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I want to be an illegal alien too!!

posted 9/20/2008 11:16:32 PM |
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  PinkToeNails

Becoming Illegal
(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin:

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one, and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year, so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college-age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA
Get your Forms (NOW)!!
Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.

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Comments:

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mrknowuwell

Sep 20 @ 11:27PM  
but then u would have 2 work at............TACO BELL
PinkToeNails

Sep 20 @ 11:36PM  
yeah... taco bell for sure..... but basically any other agricultural or construction business..... lol that and county and highway workers around here.... went to the fair last weekend and all the ride operators were.............probably illegal! bite me if you don't like or appreciate that last comment!!

Don't we have a BIG can of Raid around here somewhere!??!?!?
ThePurpleProphet

Sep 20 @ 11:39PM  
Can I still bite you if I do appreciate the above comment?
mrknowuwell

Sep 20 @ 11:40PM  
ju wanna ride dis thin....u purty senorita.........than we kin goes bak 2 mine la trucka ........n u kin cee mi burrito
PinkToeNails

Sep 20 @ 11:44PM  
LOL no!
PinkToeNails

Sep 20 @ 11:47PM  
oh and .... ditto! LOL

you can't speaka da english... you getta no where uh

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I want to be an illegal alien too!!