Yeah. I'm bored. Thought the title might attract a bit of attention and get some hearts beating. What a let down eh? Welcome to contact on AMD. As I tool around checking this site, I keep coming back to the same emails in my in box. Now I'm not saying I'm the best writer in the world, but really people, much of the contact on here leaves a great deal to be desired. Some of the emails make me laugh, while others make me cringe. Or, if it's really bad...clench my thighs together.
I won't even waste my breath talking about the necessity to read a persons profile before contacting them. I realize that this is an adult sex site and instant gratification is the rule of the day. But don't you think that anything you want is worth a small amount of effort? The one word emails I think just might be the most hilarious.
"Cum"
"Lick"
"Suck"
"Hot"
"Hi"
"Masturbate" (OR musterbate...muterbate...materbate, or any other version of the word)
The singles phrases are even better at times. They read like titles on porno flicks.
"Hot red swollen dick"
"Pussy Slamming"
"Buckets 'O Cum" (love that one)
Wet For U (Isn't that supposed to be MY line?)
Or, how about when they attempt to turn you on...
"I want scratch your G-spot" (WTF?!?!OWWWWWIE!)
"Can I bite your Clit? (Nooooooo. My name is LickMyClit for a reason people)
"Wanna suck my cock?" (Wouldn't I have contacted HIM if I wanted to do that?)
Or, the men that think they have figured me out....
I have decided the literature that gets you off when your horny is porn. The literature that makes you so horny that you have to get off is erotica.
Whaaaat?  
Now really boys, when a woman's profile says that she HAS a man and she is only here to write....more than likely she is telling the truth. And just because I am here to write and perhaps even find a few others who I consider to have some serious talent, this does not mean that I am writing about YOU. Nor does it mean that I want men to send me all of their erotica for me to read. (although there have been a few talented writers who have sent me their stuff!)
I am well aware that my writing isn't to everyone's taste, so I wouldn't think to send it to them by private email uninvited. What in the world makes some people send you 3-4 emails enclosing their tomes of words to you? I don't have TIME to drag myself through all that stuff, I'm busy WRITING.
Two men are always welcome to send me their stuff My boy friend (also a writer) and one special (who shall remain nameless) man who writes knock down drag out non-fiction. Both give me something to sink my teeth into, and with their stuff and my writing, I just don't have time for more. I just don't. Or at least the right kind of energy.
But when I get bored, there has just got to be a place to go to entertain myself. I have already done the Chinese age test like 20 times. (I am 21 years old today it says. And THAT friends and neighbors puts me back in virgin status!!!) I actually went and filled out my profile properly. Told people all sorts of stuff about me that I would not ever normally let out in the open. In the end, I lasted about 10 minutes and switched it all back. My job and home life stay private.
So now in a last ditch effort to entertain myself, I will construct some obscene and obnoxious emails to send out. I will be certain to have lousy sentence structure, horrible syntax and I will make sure it is obvious I can't spel. (yes, I did that on purpose) And if I'm feeling really adventurous, I will attempt to "text type' and entire email. You know the ones.
i wunt U BBy
My Gawd, someone save me from myself....
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
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read more blogs!
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tailchaser
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Aug 20 @ 4:17PM
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So now in a last ditch effort to entertain myself, I will construct some obscene and obnoxious emails to send out. I will be certain to have lousy sentence structure, horrible syntax and I will make sure it is obvious I can't spel. (yes, I did that on purpose) And if I'm feeling really adventurous, I will attempt to "text type' and entire email. You know the ones.
OMG I can hardly wait for them; rest assured that they will be archived to my hard drive forever, (pun intended )
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mrknowuwell
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Aug 20 @ 4:17PM
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good gawd woman......u reveal my most intimate emails 2 u for all the world 2 see...........and i am still learnin how 2 spall.....so cut me sum slack.....kindergarden was a rough 3 yrs for me 
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LickMyClit
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Aug 20 @ 4:19PM
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Hey....If I could get away with posting some of the actual emails I have received...you'd be laughing your asses off!
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tailchaser
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Aug 20 @ 4:23PM
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The only ones that are allowed to break those rules are some of the more "popular" members; it seems that the rules are meant for us not them
Some of them straddle the fence on this issue.
Jeremy
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mrknowuwell
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Aug 20 @ 4:24PM
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when u post em.....take my name off......protect the guilty ....... 
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tailchaser
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Aug 20 @ 4:35PM
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Hi, the other day I went to the store to buy some Red Hots; they are my favorite candy to suck on, I don't bite down on them. I just slowly suck them untill the last flavor of it disappears down my throat. Later that day I had forgotten that I left a few the Red Hots in my pants pocket, they melted and soon I felt a burning sensation as my dick became swollen because of this
Just send the pulitzer to Colorado.
Jeremy
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manwithoutahorse
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Aug 20 @ 4:36PM
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Please send me copies so I can forward them to all the sweet girls in Africa/Russia/(your country of choice) looking for rich, sweet American husbands. They need new material.
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theSkwirl
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Aug 20 @ 4:42PM
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*shoves a popular member up someone's arse*
*looks innocent*
right.. yeah I love the emails that say stuff like.. want to watch me jackoff on cam er.. is that a question or a demand?
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theSkwirl
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Aug 20 @ 4:49PM
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oh crap.. forgot disclaimer..
*****sarcasm OFF******
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LickMyClit
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Aug 20 @ 5:10PM
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My most recent...
do you hav a cam, want tu jak off for u
Gawd. I'm off to look for more beefaroni in the cupboard to sooth myself with.
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Hevn84
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Aug 20 @ 5:29PM
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"I want scratch your G-spot" (WTF?!?!OWWWWWIE!)
You got that Bogus 8 one too? I wonder if he wants to pick our boogers too? 
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Sunshine79
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Aug 20 @ 5:39PM
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"Hot red swollen dick"
Man.....all I got stuck in my head is a male dog runnin' around with......EWW!!!
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LickMyClit
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Aug 20 @ 5:44PM
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"I want scratch your G-spot" (WTF?!?!OWWWWWIE!)
You got that Bogus 8 one too? I wonder if he wants to pick our boogers too?
That's HIM! That's the dude!
Man.....all I got stuck in my head is a male dog runnin' around with......EWW!!!
Thank you. Thank you for sharing your visual. Brrrrrr.
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funnywhapper
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Aug 20 @ 6:07PM
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try the murder mystery genre. case of the cool cat. case of kasimoff, kaminsky
and korsakoff. the kkk, attorneys for poor white trash. case of the kracked kracker. spy fiction is fun to write too, all based on real life. or be an
investigative reporter. find out what really happened to jfk, marilyn monroe
and jean harlow. that's fun to do too. go undercover in the underworld
to get the story. go undercover as a secret service agent to blow the whistle
on them too. all kinds of dangerous and exciting things to do as a writer.
blow the whistle on capitalist weapons manufacturers. hey balent, how many
atomic weapons systems did you sell this year? sorry, sir, sales are down.
now let's get that sales volume up balent. i'll get the agitators to stir up
some more wars between countries and nations, thus creating a need for
more atomic weapons and your sales will boom. i know your dilemmas balent,
all those rival atomic weapons firms, secret service agents out to block
your sales, but let's get it on balent and boost our sales, the factory workers
are counting on you and so are the investors. right away sir, i'm pedaling
as fast i can. i'll do my best sir. i've got some buyers on the line right now.
i hope its not a set up by the f.b.i.
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funnywhapper
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Aug 20 @ 7:09PM
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okay, you're busted, you're ellen degeneres, or her double or stand in or understudy. the magic trick is not up your sleeve anymore. i thought the
one ellen that i saw, veronica campo, white russian spy and mata hari
was a real fan of your show, i only saw one issue or episode, where she
owned the bookstore, and she took off one night on an episode in her
parents car, while blasting on the radio or tape deck, 'born to be wild'. kind
of a parody on her sixties parents. so that was long ago. we're worried about
weapon z, and generation z nowadays, great grandma and i. bogus bios.
so you say your lesbian, big deal who cares. the isle of lesbos is famous
in greek mythology. what worries us now, is geek mythology. the pocket
protector types, so involved in their 'verk', they go mildly mad. or major
mad. with their m.b.a. obermeisters its getting scarier. and then there
is the 'atlas expedition'. go read atlas of the universe by sir philip moore,
and j. gott III's physical possibilities of time travel einsteins universe published
2001. phds. he has plenty. there are people today who are ten times
smarter than einstein ever could be. jeff ziff at portola junior high school
in 1962, was designing rocket and satellite systems for north american
rockwell. mysto dude. i was trying to draw a beachhouse, with the old'
ruler and vellum paper. and all the old templates. its all computerized now.
no blueprints. its whole new ballgame. the operation grand slam has happened,
and the bulletin of atomic scientists say its 2 am and the bars have closed.
it might be a good idea to bring back prohibition. a.l.a. the alcoholic liberation
army is in every city, ready to destroy liquor lovers. lounge lizards are waiting
to pounce on your old lady. take care. good luck. macmuckrakers.
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lunanegra
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Aug 20 @ 8:08PM
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"Hot red swollen dick"
So much I could reply with concerning that one...
I'll tell you one thing,if you want comedy gold,look no further than your email inbox on AMD,that's for sure.
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sccardsfan
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Aug 20 @ 8:25PM
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Every guy thinks they can change your mind and meet you in the afternoon for mind blowing sex. That is the way we think.
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LickMyClit
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Aug 20 @ 10:33PM
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okay, you're busted, you're ellen degeneres
Well crap. I'd rather have my G-spot scratched. 
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mrknowuwell
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Aug 21 @ 4:28AM
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^^^^ is that with or without the rubber glove 
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Thenewguy2957
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Aug 21 @ 11:48AM
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my postrate has yearning of you touch for our enjoying to each other.
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rustytrmbone29
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Aug 23 @ 8:48AM
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^^^^ WTF?
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