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Ducks? What is it with ducks this morning? - Jokes

posted 10/25/2008 9:52:47 AM |
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  Wordsofwit

Okay, here are some duck jokes. I haven't posted them for at least six months, so I don't consider them reruns.

A guy walks into a doctor’s office with a duck on his head. The receptionist asks, “How can we help you?” The duck replies, “I need to get this guy’s head out of my ass?”

A 13 year old boy asks his mother if he can go to the movies. She agrees provided he gets his chores done first. The kid dawdles around and doesn’t get them done until a few minutes before show time. As he is leaving for the theater his mother reminds him to make sure the gate is closed so the ducks don’t get out. He bolts out of the gate and he suddenly realized he had forgotten his money so darts back into the house to get it. When comes back out he sees that gate is open and there is a duck heading down the road. Fortunately, it is going towards the theater. He chases it down and catches it near the theater. There isn’t time to go back home without missing the beginning of the picture, so he stuffs it down his pants. During a steamy love scene in the movie, the duck begins to fidget. The boy unzips his pants and the duck pops its head out. To keep it from quacking he begins to pet it. A lady with her husband sitting behind and off to the side notices what is happening but is not sure what is going on. She mentions it to her husband and he glances over and sees the boy stroking the duck. He leans over to his wife and explains that boys do that and he did the same thing when he was that age. A few minutes later she nudges him and points towards the boy. The husband says, “Honey, I just explained to you that he was pleasuring his best friend.” She replied, “I understand that but his best friend is eating popcorn.”

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and had not been seen for five days.
An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds.
The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were okay.
"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love."
The old man replied, "I thought so, would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They're choking the shit out of my ducks!"

That last joke won the geriatric joke contest this spring.
http://www.adultmatchdoctor.com/blog_27070/Contest_-_Top_Ten_Geriatric_Jokes_Final_Results.html
I thought it was a cool idea but it turned out to be a failed bit.

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Comments:

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flavorbuster

Oct 25 @ 10:03AM  
Those are pretty good & never heard them before so I had a morning chuckle
theSkwirl

Oct 25 @ 10:28AM  
First joke... them are some big pants that boy is wearing!!! funny though!

Second joke..
Sunshine79

Oct 25 @ 10:42AM  
A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and had not been seen for five days.
An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds.
The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were okay.
"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love."
The old man replied, "I thought so, would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They're choking the shit out of my ducks!"


LMAO...thanks for the laugh Bruce!

Dan360

Oct 25 @ 11:22AM  

Funny stuff!
keepinganeyeout

Oct 25 @ 11:33AM  
pretty good there buddy!
lunanegra

Oct 25 @ 2:29PM  
First one never gets old

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Ducks? What is it with ducks this morning? - Jokes