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posted 11/1/2008 10:23:48 AM |
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tagged: sex, cheating, sunshine, question
  Sunshine79

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Few affairs begin because one person feels like they no longer love their spouse or partner," says Dr. Haltzman. "They may not be happy at the moment but it doesn't mean there isn't any love." Reasons for cheating often point to other issues in the relationship, such as the husband needing an ego boost from a woman not his wife, or the wife looking for more attention than she gets at home.


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Do you agree or disagree with this statement??

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Comments:

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Wordsofwit

Nov 1 @ 10:30AM  
I will disagree. In general, I think that men stray out of sexual boredom and women do so when they are unhappy.
MUDSHARK450

Nov 1 @ 10:40AM  
Disagree as well. I cannot envision cheating on someone when the love is there. What kind of man needs such an ego boost?
keepinganeyeout

Nov 1 @ 10:48AM  
Medical issues can also be a factor.
I was with a woman for 4 years and in the 3rd she suffered a heart attack.
Her sex drive was non existent after that. I dont know if it was from fear or the meds she was on. I didnt cheat on her but did leave the relationship due to lack of intimacy and her compulsive gambling. Would I have strayed if I had stayed?
I really dont know She would have sex but it was like the monkey humping the sand in that video Sam posted. (she just layed there.)
Basicly like fucking a warm cadaver.......
onehornytoad69

Nov 1 @ 10:51AM  
I agree to a Point!!!
I work with a couple of MARRIED guys, that are real Players...!
Let me just say.. they know what to do and say to make some Married women.. give in!!!
Attention.. I think is the # 1 reason why Men and Women cheat!!! When they get more away from home than at home! My 2 cents!
Sunshine79

Nov 1 @ 10:51AM  
Basicly like fucking a warm cadaver.......

Hey, at least it was warm, yanno?? A cold cadaver would have ruined a good hard on!!
keepinganeyeout

Nov 1 @ 11:07AM  
The flesh was warm, but the soul had grown cold
Thats a boner buster too
bobbierob

Nov 1 @ 11:11AM  
I have to agree with this one!! ....... That person may still love their spouse, but maybe isn't getting something that they desire from their spouse.

No, I don't think it is usually anything sexual. Perhaps she deparately wants to feel needed (or wanted) and her husband doesn't make her feel that way for whatever reason. She encounters a guy that makes her feel good about herself.... one thing leads to another and BOOM the affair starts.
Ewe_Wish

Nov 1 @ 11:11AM  
First off the statement wasnt giving reasons why people have affairs.......he said they include.....
Reasons for cheating often point to other issues in the relationship, such as the husband needing an ego boost from a woman not his wife, or the wife looking for more attention than she gets at home
His statement is saying just because someone has an affair doesnt mean there isnt any love left in the relationship....

They may not be happy at the moment but it doesn't mean there isn't any love."

And I do agree with that.........people cheat for many reasons.....but the least one i have ever heard was because they didnt love each other anymore.......tho that does happen.........I have over many years of being online talked to married men......a lot of them became good friends of mine..........and when I asked them why not just get a divorce........about 90% said that they loved their wives........and all had different reasons for cheating...no sex....medical reasons....wrong schedules ect.........very few said they didnt love thier wives.........
themama

Nov 1 @ 11:33AM  
I agree to a point... I talk to alot of married men.. They all say thay still are in love w/ their wives..Just their sex life has not been the same... Can be because of many different things...
BritnBrat

Nov 1 @ 12:04PM  
I agree with words of wit. I think that the longer two people stay together, the more complacent they become and one or the other may seek excitement elsewhere. I'd be happy just to be in the same country as my wife but I can't see this becoming a reality any time soon.
Brit
Looking4ever

Nov 1 @ 12:19PM  
I really do think it is often because one or the other isn't feeling like they are important to their spouse any longer. Is it lack of sex? Sometimes. But I really think it boils down to them feeling like they don't matter to their spouse any longer. When we are in long term relationships, I think most of us end up taking the love and affection for granted. "He knows I love him" type stuff. How does he know? Well, I think, we assume that because we cook and clean for him, he should just know, right? And vice versa. I really think we need to go back and do those things that we were doing when the relationship started...and quit taking for granted that the other person knows how we feel about them.
hot4you120

Nov 1 @ 1:27PM  
sounds about right.
Lisa46

Nov 1 @ 1:30PM  
I agree with Ewe I had a friend who said he also loved his wife but during menapause she had no desire for sex anymore. Had me terrified hell I guess I'm weird cause I want it all the time oh anyways he said he loved her always would just needed intamacy.
Sunshine79

Nov 1 @ 1:43PM  
I really do think it is often because one or the other isn't feeling like they are important to their spouse any longer. Is it lack of sex? Sometimes. But I really think it boils down to them feeling like they don't matter to their spouse any longer. When we are in long term relationships, I think most of us end up taking the love and affection for granted. "He knows I love him" type stuff. How does he know? Well, I think, we assume that because we cook and clean for him, he should just know, right? And vice versa. I really think we need to go back and do those things that we were doing when the relationship started...and quit taking for granted that the other person knows how we feel about them.

Amen to that sister!!!
funnywhapper

Nov 1 @ 2:42PM  
i thought this over in my early 40's.
homo sapiens is not a mongamous
creature. women stray more
than men, because nature
made them that way, to ensure
they are pregnant at all times,
to ensure the perpetuation
of the species, homo sapiens.
(humanity). its part of instinct.
we have no mating season.
we are always 'in heat' so to speak.
the reproductive instinct is very
strong in homo sapiens.
Wordsofwit

Nov 1 @ 3:09PM  
I posted a related blog recently and kind of consider this a rerun. Good perspectives in the comments here:
http://www.adultmatchdoctor.com/blog_31722/Marital_Infidelity_Rising_in_Women_-_Research.html
Wordsofwit

Nov 1 @ 3:20PM  
This recent blog addresses the issue very well with comments. In the horseshoes and hand grenades world of blogging, this post is a rerun. Regardless, some good recent responses are in this this thread on the subject. I have some comments ad don"t choose to rewrite them again!
http://www.adultmatchdoctor.com/blog_31695/Leason_time_for_married_men_It_s_my_60th_blog.html
lunanegra

Nov 1 @ 3:51PM  
Ok,then how do we explain those who are happily taken and still play the field?

Oh...someone answered that,whoops.

What I read was men need emotional reassurance in relationships just as much as women...oh,someone covered that too?

Well fuck.

I guess monogamy is dead. No one stays with one person forever anymore.
MUDSHARK450

Nov 1 @ 4:29PM  
Had me terrified hell I guess I'm weird cause I want it all the time
Lisa rocks.
Dan360

Nov 1 @ 4:34PM  

I think a lot it has to do with communication or the lack of it. That sounds simple and it is but very hard to get people to do.....
onehornytoad69

Nov 1 @ 4:46PM  
I think a lot it has to do with communication or the lack of it. That sounds simple and it is but very hard to get people to do.....
AMEN!!!
Even ppl Dating.. or trying to get to know each other on-line!
Thats what its all about!!!! Dont Read Minds!!!
TALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Be honest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My 2 cents again... does that Cost me 4 cents?
Sunshine79

Nov 1 @ 5:22PM  

My 2 cents again... does that Cost me 4 cents?

No, it costs 6 cents because of inflation!!
MUDSHARK450

Nov 1 @ 5:58PM  
And vice versa. I really think we need to go back and do those things that we were doing when the relationship started...and quit taking for granted that the other person knows how we feel about them.
Nothing can be harder to do. It sneaks up on you over a long period of time (in my case 28 years). Eventually, nothing is left, kids are grown, all commitments fulfilled, and the realization that each would be happier apart sets in. Not all relationships end with bad events such as infidelity, physical abuse, drug abuse, etc...
lunanegra

Nov 1 @ 8:39PM  
Not all relationships end with bad events such as infidelity, physical abuse, drug abuse, etc...

I like happy endings.

Not being cavalier..I do.
DesertSmile

Nov 2 @ 12:08AM  
That statement only covers a small portion of the reasoning and if far from complete.

Given my personal situation I, like Ewe, have talked with many, many married men who are looking for fulfillment. Many start the process thinking it's of a sexual nature and the more you talk with them and get to know them I can say 99% of these men have the same fundamental reason for stepping outside the marriage. These men simply feel they are not needed any longer be it sexual or emotional.

Men are human, they have needs and they have emotions but most know and respect their obligations but are caught in this whirlwind of life where they are constantly giving and receiving nothing in return. Who can live this way?

I consider myself successful in that I have been able to convince a few men not to take the irreversable leap and think long and hard before making a decision that can have devasting results.

I am not saying they are not out there but I have met very few true philanderers, men who cannot keep it zipped or women who can't keep their skirts on.

This may be a rerun of topics but it is one that will continually resurface from time to time because it is a topic worthy of discussion.

talkpro

Nov 2 @ 1:24AM  
The Dr. is examining the marriage relationship through a female prism. “Affairs” are had by women for reasons a male (even one disciplined in psychology) can only guess at. Men have affairs for a far more fundamental reason that the exhaustion of love for their partner.

Men are genetically predisposed to fuck anything that moves until their testosterone ceases to guide their every move. If this were not true the species would never have survived. The male “affair” has nothing to do with love or the lack of it and even less to do with ego. That is a purely female view of the activity.

Opinions like this doctor's that find their way into print would be legally actionable in a society devoted to truth above the freedom to express ignorance – not that I would endorse such a society. The only people with less common sense that the doctor are the people who take what he has to say seriously.

You asked for a reaction.
onehornytoad69

Nov 2 @ 6:26AM  
These men simply feel they are not needed any longer be it sexual or emotional.
This is the #1 Rule in being a Player... see how easy yall are!!! J/K!!!!!!!
ynot7769

Nov 2 @ 10:38AM  
i actully read and article saying basicly same thing....it's not ALWAYS bout sex......bout bein paid attention to.....duno for ME....i always saw cheating as a lack of charachter


wada i know
chuck111

Jan 15 @ 2:32PM  
you are right on the money

chuck

love you
ShadowMale

Jan 15 @ 2:45PM  
I find that humans as a comllective tend to bore easily. Doing the same thing the same way cen get old.

From personal experience, one of the biggest problems is when someone refuses to communicate what they want, and what they will try. I was with someone that thought that I should be able to read minds and that I was to know exactly what they wanted all the time.

All people are different, and expecting a guy to just know what you want without you telling him is a 1 in 30 billion shot. Sure someone out there thinks the way you do, but wouldn't it be easier if you just said it, and then moved on to doing it?

It's these unneeded stresses that cause relationships to break down, and everyone handles that stress differently. I know a married woman that simply felt the need to cheat in order to get back at her husband (for something he probably never knew he did). If people would simply communicate better, there would be less problems leading to cheating in my opinion.

Also, some people just have really high sex drives and aren't ready to settle down, but they are pressured to do so by friends and family. I have seen it. The parents bug them and friends pick on them for being single, so they feel the need to get married, but inside, they still aren't ready.

In reality, there are many reasons for people cheating, and for anyone to lump it all into one reason is purely absurd. If we all thought the same, there would be no need for people to study psychology in the first place. But on that note, I think those people that do study psyhcology have a false sense that they are the end all for knowledge on how people think, and that also is just purely absurd.

There is my buck fifty.... keep the change...

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