Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob told Lester, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different.
The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go.
Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again.
Last year, you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again."
Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm taking Marie with me." 
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A man wakes up one morning with a huge erection that just won't go away. After a couple of days, he is really concerned, so he puts on the baggiest pair of trousers he can find and heads for the drug store. He enters the store and goes to the pharmaceutical section.
The lady there asks if she might help him.
He asks to see a male pharmacist. The woman tells him that there is no male pharmacist.
The man starts to leave. The woman says, "Wait a minute, sir, I am a registered pharmacist, as is my sister, and we own the store. We are very professional and discreet and accustomed to personal problems of all kinds."
The guy is desperate. He edges up to the counter, unzips his trousers, and gets out his rather stiff member. He then says, "What can you give me for this?"
The woman says, "How long has it been that way?"
The man responds, "Almost three days."
The woman says, "I will have to consult with my sister, and I'll be right back. She leaves and returns in a few minutes.
The man asks, "What did you decide?"
She says, "The best we can do right now is $5,000 and a half interest in the drug store." 
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A drunk says to the bartender, "I want a woman!" So, the bartender gives him directions to the local brothel. The customer was so drunk, he misreads the directions and accidentally goes into the office of a foot doctor. The receptionist at the counter asks, "Can I help you?" "Yes, I want some service," states the drunk. She sends him to one of the examination rooms and tells him to put it on the table. The drunk goes in and places his manhood on the exam table. When the doctor comes in, the startled podiatrist sees the man's member on the table and she says, "That's not a foot!" The drunk replies, "Give it time, lady, give it time."
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What's the difference between a wife, a nymphomaniac, and a hooker?
The nympho says, "You're done already?"
The hooker says, "Are you done yet?"
And the wife says, "Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige.
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A drunk walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar, and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three tough-looking bikers sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, looks the biggest, meanest biker in the face, and says, "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck-naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and always gets into fights at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get upset, but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans over one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!" At this point, the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes and says, "Grandpa, go home, you're drunk!"
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