AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Free Dating

Anyone For Some Corn Fed Venison?

posted 9/24/2008 11:23:09 PM |
4 kudosgive kudos what's this?
    report abuse
tagged: joke
  swyeter

I ran across this on a site and thought it to comical not to share.
It did not say it was copyrighted where I found it so I don't believe it is but if anyone has seen it before as being copyrighted let me know and I will give proper credit to the originator.

Letter from Kansas cattle rancher-

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn and then eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since they congregated at my cattle feeder in the cold winter months and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, which had seen the rope, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer showed up - 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist, tied it and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the rope situation. I took a step towards it...it took a step back; I put a little tension on the rope and received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. This deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined. The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.

At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to suffer a slow death so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand. Kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in; there and started moving up so I could get my rope back. Did you know that deer bite? I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head - almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it.

While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an animal like a horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a different strategy. I screamed like woman and tried to turn and run.

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

   read more blogs!

Blogs by swyeter:
Eat In? ~ Part 4
Eat In? ~ Part 4
Eat In? ~ Part 3
Eat In? ~ Part 2
Eat In?
ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS
Repost From a Christmas Past
How To Get A Man To Eat Chicken Wings
Who's Better at Financial Planning? Men or Women
Joe the Unlicensed or Undocumented Plumber
Anyone For Some Corn Fed Venison?
David Is Returning To Italy
Too Cute Graphics - Posted For A Friend
Some Men Just Don't Get It
It's About OUR Economy Stupid!
What % Do You Give?
To All Viet Nam Era VETs & Their Family Members
Inexpensive Vasectomy
Must Have Been Someone on AMD
A Woman’s & A Man’s Perception of A Day's Events
~ Who Says Blondes Are Dumb ~
First Kiss
Security Scanners Can See and Reveal Body Details
It Is The Soldier
Soldiers Say Porn Ban May Hurt Morale


Comments:

post a comment!

swyeter

Sep 24 @ 11:23PM  
Corn fed deer, continued.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down. Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding in a few places, though my insulated jacket had protected me from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was the co-op. I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like hell. The guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out yelling "what happened?"

I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit an individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned that they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as criminal. I swear...not wanting to admit that I had done something monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was attacked by a deer". I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on it. The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face where it had struck me there. I asked him to call somebody to come get me. I didn't think I could make it home on my own. He did. Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to know about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing and wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe the attack as completely and accurately as I could. I was filling the grain hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking the hell out of me and BIT me. EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the co-op has a big mouth). For several weeks people dragged their kids in the house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers carried rifles when they filled their feeders. I have told several people the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I have enough troubles without them snickering behind my back and whispering "there's the dumbass that tried to rope the deer."


Sunshine79

Sep 24 @ 11:39PM  
OMG, poor fucking guy!!!
onehornytoad69

Sep 25 @ 12:03AM  

Good story!!! I could picture the whole thing!!! Thx for sharing!!!
casuallylooking

Sep 25 @ 1:10AM  
dumbass!






Oh, not you Swyeter...I meant the guy telling the story... well maybe not the guy telling the story... the guy who roped the deer.....There, does that sound better? lol



I think I'll pass on the venison though...thanks anyways.
casuallylooking

Sep 25 @ 1:11AM  
Okay, seriously you are right, it was funny.. thanks for sharing it.
ynot7769

Sep 25 @ 1:48AM  
manwithoutahorse

Sep 25 @ 3:36AM  
Very funny...and the prmary reason I use a shotgun with all my dealings with deer. A suicidal one once ramed the side of my car. We both lost. He lost his life, I lost my deductible.
1bunny629

Sep 25 @ 8:32AM  
Moral of the story...if you want corn feed deer...give up that idea...shoot it and cook a fabulous dinner of Venison Roast with CORN DRESSING! and save the rope for your equally stupid friend that jumps out of the boat to catch the biggest fish...ya might have to reel him in...he forgot he didn't know how to swim...
beefygoblin

Sep 25 @ 8:56AM  
Umm dear arn't nearly as strong as full sized cattle... this guy just didn't understand the term "wild animal". Also...what kind of pussy gets his ass kicked by a dear?

I know a runner who got attacked by one...but that dear only wanted to lick the salt off his back and neck (he thought it was trying to rape him). Poor kid huh (not hurt though...

Our ancestors hunted these things with sticks, sticks for christ sake. It's not even a strong animal (fast and agile, but not even as strong as a full sized man...well one who works out). There's a reason these things arn't used as beasts of burden...they arn't strong enough.

Do you imagine alchohol was a factor? It better have been...otherwise he's both stupid and a wimp... then again he does live in kansas





max49

Sep 25 @ 9:04AM  
theSkwirl

Sep 25 @ 10:22AM  
Yeah, they aren't at all dangerous...whatever..

free dating | mission statement | testimonials | safety warning | report abuse | safe list | privacy | legal | 2257 | advertise | link to us

© Copyright 2000-2014 Online Singles, LLC.
OS-WEB01
Anyone For Some Corn Fed Venison?