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The Sum of Who We Are...

posted 8/25/2008 5:45:08 PM |
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tagged: past, life, thoughts

I firmly believe we are a product of our past. Our present lives paint a picture of the collective yesterdays that we’ve occupied within this lifetime. Our experiences and memories accumulate, helping in the process of shaping us into the people that we have become, and the removal of just one piece of the puzzle, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem, has the potential to alter the sum of our being. One step made in a different direction, or a mind wrapped around another decision, and the absolute destination of a wandering soul is forever changed.

Looking back through the days of my past, I am reminded of various morsels of time that have played a huge role in influencing the individual I see staring back at me when I look in the mirror. The divorce of my parents, the births of my children, my own marriage and divorce, my decision to move to a different state to be with the man I love, and the choice to return to school in order to earn a college degree (just to name a few) have all contributed extensively to my current standing on life’s path. I am quite uncertain of exactly who I will be by the time I reach my end here on Earth, but I’ll always be well aware of who I am in any given moment and how I arrived at that point in my existence.

What about each of you? What are some defining moments in your past that have helped to mold you into the person you are today?

I greatly appreciate any and all responses. ~Smiles~


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Aug 25 @ 5:55PM  
Being molested as a child, it hasn't broken me.. though sometimes it stings, my 8th grade english teacher.. yeah he rawked, the bad and good decisions I've made in my life, the birth of three lovely daughters and some other history I'm not comfy sharing with everyone.

Aug 25 @ 6:03PM  
Life is pretty simple......
It's the choices we make that complicates the hell out of it

Aug 25 @ 6:10PM  
Interesting. It may very well be that we are products of our futures as well, but the future is too often not in my sights... Anyway, everything from my past just seemed to make sense just a few months ago. ...but now getting back on the subject... wow, I'm a pretty open person, but I think I'm going to shut up for now. ...A kudo to you.

Aug 25 @ 6:31PM  
I've made lost of mistakes that I'm glad I made, for today I know better!!

Aug 25 @ 7:50PM  
My parents divorce and then re-marriage to each other. Being touched inappropriately by a family member when I was 13. Going to college when I wasn't even sure what I wanted to be when I grew up. Dropping out and waiting til I was ready to go. Being a nurse. Being an addict. Giving up my career for the sake of my health and sanity. My marriage and divorce. Getting to help raise 3 step children that I still claim today. Losing my baby when I didn't think I would be able to get pregnant and have a child. Those are just a few of the many things that make me who I am today. Hopefullly I have learned something from the mistakes and have appreciated the good. This was a very thought-provoking blog, thank you for bringing this up.

Aug 25 @ 11:56PM  
I would say that the defining moments of my life and the direction it is now taking can be attributed to learning what love really is. For many years I only had a clear indication of what it is NOT. It is not just sex. It is not conditional based on what I do or do not do for someone else. It is not a business agreement. It is not based on what I can get out of the deal.

It is holding a completely innocent and helpless child in my arms for the first time after carrying this child for 9 months. It is getting up in the middle of the night to check under the bed to rescue Mr. Bear because he had fallen out of bed. It is making the time to listen to the newest verse in a song that has been being composed for hours. It is a smile that reaches the eyes and touches the soul. It is keeping my promises because they matter to me and those I make those promises to. It is a decision to just do the things in front of me even when I don't have any energy. It is allowing myself to turn around and around in the rain until I'm dizzy and laughing. It is falling down in a pile of leaves only to become the bottom of the dog pile. It is telling someone "no," even though it's going to break their heart because if I say "yes," then it could change their life in a not so good way. It is knowing when to choose my battles....and admitting my wrongs when I make the wrong choice. It is finally giving myself to one or two very special people in my life to allow them to love me as only they can and trusting them to treasure me as I treasure them.

There have been two very defining moments in my life that has shaped the path I am now on. The first one was when my oldest was 18 months old and had irritated me by just being a toddler. I found myself so angry it scared me. I yelled. She looked at me with fear in her eyes. That terrified me. It was at that moment then and there that I decided that I was getting rid of my past demons. I did. The next moment was when I realized the meaning of the phrase, "Love is a decision."

I would also have to add something to people and situations shaping who I am today. If it were not for my desire to improve my life, inside and out, and my willingness to learn from my mistakes (or other people's), then I would just be coasting through life. Instead, I choose to LOOK for where I can learn, where I can help, where I can give and because of that I can look back and see how these things have influenced the choices I make today. I know much more about who I am, what I believe, what I am willing to bend on, and what I would like to leave as my legacy today than I did just a few years ago.


Aug 26 @ 1:57AM  
1. The way I was born.

I'm a pre-mature, breech-birth baby. For all intensive purposes, it means I was 4 months early (which explains why I'm so often mis-understood and I'm beyond my years), and I came into this world, butt first (heh, if you ask me, I liken it to entering the world saying "kiss this", cause you won't rule me)

2. My Dads' last words.

Christmas morning. My first bike. He an my mom argued, while they helped me put it together. After we finished, I fell and fell and fell. scraped knees, scraped elbows, tears everywhere (I say it that way for a reason). My brother got on and zoomed down the street no prob. Didn't make me feel too good. His last words ?

"I promise. I'll head right to the P.X (it was a huge shopping mall we lived next to) and buy you the biggest brightest bike. Me and you'll put it together, and from sun up to sun-down, I'll make sure you know how to ride a bike."

That was the last time I heard from, or saw, my father. He walked out on us.

3. The first time I was abused

I'm not going to expound on it, because It's 13 years (yeah, count them, 13) I can't get back. The very first time I was abused I feared for my life. I was beat up, When that didn't suffice, I had insults (not like stupid-face, or cooty-brain........ I'm talking about stuff like "I hate the fact that you were born", and "you were a mistake", and "if you tell, I'll bloody your face.")

4. The first time I recognized I have an unreal strentgh

Business as usual. Cousin and brother making fun of me. tearing me to shreds. She said something to the effect of "you skrawny bastard" and it infuriated me. She slapped me as I got red-mad, and sat on me so I couldn't fight her (she was a BIG girl) somehow her laughing just made me so mad, that I lifted her off of me and over the bed (I'm 90 some odd pounds, and she's 120-130 easy and she was hoisted over the bed.)

They both were so scared of what had happened, when the adults came in (picture the boom of the aftermath if you will) they both were wiping my tears and laughing saying "Mell was showing us a wrestling move"
Hell yeah I was.

Very few people know of that strentgh in the negative. I intend to keep it that way.

5. Mr. John Hackford

My 8th grade English teacher. He was one of the very few people to sit me down and compell me to delve deeper. Not everyone was meant to see you as a special person, but people like you are rare. The world-changing type.

(his words, not mine)

There are more, but I'm no blog-jacker lol. Hope I've contributed in the right way.


Aug 26 @ 8:48AM  
The day not too long ago when I could finally wrap my brain around the fact that I could live quite peaceably without a man in my life. Letting go of that life long ingrained idea that I am not whole without a man to make me complete.

Knowing this gave me a heady feeling of freedom unlike any I've ever experienced in my 63 years. Knowing my self worth and self esteem can no longer be affected by any man. Knowing that fear will never again make me "settle for" just to not be alone.

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The Sum of Who We Are...