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Retrograde

posted 9/26/2008 4:51:01 AM |
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  Tular

So I have spewed forth my stress, my wacky, warped sense of humor in a way that maybe I don't even recognize - though I can relate to.

Ok should I go jock and move to sports? Angels win against Seattle 2-1 in the series and are playing one game for home field advantage in the AL West playoffs. Hmmm ok so I know a few people that would piss off - mainly in the Los Angeles area that are blue hats. Oh well - your still contenders - can it be a freeway world series this year? Still possible.

I am way beyond stressed. I'm taking care of my ailing father who, at the moment could be classified as walking dead, if it wasn't for the fact he still insists on walking. A shocker to say the least since within the last 3 months his health has declined to the point I could probably use him as Halloween decorations around the house.

Along with that I have to deal with a work force that for somereason seems to think they can't function without me. Now I'm not all that, but c'mon kids, you all mostly grown ups - you can deal with a little extra hours due to my dilemma can't you?

I have sub who is there for me. I can't tell you how much she means to me because I find myself leaning on her so much lately. I have a father who wants to die, and a family who wants him to watch his grandkids grow up. Hell I should be retired before I get into this stuff - what the hell?

I have a need to let go of some of this stress, but only my sub can fulfil this need to let go - only she can be the one that I use to let this energy and stress and worry out on, for she is a true sub.

Amongst all of this aingst - I'm reading, a lot. And she might not like what I'm reading. I came to this D/s side out of a Gorean upbringing you might say, and found this to be the more complex, satisfying lifestyle that fits into mine. But I have reservations I am struggling to get through.

An ex-Gorean, new Dom learning the ropes of this new lifestyle through an experience sub who, when got into the lifestyle had a strict and strong Dom.

Brings me back to a conversation when Vanilla life gets in the way of a D/s lifestyle. Learning to balance the two and the one side of love vs, the real side I am. The fight internally it brings and the validation reading gives to it.

So you see i'm not just a warped sense of humor, I'm a complex, feeling, caregiving Dom trapped in a tightly wound, strong, strict ideal. Hows that for returning to earth?

Its not just my sub thats I am doing the same, but deep down - the real me - I'm letting the out. Careful world, this Dom's coming to get you.

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Sirskitty

Sep 26 @ 1:00PM  
life just beats the hell out of us sometimes doesn't it?
ummm,,, so what ARE you reading?
that high power brain of yours can scare a simple girl sometimes....lol..
especially one that fights to keeps life as simple as possible..
and yes there are some differences between Gor and D/s but they parallel each other.. it is all about Dominance and submission with the difference being submission given as a gift to you rather than "the norm"..
look upon the desire to submit as something precious as i look upon your Dominance love and guidance as the wonderful thing it is and you will never go wrong.
there will always be different views of the lifestyles we all lead..
i just believe we make own own rules in a D/s lifestyle .. it is a simple bottom line..

in caveman terms.. me sub YOU DOM...hahaha

p.s. it might not be so complex if you had a nice docile sub rather than a strong willed, stubborn, bratty one that takes a very strong man to keep in line..
rather than focus on your reservations be proud she knows you are strong enough to rein in someone that tries to conquer mountains on her own ...
*shoving my dodgers hat a little tighter on my head and giving you kitty eyes*

***** DODGERS ROCK ********
blue and red makes purple... wanna give it up and compromise on the rockies?


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Retrograde