Ok, if you have read my blogs, you know that i have cancer...it can be devastating to a single woman in hopes of meeting someone...between the procedures, being sick, loss of hair and potential loss of female body parts, it makes it hard for a woman to feel like a woman, to feel sexy...i feel as if my sex and dating life is over...
men, be honest...how do you feel about someone going through all this? could you actually go out with/have sex with someone with an infusion port in her chest, who is undergoing chemo? wouldnt you be afraid to hurt her??
wouldnt you be turned off by a bald woman? a sick woman? wouldnt you just run??
i am strong, and plan on fighting this, but i am also human...with fear and weakness and need...
it seems if and when i chat with men online, they disappear if i tell them my circumstances...its not that i blame them, i know its not very desirable....
i was seeing a guy for brief time, and he has disappeared...again, not that i blame him....
can you share thoughts, fears, on this?? should i just give up and resign myself to no dating/sex until i am well? should i tell men upfront to give them a chance to run, or should i pretend nothing is wrong?
I need mens' perspectives on this...oh, and please, dont tell me its whats inside that counts, i find that hard to really believe, cause i dont find anyone who follows through on that perspective...
thoughts, ideas, suggestions, etc are appreciated...
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| The truth, please, from men... |
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clickedanad2
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Aug 9 @ 4:55PM
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don't quit - you wouldn't anyway
the ones that run aren't keepers
I've learned that
stay positive and strong
focus on you - on healing
forget about those that shy away - run - hide
they aren't worth knowing
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whisperingcomet
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Aug 9 @ 4:56PM
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Hi Girly...nice to see you blogging again...yeah yeah, I know I'm not a man, but I have been blown off by lots of them.... 
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clickedanad2
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Aug 9 @ 5:02PM
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you asked a question - sorry, I didn't really answer
should you tell them upfront
I'm kind of in an odd place with my son and his mother
I always bring that up - if they don't run
then I take the time to learn the person
very few run - just haven't met anyone with that
I dunno - look - feel - ya know?
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onehornytoad69
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Aug 9 @ 5:04PM
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Lady.. You just dont have a Clue!!
Sure there are guys out there that want what they can get, from a woman.. healthy or sick! You know the type...!
But, look for the Guys that are real..the ones that seek a True Woman!! All of the rest will work its self out!
With you condition.. say U have Surgery..and they fix the problem, the Only way a man can please you is.. You have to please yourself... be happy with yourself!
No matter what happens!!
You have gotta understand, Most of the pleasure a man can bring isfrom "yourself!!"
whats the old saying... if Momma isnt Happy Noone is Happy!!
Gotta be Happy with Ones self before anyone else can Please you!
My 2 cents... and Dont forget Someone thinks u are Beautiful No matter what!  I wish I could give ya a Big ole Hug!!! God Bless!
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NightOfOld
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Aug 9 @ 5:17PM
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Sweetheart; I would not only date you and have sex if you so desired ? I would even marry you and stand beside you every foot of the way. I would cherish every moment spent with you. You are a Very Beautiful and sexy woman no matter what. And your Beauty is not just in your face,... but in your heart. Run, NEVER.
I'd hold and kiss you every moment we were together. It's not what your missing or a bald head do to Kemo,..it's the truly sweet woman you are.
Am I different ? I don't know. But those are my thoughts on the matter. And I'd
take you in a heart beat. 
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NEOhioGent
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Aug 9 @ 5:19PM
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I feel that it is what is inside that really matters. When two people are in love, such physical things are not important. If a man can't love you because you are missing a breast, he obviously does not love you. Port or no port... scalp hair or no scalp hair... if I was in love with you - I would still make tender, passionate love to you.
That being said... most men on this site are NOT looking for love. They just want to have fun, get dressed and leave you. What you need is a tender, loving, caring man with a big heart - not a stud with big schlong. When you find a man who loves you - the "you" inside - then you will make love with true feelings of passion, love and desire. And you will feel whole and sexy - with or without hair or breasts.
I hope and pray you have a full recovery. 
Mark
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paulywalnuts
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Aug 9 @ 5:35PM
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 (If it comes to that).......Bald is really SEXY
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aftershox
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Aug 9 @ 5:39PM
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Hi
Are there any guys out there with prostate cancer? That affects body parts and sexual self image just the same.
I had just met a wonderful guy last October,,he suddenly went silent because he was going in for a biopsy after his annual check up. Fortunately his PSA came out low and he won;t need surgery for a while. I keep telling him that that sex can do nothing but send feel-good healing energy to the right places. He really appreciates that I didn't run.
I admire you for bringing up this topic in this way. Many people are still very uncomfortable with breast cancer but the stigma is starting to fall away. Talking about it helps everyone.
Feeling sexy has nothing to do with the number of boobs you have or the size/stiffness of a cock. Still stiff dicks, big firm tits and legs and asses are a big part of the sexual experience. Amputees probably have a major hurdle to overcome as well.
I am guessing you are gonna have to come up with some sexy "Joan of Arc" camisoles, and come up with some off-beat humor to deal with things. Get creative. Laugh. Love your self. Watch porn.
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chris801
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Aug 9 @ 6:13PM
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getting to know a woman,and having "fun" with her,if she has medical issues is not a problem for me,as long as she is comfortable in what we are doing,everyone has some type of issue,,wether it be medical,mental,spiritual,physical,its the one's with mental issues that make me scared and run away!!
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ynot7769
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Aug 9 @ 6:18PM
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you know me so you know honest is my ONLY way.....I talked to da' mrs bout this .....to the BEST OF MY ABILITY......i gotta say honesty like you speak of wouldn't have changed what took place between her and i and as far as i can tell she'd still be here if i had ANYTHING to say or do bout it.....i knew very early on i HAD to meet this amazing woman..... now....between her genetics and my lungs among some other health issues ...the odds of me out living her or even CLOSE are slim and NONE ... BUT she's STILL HERE.....still loves me...and i can't even imagine not having her here no matter what.....now as she pointed out....i DIDNT know what you speak of when we first talked so i'm doing the best i can.....i think honest is the only way.....timing might be delicate....as in someone who doesn't read blogs ...i don't think i'd lead off with an email...''hi i liked your profile....i have cancer ..wanna date?" but i think somewhere early some of it must be revealed.....how much how soon is what i sit n ponder as i type....i may hafta think bout this a bit more and come back n finish.... 
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alforone
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Aug 9 @ 6:34PM
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Well, Blonde, I'm new here, but have been reading your blogs, so I think I can give you an honest answer. I don't think you should be shouting out what you're going through, because that would probably scare anybody new away, but don't try to hide it either. From what I've read you seem like a pretty strong woman, with very much to offer. You may not be at your best right now, but if the guy gets to know you, I think he won't be scared off. I like what I've seen and heard from you, and would I run away..I don't think so. It would be a consideration, but there are many others. Right now, your condition is all you can see and deal with, and that's what you need to do, but remember, your breasts are not all of you, and they are not the most important thing either, and a good man will see all of the other things. So, I guess my answer is don't flaunt it, but don't hide it either. Your condition is one negative, but I see many more positives, and I think other men will too. Your first photo says "look into my eyes" I did, and I see much much more that a pair of breasts and a difficult time. I see a beautiful woman who has a lot to give and a lot to get. So keep up and keep those beautiful eyes shining, and if you need someone to talk to, email me.
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Premeir
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Aug 9 @ 6:40PM
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Bieng a perfusion tech and now a nurse I can understand your situation more than many people not in the medical field. You do have feelings, desires and needs. And yes I would have a relationship and or sex with someone with cancer mediport and all. If one cannot get by that small thing then they are being close minded to the person themselves. Even people who are ill have needs and desires for affection, sensuality and orgasm who could deny them that? Not I.
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Pornosaurus
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Aug 9 @ 6:42PM
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I don't know what an infusion port is, but I'd have sex with you or another woman going through it. If you still feel you want sex, then you're still as sexy as ever
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Ewe_Wish
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Aug 9 @ 7:26PM
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Db.......yea i know I am not a man..........but as usual i have something to say....I can understand why men would tend to shy off at first if they just met you and knew you had cancer......Im not sure anyone can blame them including you....but in the time I have gotten to know you.......and its been quite a while........I know that you are strong, loving, caring, intelligent, and beautiful....inside and out......and the other thing i know about you is this cancer is like a scratch to anyone else........you will come thru this with flying colors and a clean bill of health......and those guys that shyed away from you........well it will be there loss...cause someone who has a lot of brains is going to come along and grab you up and love you forever.......and he will know that he is the luckiest man in the world..........and while those guys that shyed from you are still sitting there scratching there head or whatever else they have to scratch......still looking for miss perfect......that has never existed.........you will be with someone you know truly loves you. Dont you ever believe any differently...........cause DB......you are a wonderful lady...........and anyone who dont recognize it........is an idiot in my opinion.
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theSkwirl
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Aug 9 @ 7:49PM
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You are strong, determined and gorgeous from the inside out m'dear. I'm not a guy.. but in a pinch.. I'd do ya.
See.. those who shy away may be afraid that they would start caring and lose you too soon. Pfft I know better... you gonna get all mo bettah and start kickin ass and takin names any day now.
Wish I could help ya out with a guy who could hold on tight during this tough time to find out how incredible a human being you are.
Always remember GPT is on your side.. and with that and some meds.. you got it made baybeeeeee.
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CAPTNORM
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Aug 9 @ 7:52PM
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Honey, all men are different. Some will pass a woman by looking for the one with the right color hair. Enough men on here, by their comments, would love to hold you and be in your life as a freind or lover or whatever, including me. You are safe in our arms.
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Sunshine79
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Aug 9 @ 8:09PM
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I don't think most men would do it. 90% say they wouldn't mind, but I think they are lying. I don't think they are really know what they are getting themselves into and I think it would be too much for them to handle and they would run. I just don't see a man being as strong as a woman thru all this. Now mind you I said 90%.....I know there is a small 10% that wouldn't mind, that would have sympathy and be by your side the whole way thru.
IMHO
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onehornytoad69
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Aug 9 @ 8:19PM
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.....I know there is a small 10% that wouldn't mind, that would have sympathy and be by your side the whole way thru.
Amen!!!
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ThePurpleProphet
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Aug 9 @ 8:22PM
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I can almost understand what you are going through. There is not a woman on this planet that would want to stay with me upon finding out about my medical problems. Unless out of pity.
Now for honest answers to your questions.
[/quote] could you actually go out with/have sex with someone with an infusion port in her chest, who is undergoing chemo?
I weigh 250 lbs so I would be a little nervous. I also know a little bit about it so in the long run I "think" I would be okay.
wouldnt you be turned off by a bald woman? a sick woman? wouldnt you just run??[QUOTE]
To me it would be a turn off unless of course I was in love. If I weren't in love and trying to develop a relationship I would suggest a wig.
You are definitly stronger than I am, I gave up a long time ago.
I beleive I could begin a relationship with someone in your situation, but since I've never tried I couldn't say for sure.
Just me being honest. You are still in my prayers.
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Wordsofwit
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Aug 9 @ 9:31PM
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If you read my blogs, you know this hits home. Being there for someone that you care about is totally different from becoming involved with someone fighting your fight. Dedication to one you love is far different from getting involved with somebody facing your fight. It is agonizing and lonely. It is the most difficult on going thing I have ever had to do. Sex with her, despite the erotic memories, is the farthest thing from my my mind. If she asked, I doubt I could deliver. I cannot create that many degrees of separation. Best response with honesty I can deliver to you.
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manwithoutahorse
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Aug 10 @ 12:02AM
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Go out? Yes. Turned off? Absolutely not. Have sex? Not sure. Depends how long I've known her and how much I want her physically. The physical and the emotional are two seperate issues. Some guys can seperate the two, others can't. I hope ti think I would be able to.
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Detach
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Aug 10 @ 12:05AM
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I might stay with a bald woman for the kink factor, but I couldn't stay with a permanantly bald woman. I mean it is unattractive overall, but I assume the hairlessness pertains to the entire body- which is rather kinky.
Yes I would be afraid that I would hurt her. I would be less sexual around her and just be passionate/intimate.
I don't know if the above mentioned traits make me a bad person or a good one, but I'm not much of a boob man anyway. So I could easily stay with a woman if she had to lose her boobs due to cancer. Does that make me an enabler?
Sorry for your diagnosis and I hope you are able to pull through.
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BigFlirt
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Aug 10 @ 2:02AM
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I believe if they are really into you they will be there for you and even make love to you.
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tassie1
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Aug 10 @ 5:22AM
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well hun, I read what you asked...
and i didn't even read everyone else's comments like I usually do,but here goes.
my advice is to be upfront and open about it,sure you will still get the curious ones who may start off ok and disappear,but the genuine ones who are interested in you will stick around no matter how hard things get.
yes some guys will be scared they will accidently hurt you,even if their tough exteriors won't let them admit it.
will it limit some of the things you were used to ,un-fortunately the honest answer is yeah,hun..it will,some of those really wicked kinky pozziies will just have to wait a while,and you will tire easily,which will suck too when your mind wants your body to keep going.
will you get frustrated ,hell yeah. but if your partner is genuine when they find you,it won't matter one lil bit.they will deal with it in an understanding way.
how do I know all this ? my wife got diagnosed with kidney cancer four years ago,lost a kidney and a rib to get it out. the doctors told her in a month or so she would bounce back good as new ,they are full of bullsh*t ,but she still manages.
I wish you all the best sweetheart ,you will have your moments when things get you down, but just try and think positive and hopefully everything will work out well for you too. 
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scotsavant
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Aug 10 @ 9:56AM
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IF he's a real man, it won't make one bit of difference. If he ISN'T, you'll be better off not even knowing him.
You're beautiful to me, though I have never seen you, and you'll stay that way no matter what happens.
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flavorbuster
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Aug 10 @ 1:10PM
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There is a 50-50% chance if one would continue in this situation because most people serious about a relationship are looking to start a family w/kids & having a long term marriage commitment & would hate to lose someone they just fell in love with .... now if they allready developed feelings & had a pre-existing relationship w/one & was aware of the circumstances it would be down right cruel & shameful for them to avoid commitment... My girlfriend is a diabetic w/multiple schlerosis & fighting the use of body movement everyday & I speak for myself that I,ll be w/her every step of the way... I know you want concrete answers which is very tough to give because it would be unfair to label how any one person would respond due to different maturity levels of people .. I,ve experienced cancer w/ a family member so I know what you are battling against & in closing you should never feel the need to give up  I have faith you will kick this problem right up the devils ass..... best wishes
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Looking4ever
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Aug 10 @ 1:59PM
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For a little while, I was seeing a guy that had a lot of health problems. It wasn't that he was undesirable or that the health problems were a turn off but more that I didn't see myself caring enough for him to deal with his issues. My ex husband had several major health issues when we met. But, I care enough from the get go that I knew that those things were just part of our relationship and I had no intention of not getting to know him because of them. To me, it boils down to it doesn't matter what health problems (financial, family, etc.) a person is going through. If I am attracted to the person (not necessarily the physical) then those things won't keep me from getting close. That being said, yeah, when someone doesn't tell you, you have to let your mind fill in the blanks why and most of us go or the most negative reasons we can think of as to why someone isn't attracted.
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StraddleMyNose
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Aug 10 @ 9:18PM
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I would still find her hot, and I wouldn't mind her fucking me real hard to get all that stress out! 
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notacheapwhore_Y
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Oct 29 @ 4:52AM
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Id have sex with you every day.. even when you lost all your hair.. half a breast.. leg.. do you like oral??..*grin* since you are gonna throw up anyways from the chemo... having cancer, and losing body parts, being exhausted, etc.. doesnt make you any less of a desirable woman for me...
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