OK, hot dogs and apple pie have nothing to do with this blog. I just added them to the title because it sounded better than just “Baseball and Porn.” It’s called literary license and mine hasn’t been revoked… yet!
Sooo, what do baseball and porn have in common? Lots of things that I won’t mention here. Otherwise, I would end up writing a novel, not a blog.
I like both, but I find watching either of them frustrating. Huh, you say? Let me explain.
To some degree, I’ve done, and want to do, whatever it is I’m watching. Not to the same degree of excellence as those I’m watching, but I’ve been there.
I played baseball for 6 years and loved every second of it, even my last year when my role on the team was to check the bench for splinters. I couldn’t hit a curve ball to save my left nut, but I could read pitches and usually generate a walk. Yeah, I was a modern version of Eddie Gaedel, Wikipedia Entry only tall and skinny. So, the coach would put me in when he really needed someone on base.
I won’t watch baseball on TV, but I will watch a game live. I can handle it since there are other distractions at the park. Like, the guy walking around shouting “ICE COLD BEEEEEAH!” Were you expecting me to admit to using binoculars to check out the ladies? Nah, I would never, EVER do that! 
These days, I lean towards softball and waffle ball. Still can’t hit a curve ball, DAMMIT!
I’ll watch football, basketball (both college) and racing on TV without said frustration as I never had the athletic ability. OK, I could have been a second string wide receiver in HS, which gives you an idea how bad our team was. Play basketball? How many guys have a vertical leap shorter than the length of their cock? And no, my dick ain’t that big!
Racing is out as I would end up blowing chunks after 10 minutes of pulling 2-3 Gs. Not something one wants to do in a full face helmet. Although, I wouldn’t mind running a few laps with Lyn St. James Wikipedia Entry or Danica.
Even in my physical prime, I couldn’t engage in the sexual gymnastics one usually sees in porn. Sometimes I have to tilt my head sideways to get a better idea of what’s going on? Maybe I could, had I accepted the invitation to join the gymnastics team in HS, but nah! Given that I’ve got a bum knee and a goobered shoulder, I can still do most things, but my body makes noises that are sometimes confused with the sound of a creaky bed, even though there’s no bed nearby. I exaggerate, but you get the idea.
Pound a girl with fake boobs for hours on end in front of a film crew? I‘d be willing to try. But, the farmer’s tan it’s taken me years to perfect would drive the lighting guy nuts! Having a personal fluffer sounds intriguing, though.
Seriously, though, if I ever did try to make a porno, it would be more comparable to something the Three Stooges would produce: short and slapsticky. OK, that was not so serious of an observation.
I’ve said my piece. I’m curious, though, what is it y’all find frustrating to watch?
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