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Think Before You Speak Ladies.

posted 9/18/2008 4:08:55 PM |
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  sugarnspice005



Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls.'

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY: *you may have read this one before but it is SO FUNNY!*
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training, and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No.' I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident?' This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Always remember.... we all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak!!!!!


Hope you all enjoy it. And if it's a rerun...sorry.

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Comments:

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sugarnspice005

Sep 18 @ 4:13PM  
btw...The last one with the reporter in Michigan...I remember seeing that on the local news here...the anchors were trying their hardest not to laugh their asses off when reporting that.
StraddleMyNose

online now!
Sep 18 @ 4:18PM  
Good ones, Dawn!
williams990

Sep 18 @ 5:10PM  
Ewe_Wish

Sep 18 @ 5:16PM  
Sunshine79

Sep 18 @ 6:10PM  
Loved them all, thanks!!
belle1010

Sep 18 @ 8:27PM  
Roflmao! I had tears running before I finished reading this I was laughing so hard. I'm sure we've all had moments that we wish we could hide under a rock.
LilGriz

Sep 18 @ 9:41PM  
Yep, yep, they were great all right.
soft_touch938

Sep 18 @ 11:22PM  
Uh......I think I resemble a couple of those remarks.....

Thanks for the laughs!
Looking4ever

Sep 18 @ 11:55PM  
I've never been embarrassed by anything I have ever said...


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Think Before You Speak Ladies.