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posted 11/26/2006 10:25:20 PM |
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  LadieDarkStarr

Ok I need a little in put from people. Men and women alike. Put me in perspective, tell me what I'm doing wrong/right, help me figure out this mess I put myself in. ::sigh::

Background: My son's father and I have been separated for almost 10 months now. Before this we were together for over 14 months (I know I know not THAT long, especially to have had his child, but just go with it OK?) I was madly in love with him. He was madly in love with me. Things were FANTASTIC. Then I got preggers. LoL I don't know where or what happened but things just started going down hill. Never happy to see eachother. Constantly angry with eachother. (I was mad at him because he became unresponsive to me emotionally, physically, and mentally. He was mad at me because I became less motivated *I was REALLY sick during my pregnancy* and ultimately lazy. I stopped doing shit b/c he was pulling away, he started pulling away b/c I stopped doing shit. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? We'll never know.) ANYWAY. I eventually got tired of being miserable and of making him miserable so I packed my bags and Reese and I left. It killed me to do it, I knew I'd regret it on some level but I had no choice. If I ever wanted to be the independent strong woman I knew I could be, I had to do this.

After months of hating eachother and some serious back and forth shit we found a good stride. We're pretty decent friends, we are excellent parents. We still love eachother for the fact that we are Reese's Mom and Dad.

Tonight I went to pick Reese up from his house. We were just hangin out like usual. Playin Guitar Hero (fuck I suck at that game...) and just spending family time together. I pinch his ass, he slaps mine... tease and flirt here... tease and flirt there... Now we're up in his bedroom (Reese is napping on the couch) and one thing leads to another. We ended up sleeping together for the first time in 10 months. This tells me ALOT of things.
1) He doesn't hate me anymore and knows that I am a different girl than I was when I left (this is good)
2) I still love him, for more than just being Reese's dad.
3) He still cares about me for more than just being Reese's mom
4) He obviously doesn't care as much about Liz as I thought (this is DEFINATELY good)
5) I'm a complete moron.

I knew going into this what it was, I know now what it was. We were just having some fun. Whats wrong with sleeping with someone you've already slept with? I know it was good save sex and that is all. However... how much into this should I read? Whats everyone's thoughts on the whole thing...

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Blogs by LadieDarkStarr:
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Panties
Being Sexy
Aftermath
Perfect Christmas
HELP ME
HotPepper pt.2
HotPepper pt1
One Hell of a Birthday
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Bitch Bitch Bitch
Bathtime Fun
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Transformation
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Quick Rant
Falling in Love
Heartache
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Comments:

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StraddleMyNose

Nov 26 @ 10:34PM  
You may want to follow your heart, but you also need to think more about what you're going to do if that makes any sense. Just be careful not to get hurt whatever you may decide. Sorry if that's not too helpful.
LadyMaura

Nov 26 @ 10:39PM  
You're in a complicated situation especially for being a mother and being so young. During pregnancy people get resentful, it changes things, not just the physical. Especially when you're being intimate, the stomach becomes a barrier during sex *the time with two people ultimately connect*. Now, you don't feel like doing anything because there's this huge stomach in the way and crazy hormones that make you dizzy, so here he's doing everything. Two young people are becoming parents way before their time and there is blame being put on each other. When the baby is born things change even more. He feels like he's doing more than you, you feel like you're doing more than him. Fighting occurs and this poor innocent child is stuck in the middle. You two clearly weren't in the right place to have a child together, and thus, didn't last as a couple after the child was born. Things are different including emotions when it's just a young woman and a young man, things are fun and lighthearted, but when you throw a huge adult responsibility in true colors begin to show.

You have your problem, you realize how much you've missed him, that you're still very much attracted to him and you're wondering if he feels the same. You need to ask him, don't rack your brain trying to figure it out you'll only drive yourself crazy. You won't know if he is or isn't until you ask him. So suck up the courage, be an adult, and just ask flat out "How do you feel about me?"...
LadieDarkStarr

Nov 26 @ 10:45PM  
First of all, his father is 26.... he's the "right" age to have a kid. I've been my own mother since I was 10 and my mom discovered what a bar actually was. I've got the mothering thing down. I slightly resent that you assumed we weren't 'ready'. I'd like to know what the right age IS to have a child. Look back a few hundred years... women my our age would have been married for close to 10 years and already have 3 or 4 kids under their belts. Just because times change doesn't mean our natrual instinct always does.
Secondly, I've asked him that several times. And everytime I DO ask him that things change for him slightly. I'm paying attention to what he says but actions speak louder than words.
StraddleMyNose

Nov 26 @ 10:47PM  
It sounds like LadyM is very direct and to the point, and looks like she gave pretty good advice to you on this one. Too bad I wasn't much help to you. lol My hats off to her for this comment.
tounge_lasher

Nov 26 @ 10:52PM  
can you say just horney? I've bben in the same situation ex-sex is best.
isanut

Nov 26 @ 11:02PM  
He' just not that into you. He needs to mature and he is scared of being a dad. Will it work out? I don't know. But you need to let him know that you are NOT available to him. If you get comfortable with this you may bin in for a really, really big let down. IMHO
Oldboy58

Nov 26 @ 11:49PM  
While LadyM touched on some good points I believe she has assumed too many things without really knowing you. I believe you just got to do what feels right for you. No-one else can judge for you. If there are mistakes to be made then they have to be your own mistakes. I have followed advice from others at times and now wish that I had done what I had wanted to do in the first place. You know yourself better than anyone else does so you must decide what you want.
Luv2givface

Nov 27 @ 12:24AM  
Well, I think straddle says it right when he says follow your heart. But you need to understand where your heart is leading you. I would say give it time. see how it goes, how your child feels. don't commit again unless you are sure it will work. number one think of your child.
BlueEyedTool

Nov 27 @ 12:28AM  
The kewlest thing would be to try and be parents together if at all possible.....
Raven_Silverfire

Nov 27 @ 4:20AM  
things can change alot with the passage of time. I've heard it said that it can take quite awhile for the hormones from pregnancy to leave one's system. but people also change under stress. (and i know pregnancy can be stressful). I can't vouch for his thoughts, Perhaps he has grown an attraction to the woman you've become, perhaps he was horny and missed your bed company. Either way someday the issue will still need to be talked over
DickSlippery

Nov 27 @ 5:07AM  
I'm not about 2 pretend 2 know the particulars 2 Ur situation, so please understand I am dealing in generalities here...

I think women sometimes forget (or in some cases don't even realize) just how difficult it is 2 get laid if U are a man. Unless U are a Chippendale dancer (most of whom are gay) or some kind of self-made, dotcom billionaire it gets a little tough out there. That's because all U have 2 do 2 get some dick is walk up 2 the first guy U see and say, "Can I have some dick?" and poof! Just like that...u get some dick! It doesn't work that way for us. Unless we want 2 fuck some drunken barfly or pay for a hooker we may very well just end up watching porn on Cinemax and jerking off. It's pretty much a crap shoot.

Let's try an experiment. U pick 10 chicks for me and I'll pick 10 guys for U. We'll send them identical e-mails asking for a naked pic and do they want 2 fuck? Then we'll watch as U recieve 10 cock pics (or at least the same cock pic 10 times) and I get ignored. Now let's do it with a hundred. I might get one response (it'd probably be sunny telling me 2 read her fucking profile). U getting tired yet?

The odds shift a little N2 our favor, however, when it is a chick that U have already been with (a LOT in our favor if we made her thighs shake), but it's still a woman's game we are playing and we play if and when she wants 2. Far as we can tell, we may never get another piece of pussy as long as we live, so when It becomes available we tend 2 jump on it...literally. Especially if it is a woman as beautiful as U are. But even if we aren't all that attracted 2 her, we'll still probably fuck her. One does not necessarily have anything 2 do with the other.

So how does all of this relate 2 U and Ur situation? Well, quite frankly...Ur an easy lay (for him...not myself or anyone else.). He doesn't have 2 work 2 get N2 Ur panties, because he has already been there. If he has ever rang Ur bell he is probably even a little cocky about it. I mean, sure, he has 2 be nice and fun and make sure U are having a good time, but that's about all. How much do U want 2 bet it would take me more than a crappy video game and a slap on the ass 2 get the privilage of fucking U? Even if we knew eachother...hell, even if U like me!

My point is this. Don't read 2 much N2 his part in this. Sure...the waters may look murky, but that may just be because they are shallow. I guarantee U it took a lot more for U 2 fuck him again than it did for him 2 fuck U. And unless U are planning 2 get hurt quit fucking him now. It can go good in only one way...it can go bad in a million different ways. If it's just about getting some dick...well I guess I will just have 2 take one for the team and offer up my services. Don't like me that way? That's ok...I am at the head of a very long line of guys hoping 2 land the position. I'm sure there will be someone who is 2 Ur liking.

One last thing...I got the impression that he has another girlfriend now and Ur little tryst was, in fact him cheating on her. If this is so, there's not a whole hell of a lot U can do. Leopards don't change thier spots and a man who cheats with U damn sure will cheat on U if he gets the opportunity. Matter of fact, U may want 2 re-examine any past situations where U had a feeling or something he said just didn't sit right. He may have been fucking around then. (I'd look right around the time he began pulling away if I were U.) Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know all about the we have a child 2gether and it's a special bond and how that girl is just some fucking bitch who'd better quit trying 2 be Ur son's mom bullshit U have been telling Urself. Let me ask U this...what is he telling her?

or I could be wrong. I hope that I am.

Good luck...I hope I was helpful.

DS

DickSlippery

Nov 27 @ 5:08AM  
I'm not about 2 pretend 2 know the particulars 2 Ur situation, so please understand I am dealing in generalities here...

I think women sometimes forget (or in some cases don't even realize) just how difficult it is 2 get laid if U are a man. Unless U are a Chippendale dancer (most of whom are gay) or some kind of self-made, dotcom billionaire it gets a little tough out there. That's because all U have 2 do 2 get some dick is walk up 2 the first guy U see and say, "Can I have some dick?" and poof! Just like that...u get some dick! It doesn't work that way for us. Unless we want 2 fuck some drunken barfly or pay for a hooker we may very well just end up watching porn on Cinemax and jerking off. It's pretty much a crap shoot.

Let's try an experiment. U pick 10 chicks for me and I'll pick 10 guys for U. We'll send them identical e-mails asking for a naked pic and do they want 2 fuck? Then we'll watch as U recieve 10 cock pics (or at least the same cock pic 10 times) and I get ignored. Now let's do it with a hundred. I might get one response (it'd probably be sunny telling me 2 read her fucking profile). U getting tired yet?

The odds shift a little N2 our favor, however, when it is a chick that U have already been with (a LOT in our favor if we made her thighs shake), but it's still a woman's game we are playing and we play if and when she wants 2. Far as we can tell, we may never get another piece of pussy as long as we live, so when It becomes available we tend 2 jump on it...literally. Especially if it is a woman as beautiful as U are. But even if we aren't all that attracted 2 her, we'll still probably fuck her. One does not necessarily have anything 2 do with the other.

So how does all of this relate 2 U and Ur situation? Well, quite frankly...Ur an easy lay (for him...not myself or anyone else.). He doesn't have 2 work 2 get N2 Ur panties, because he has already been there. If he has ever rang Ur bell he is probably even a little cocky about it. I mean, sure, he has 2 be nice and fun and make sure U are having a good time, but that's about all. How much do U want 2 bet it would take me more than a crappy video game and a slap on the ass for me 2 get the privilage of fucking U? Even if we knew eachother...hell, even if U like me!

My point is this. Don't read 2 much N2 his part in this. Sure...the waters may look murky, but that may just be because they are shallow. I guarantee U it took a lot more for U 2 fuck him again than it did for him 2 fuck U. And unless U are planning 2 get hurt quit fucking him now. It can go good in only one way...it can go bad in a million different ways. If it's just about getting some dick...well I guess I will just have 2 take one for the team and offer up my services. Don't like me that way? That's ok...I am at the head of a very long line of guys hoping 2 land the position. I'm sure there will be someone who is 2 Ur liking.

One last thing...I got the impression that he has another girlfriend now and Ur little tryst was, in fact him cheating on her. If this is so, there's not a whole hell of a lot U can do. Leopards don't change thier spots and a man who cheats with U damn sure will cheat on U if he gets the opportunity. Matter of fact, U may want 2 re-examine any past situations where U had a feeling or something he said just didn't sit right. He may have been fucking around then. (I'd look right around the time he began pulling away if I were U.) Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know all about the we have a child 2gether and it's a special bond and how that girl is just some fucking bitch who'd better quit trying 2 be Ur son's mom bullshit U have been telling Urself. Let me ask U this...what is he telling her?

or I could be wrong. I hope that I am.

Good luck...I hope I was helpful.

DS

ponme

Nov 27 @ 7:13AM  
The fact that you posted this says to me that you aren't sure this is something you want. I suggest you take a few days and cool off. This is fresh right now so the hormones are still kicking you. Let it cool off and see if it still means anything to you by friday. If it does, don't let it be easy. Take your time and get to know one another all over again. Neither of you is the same person as you were before.

luvanal916

Nov 27 @ 9:47PM  
That is a tough one. Was it just sex or do either of you want it to be more. You two need to talk about it and figure out where your heads are at. Otherwise it was just sex.
xercese

Nov 28 @ 12:15AM  
bottom line is u both have to sit down and do some serous soul searching
you know that you love and you know that he has always loved you
you both were thick headed trying to blame eachother for both your problems
thats were you went wrong in the beginning
so it sounds like that the both of you need to look at the big picture and if you do love eachother then focus on your childs best interest and be together and love one another and raise your son together

sometimes it takes a second chance to see the mistakes that both of you have mad in the past
life is a learning process
even togetherness is even more complex you both just have to stop for a minute
and say to yourselves (hey we've been down this road before and we didnt like it because deep down we're only hurting our child not eachother )

please dont get afended by how forth coming i may be on this subject
but truthfully you dont need a bunch of people on a dating site giving you advice when you already know the answer deep down inside

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