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Pussy Eating Tips For The Men.....ENJOY!!!

posted 10/17/2008 11:41:57 AM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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tagged: pussy, funny, licking, tips

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Exercise 1
Stick your tongue as far out of your mouth as possible, and then try to touch your nose. Eat a booger, if possible. Repeat in 3 sets of 10 reps or when boogers are clear. This exercise is fun, funny to watch, and nutritious. It also makes a great decongestant.

Exercise 2
With a loose jaw, point your tongue while simultaneously trying to keep your tongue in constant contact with the top and bottom of your mouth. You'll quickly learn that this is impossible. A Zen-like exercise designed to equip you mentally for failing again and again to satisfy your lover.

Exercise 3
Keep your tongue relaxed and open your mouth. Move your tongue in and out of your mouth, forward, and in both directions, while licking hair from her hair brush. Try to focus while clearing the hairs. Practice in five sets of twenty and build up to adding aromas and darkness to the exercise.

Get Licking!

Now that your tongue is in shape it's time to start licking. Lick everything you can get your tongue on and are legally allowed to touch. Be sure to invest in a big hunk of filleted salmon. I know what your saying, "Salmon is like $12 a pound, can't I use a lollypop or a nice piece of dried cod?" When it comes to training for licking labia, you can't skimp! Save the dried cod for her post-menopausal years.

Not only does salmon have the right look and feel, after a couple of days it will smell right too. Before diving in, check your salmon for errant bones and remove any you find with a plier. Important Note: You don't have to perform this task with a real pussy.

Things Not To Do!

Bad Ideas

The Fidel
Placing your chin in her bush and yelling, "Conyo! You dirty imperialist Americans are a demanding bunch!" is some funny shit. While most women admire a man with a sense of humor this is neither the time nor the place. Well, it is the place but it's not the time. Save this move for the post-coital wrap-up.

The Rabbi
Place that yarmukle you got at your accountant's wedding on her bush. Make an ambulance noise as you dive in, crying "I'll save you Rabbi Schwartz!"

Making Farting Noises
Every man gets the urge to stick your face right in there and go "PPPPPTTTTPPPPT!!!" I mean you just know its gonna sound great. Resist this urge. It's not going to help you attain your objective. Worse, she may think that she just farted in your face which will either embarass her or be her dream come true.

Bon App├ętit!

There are few things more exciting to a woman than to know that her partner finds her delicious; meaning that you enjoy the taste, smell and feeling of her vaginal juices. Think of how you respond to a plate of ribs or a nice corned beef on rye. Feel free to say "What a value!," or "Pass the mustard!" or "A pickle would go great with this!" Consider a generous tip - don't just automatically leave 15%.

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post a comment!


Oct 17 @ 11:49AM  


Pass the mustard...............

Oct 17 @ 11:52AM  
Before diving in, check your salmon for errant bones and remove any you find with a plier. Important Note: You don't have to perform this task with a real pussy.
Hmmm....I wonder what those sharp bits in there WERE, then...??

Oct 17 @ 12:01PM  
and always carry a can of readywhip

Oct 17 @ 12:07PM  
octopussy by ian fleming. recommended for the reading list.
shows how eight is the magic number. it used to seven
but its now eight. some of us are behind the 8 ball.
scratched on the 8 ball again. awww well. put in another
1000 dollars into the pool table. or try the pinball machine.
it takes 1000 bills too. self checkout. how high tech. the most
low god wins again.

Oct 17 @ 12:58PM  
i always tip 20%

Oct 17 @ 3:46PM  
Wonders if Sunshine will provide certificates of compliance. I think Ewe will have fun with this one on the next 'This week at AMD".

Oct 17 @ 3:47PM  
Can I hum while I'm licking?

Oct 17 @ 6:28PM  
Don't forget to bring saltines, it will distract the crabs.

Never, ever, ever, ever, cough while eating out a woman. Her eyes will pop out of her skull. ( which is handy if your into skull fucking).

Oct 17 @ 7:05PM  
I need no tips!

Oct 18 @ 9:44AM  
LOL to important note on get licking & would definately pass.... nothing like the real stuff Being able to peel it off my face & eating it like a potato the next morning is leading by example......

Oct 18 @ 3:59PM  
straddle, i think u need this tips u need practice,, hahaha these r good tips for you 2 follow,,

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Pussy Eating Tips For The Men.....ENJOY!!!