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Battle Of The Sexes

posted 10/16/2008 11:02:32 AM |
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tagged: funny, joke, sunshine
  Sunshine79

When does a woman care for a man's company?
When he owns it.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.


Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.

What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom,
and an ass to pay for it all.


How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.


What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.

What did God say after creating Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."


What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.


Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married
women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.


What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says:
"So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her
so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you.


Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
He wouldn't ask for directions.

Hope you all had a laugh.... .... ......... ........... ..........

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Comments:

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Ewe_Wish

Oct 16 @ 11:12AM  
Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
He wouldn't ask for directions.


Wordsofwit

Oct 16 @ 11:46AM  
Some of these are old but many are not and are a riot. Kudo!

Funniest stuff I read on here since a blog posted last night was removed by the poster.
NightOfOld

Oct 16 @ 12:08PM  

Good ones sweety. kudo
themama

Oct 16 @ 12:13PM  

Kudos to you....
casuallylooking

Oct 16 @ 12:29PM  
Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
He wouldn't ask for directions.
I've heard this and know many men who won't ask for directions....
But I teased Griz that I was going to blog this so I hope you don't mind me adding it to your blog, Megan..

We just took a 4 day roadtrip and during that time we went to Wisc. Since we went there from Northern Minn instead of how he normally goes there, he did stop and look at a map. However.....part way there they did construction with a major detour and didnt change the signs.... So, he actually stopped and asked directions...Twice. Cause the first one wasn't much help due to the signs not being where they should have been on that road either....lol
Ironically, it was a woman that gave him correct directions and got us back on track....
funnywhapper

Oct 16 @ 2:25PM  
bananna split, split my sides laughing. bannanas don't float.
laughter yoga. laughter therapy.
now if your friend you're telling
jokes to, is all bandaged up
with broken ribs, don't cheer
him up. he should remain
blue, down. cause if he chuckles
his ribcage hurts. a real ribtickler.
ticklish. we're putting a deal
together to buy the Universe,
wanna put in some venture capital?
maxximuss1967

Oct 16 @ 2:31PM  
Did you hear about the new paint from Sears.

"its blonde."

ITS, CHEAP, WET, and SPREADS EZ!

Why they smack newborn babbys? it knocks the Dicks off the dumb ones!
keepinganeyeout

Oct 16 @ 6:20PM  
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
so i'm not the only one
hot4you120

Oct 16 @ 7:47PM  
damn thats crappy ima find a bu nch of girl hating crap now.... ill se you in court
LilGriz

Oct 16 @ 8:57PM  
he actually stopped and asked directions

Yep, asked twice - from women both times. Real men aren't afraid to ask directions, since it will get you to your destination faster......

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Battle Of The Sexes