guess I am a cynic.

But when it comes to shit, I know everything will "come out all right". And at 54, I too have changd my outlook on the shit/fart question. I now follow the three rules of aging, 1) Never pass a bathroom, 2) Never waste an erection, and 3) never trust a fart.

Follow these three rules and you'll have little to worry about.

Nov 8 @ 3:09PM  
you need to join us on ratemypoo bruce....make good use of your refuse

Nov 8 @ 3:35PM  
you mean...doo doo

Nov 8 @ 3:39PM  
I don't give a shit what they say about you Bruce, your one funny guy!

Nov 8 @ 3:48PM  
Good one!
My Doctors appt. is in 2 weeks.. how about yours?

Nov 8 @ 4:39PM  

Bruce I have to agree with both " You " and " Manwithoutahorse " on this subject.

I'm giving you a kudo. Even if it was a shity blog.

Nov 8 @ 5:38PM  

Nov 8 @ 5:58PM  
I wasn't here,what did I miss?

Nov 8 @ 5:58PM  
sooo in with the new and out with the old.........SHIT

Nov 8 @ 6:31PM  
When in doubt, doo

And what a bunch of doodoo a few of these comments in BlogLand have been.

I have found that people who feel the need to garner attention from their small minds only do so as it is the largest thing on their bodies.

Whew! It feels good to get that off my chest. I have been dying to say it all day but refused to up someones comment count on their blog to say it.

Kudo to you big guy,....

Nov 8 @ 8:39PM  
Nevermind,I read now. What the fuck was up with that dude?

Nov 8 @ 8:54PM  
when in doubt one should always doo! clears the mind.

Nov 8 @ 10:04PM  
On rare occasions I have what I call a ...three flush crap. No has nothing to doo with gambling. It has everything to doo with a full crapper. I usually feel light as a feather afterwards

Nov 8 @ 10:22PM  
Now that is a "shit" blog

I am SO glad this election is over. Most of the news anchors have gone back to reporting news...some, well, that's what a remote is for.

Nov 9 @ 7:02AM  
Have you seen 'The Bucket List'?? two thumbs up.

One of the best lines I've seen Nicholson have, was close to:

"Never trust a fart"

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