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Marriage

posted 11/3/2008 9:12:11 AM |
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tagged: jokes
  dmbchick420

Good morning Hope you guys had a good weekend.....I've been away for the weekend and haven't had a chance to catch up on the blogs.....I skimmed them a little bit. I don't know if I'll have much time to comment on them today. I got a lot of crap to do at work today, unfortunately Anyways....I wanted to pass this along.....

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Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

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Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

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Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,
'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'

She says, 'I was in bed.'

'In bed this early, doing what?'

'Getting a second opinion!'

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Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party.

The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

*****************************************

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM.
Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

*****************************************

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

*****************************************

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Comments:

post a comment!

onehornytoad69

Nov 3 @ 9:42AM  
Cute.. thx!
themama

Nov 3 @ 10:05AM  
Dan360

Nov 3 @ 10:07AM  

Great stuff!

Thx for sharing.....
Sunshine79

Nov 3 @ 10:26AM  
Ewe_Wish

Nov 3 @ 11:02AM  



Woman and man get married. That night he takes off his pants and tells her to put them on.......She said i cant wear your pants.....he said thats right I run the house and I wear the pants.........She takes off her pants and hands them to him.....He asked what he was suppose to do with those he couldnt get into her pants..........and she replied Yep and you wont either until you change your fucking attitude........
lunanegra

Nov 3 @ 11:54AM  
Joke #4... OH SNAP!
mrknowuwell

Nov 3 @ 2:07PM  
theSkwirl

Nov 3 @ 6:46PM  
I'd like a third opinion.. anyone up for it?
ynot7769

Nov 3 @ 8:38PM  

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Marriage