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posted 11/26/2006 3:13:31 PM |
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  LadieDarkStarr

Excerpts from Maybe.

Didn't you want to hear
the sound of all the places we could go
Do you fear
the expressions on the faces we don't know
It's a cold hard road when you wake up
and I don't think that I
Have the strength to let you go

Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
that everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in my eye, and my calm hard face
makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

And someday, I promise I'll be gone
And someday, I might even sing this song
To you, I might even sing this song, to you
and I was crying alone tonight

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Comments:

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DickSlippery

Nov 26 @ 5:13PM  
OK...

I fucking LOVE the title (I am assuming it was Excerpts from Maybe, if that's not the title, but rather a description, then please disregard this entire comment cause that means I'm talking out my ass), but the piece itself needs a little work, me thinks. Not much, but maybe some small tweak 2 the first stanza and the third stanza is where the whole thing turns N2 a trainwreck, as far as I'm concerned. This piece is way 2 good for such an anticlimactic ending, hon. Try 2 remember that that last line is Ur money. That's the line that will resonate with Ur reader/listener long after the piece itself has been almost completely forgotten.

Good job...keep it up!


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