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posted 11/21/2006 10:04:24 AM |
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There has been discussion in various blogs, forum threads and even within profiles themselves about certain standards entered in profiles of AMD. A lot of the debate has centered on bisexuals (usually women) only looking for women or members who cut out all the small talk and just ask for sex with only the physical connection in mind. While I have my views on those, I want to express my viewpoint on one of the biggest phrases on AMD profiles that very few people really mean:

Playing It By Ear (PIBE)

Other brothers/sisters/cousins to this are: Let's See Where It Leads or Going With The Flow

It is implies that during the early stages of a "feeling out" period, the member is willing to just see where the conservation is going to take them. It implies that control is willing to be yielded in the right situations. It implies that they are truly a non-judgment free spirit, who will float from one situation to another will ease and comfort. If a situation works out - fine - If a situation doesn't work out - fine as well.

I think the last few months of AMD blogs and forum posts have proven this mindset to be less than honest.

Most of us have preconceived notions of how we want a situation to be. The thought of us really giving up the control and really allowing "playing it by ear" to take place is a fruitless endeavor. Our minds are constantly processing information, comparing one to another and ourselves to others. To truly be able to "play it by ear" we have to let all expectations go and be open-minded enough to allow someone else to lead us and have a willingness to follow. Doesn't mean we have to ultimately yield to all of their demands but we have made a commitment to at least give them control of some of the situation.

The final outcome still lies within yourselves. Playing It By Ear (PIBE) doesn't mean you have to do anything that would compromise your core values. You can still explore and really learn about someone if you truly PIBE while examining your own likes and dislikes in the process.

Recently, I nearly met someone and we were going to PIBE. The anticipation of the situation became too much for her to process, so she cancelled. She couldn't handle what she viewed as the "ultimate" of the situation, while it didn't agree with my "ultimate" of the situation. She couldn't really PIBE, even though she said she could.

If you can't PIBE, then do us and yourself a favor, don't say you can. Posters like me will be less frustrated and you will be more honest and feel better about yourself in the process.

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   read more blogs!

Blogs by decaturnooner:
Phone Numbers
Top 5 Celebrity Crushes
Lack of Zip In My Do Da
Wading in Shallow Water on AMD
One Month Ago...
Total Honesty - Is this really desired?
Fear of the Unknown
Ten Things I Noticed About A Loss Of Power (Beam Me Up Scotty)
Courage The Cowardly Dog
Top Ten Sources of Frustration - November 2006
The King Has Returned
Water, Shots and Sex
My Belly
Hate Mail
A hot summer night


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Nov 21 @ 10:14AM  
Makes me wanna go AWWWWWWWWWWWW lol. Just kidding.

Nov 21 @ 11:36AM  
the only issue with both PIBE is that then no one takes the initiative. And quite frankly, I want someone to take the initiative. So I guess I am out of that particular party! Now, if you want a lass who will take control and get things movin and shaking.. figure out how to get to Oregon

Nov 21 @ 12:00PM  
I can't really say what the problem is, but I'm wondering if - given your situation - if that person simply reconsidered the concesquences? Just a thought...

Nov 21 @ 12:05PM  
The consequences of PIBE?

I think once 2 people have agreed to meet and PIBE then you have agreed to let your guard down a bit. If one doesn't really mean they want to PIBE, then they really shouldn't waste the time of having it in their profile/essay.

It is ok not to have it in a profile. I am with PONME on this issue. If you know what you want and you know what you don't want, PIBE doesn't apply.

Nov 21 @ 1:18PM  
Well, the problem also rests with "honesty".

Honesty isn't all it's cracked up to be. Many people don't have good intrapersonal skills and therefore don't know how to be honest with themselves. It's not that they don't want to's just that they're no good at it. Others have poor interpersonal skills and don't know how to be honest with others. They aren't trying to mislead someone, but hey just don't know how to communicate properly.

Then there are people who are outright decievers. Those that have decided what they want the end outcome to be, and will bend honesty until it breaks to get what they want.

Finally, there is the fact that honesty can change over time. Something that a person holds to be true can change over a given period until it's simply not true anymore.

With as complex as this is, it's surprising we get ANYTHING done at all!

Nov 21 @ 1:23PM  
If I never wanted to be myself, I would want to be more like Dom.

Thanks for the excellent post!

Nov 21 @ 3:46PM  
I'm flattered, but preferentially happy you're you, King.

Nov 21 @ 5:47PM  
Well, I'm the Queen (Bee) and this is a matriarchal community...what I say goes! And what i say is that PIBE includes changing one's mind. It's not wrong, it's not bad, it's not deceptive, it's not teasing, it's not dishonest. It just is. The Queen has spoken!

Now, can we please get back to the part where everyone worships at our (my) feet?

Nov 21 @ 7:14PM  

Nov 21 @ 7:59PM  
I think the King might have something to say about who is worshipped around here.

At least the rotation has to have me worshipped first and the line form behind.

Nov 21 @ 11:49PM  
Hmmm, I'll think about it...Nope, the line starts here (at my feet, that is). Or...or maybe we should just play it by ear? *snicker*

Okay, back to the real topic here. Playing it by ear is not about someone sitting back and letting the other person decide what's going to happen, where, when, and how it's going to happen; that just makes it a control issue. Ponme was right - someone has to take the initiative; someone has to push at least a little or what you get is stagnation. And oh, do I know about stagnation! It just seems to me that after a certain point, PIBE is merely a way to say "I'm not sure I want to do this." or maybe, "I'm still looking around - hold on and I'll get back to you." I say shit or get off the pot! I see people complaining all the time that no one seems to truly want to take things off site and make something happen. PIBE is part of the reason for this, as I see it. My question is, when you do you stop playing it by ear and just play???

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