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He's gone

posted 10/4/2008 6:55:17 PM |
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tagged: baseball, death, father

I've been trying to write something down here and there but with all of the people around, in and out, back and forth, phone calls and everything else, I haven't had a chance.

I wanted to sit down and write something out before posting it here, but even that seems like too many steps.

My father passed away in the evening last Tuesday, October 30th. It was only about a month until his 75th birthday. All kinds of things are running through my head about how little I talked to him, though at the same time I would spend months growing up here at the house in Southern California. But later on in life, the times got further and further apart. I didn't send enough birthday cards to him, or enough phone calls to him. I guess the one thing I can take with me is the fact that if I had not been here, he would have died a terrible, painful death alone.

My Dad took care of his parents for a great chunk of his life. It was 6 years after we lost Nana that my Papa had died. Then it was only 2 years after that.

I got here after about 3 months since the last time I saw him. When I did see him back then he was still sorta ok, or at least ok for Dad. We went out to eat and visited some and stayed the night. He was pretty good and even went outside and played with Steven.

When I came down about a week before he passed away, he suddenly lost all his weight, was like a skeleton and was in pain.

My Aunt had been by a lot and was really pushing at him, but when I was there I could tell that it was probably the end for him. I was so shocked and heartbroken to see him like that, but I pushed through and just hung out with him. I knew that if I was to push in anyway he would just shut down on me.

So I got the gift, even if he had a hard time doing it, to hang out with him. To talk about baseball and things going on with me. To just visit and make him feel wanted.

Finally on that Friday he was ready to go into the hospital. He hated the thought but humored me anyway. He was diagnosed with liver cancer and on Saturday transferred to the hospice center where he died 3 days later about 7pm. He went the way he wanted to go and my other brothers were with me at the time. He always said he wanted to go to sleep and not wake up, I'm glad you got your wish Dad.

So here I sit, finally alone in the house the my grandparents had, my father had and no don't know what we will do with it.

I miss him already and everywhere I look I see him.

Goodbye dad.

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Oct 4 @ 7:19PM  
I'm very sorry for your loss.

Oct 4 @ 8:22PM  
I am sorry for your loss...

Oct 4 @ 11:00PM  
I'm so sorry for your loss. I am lucky enough to still have both my parents. I'm an only child, and sometimes wonder if that makes a difference when you lose a parent. I'm sure you'll cherish the good memories and the bad ones will just fade away.

I lost my baby girl in March, no warning, no explainations. She was stillborn. I know the loss isn't the same but I can empathize a little with the pain you must be feeling.

Oct 5 @ 1:11AM  
I am so sorry to read of your loss. Lossing a parent is one of the most difficult periods of our lives.

My parents are both gone and I doubt a day goes by that I don't think of them fondly and smile that I was lucky enough to have them as parents.

My best to you.

Oct 5 @ 2:19AM  
Thank you all for you comments. Its still rough and everything is just as he left it, which was in a hurry - so I'm just looking around and remembering.

Thank you all again.

Oct 5 @ 5:13AM  
Dont say good bye. take him with you.. in your heart!!!

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He's gone