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Allow Me to Vent.... Please.

posted 7/17/2008 9:15:54 PM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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tagged: rant, vent, angel

As the title states, I need to vent a little, and what better place to do it than here on AMD? Now, let me start this blog with a little history so that the actual "rant" contained herein makes reasonable sense to those who choose to read it.

Anyone who's taken the time to read my profile is well aware that I'm bisexual, and for those of you who didn't know, well... now you do. Anyway, back in November of 2004, I was contacted on another site by a female who was interested in what she had read on my profile. We exchanged a few emails, and eventually, she asked for my phone number. We spoke on the phone and seemed to connect really well. It was as if I had known her for years. That was the beginning of our year and a half long relationship.

We did everything together. Our families dined together, she and I went shopping together, and I even watched her children for her when she needed it and vice versa. During the summer of 2005, she spent almost every single day at my house, allowing her two sons to play with my daughters. For the record, our children were NEVER aware of our relationship; instead, we were like best friends in their eyes. Any "intimate" time we spent together occurred when all of the children were out of the house. All was well, and we were happy.

I began to notice a gradual change in her behavior in early 2006. She didn't call as much, and when I called her, she was always busy and needed to call me back (which rarely happened). She finally contacted me one day and admitted to me that she had been talking to another ex girlfriend of mine. I was baffled. She told me of how they had been talking on the phone and about the time they had met at a local Wal-Mart. I was positive that it hadn't ended there, so I asked her if they had slept together. Indeed they had on at least one occasion. I was crushed.

Anyway, she apologized, but I couldn't get over the hurt she caused. I was willing to be her friend (I truly adored her sons, and I didn't want them out of my life completely), but I didn't have it in me to step back into that sort of relationship with her again. "Once bitten, twice shy." We continued our friendship, talking on the phone occasionally, but she'd always point out how she'd give anything to have me back, Well, in March of this year I heard from her for the last time (aside from a chance meeting in Wal-Mart back in June), or so I thought. I was ready to close the book on that chapter of my life, and out of the blue, she texted me today. Our "typed" conversation went as follows:

Her: (early morning, 9:00 a.m.) Fwd: Just wanted 2 let u know im thinking of u alot lately n just had a really nice dream about u…

Myself: (later in the afternoon, 4:45 p.m.) What was this FWD about that you sent to me out of the blue earlier, and who was it meant for?

Her: It was meant 4 u n it was forwarded because I had accidentally tried 2 send it without typing in the area code just wanted 2 let u know…

Myself: I didn’t have a clue. I assumed you had moved on and someone else was preoccupying your time and thoughts since other than a run in at Wal-Mart, I haven’t heard from you since March.

Her: Since that run in at walmart I have dreamed of u nearly every night so have you moved on yourself?

Myself: Well, I’m no longer on your MySpace, so who is she? Before I was removed completely, I was removed from your tops friends. There’s a reason behind that.

Her: She is just a girl n the youth group that needed a place 2 stay at church n I didn’t remove u some of my other friends got deleted too…

Myself: That’s fine. It’s none of my business anyway. You can be with whomever you want. I’m not your keeper. Well, I need to shower. A friend may be stopping by later.

Her: Just wanted 2 say hi hope all is well 4 u confession is good 4 the soul they say so yes we r n love with each other just wanted 2 c how u r doin…

Myself: Amazing. You text me, deny everything, and when I say a “friend” may be stopping by, you throw that shit at me. I wonder how your new love would feel about you denying her, too?

Her: Well I didn’t deny nething or anyone I simply told u who she was then told u that we were n love with each other just wishin u the best…

Myself: From what I recall, she’s only 17. So why the hell would you contact me after all this time (talking about dreaming of me) only to try to hurt me AGAIN? Thanks.

Her: I didn’t say tap the content of the dream was and shes 18 no and no im not just tryin 2 hurt u…

Myself: I’m done. I KNOW I didn’t do anything to deserve this. As a matter of fact, I stood by you while the rest of the world turned its back. I’ll miss the boys. Goodbye.

Continued in comments...

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post a comment!


Jul 17 @ 9:17PM  
The conversation ended with that. She never texted back, and I'm glad. I wasn't kidding when I said, "I'm done." It isn't worth the emotional stress. It doesn't bother me that she's found someone else. In fact, I'm happy for her. However, I refuse to hang around and offer my friendship, allowing her to toy with my emotions whenever she sees fit. It is evident that her demeanor changed during the conversation right at the point where I mentioned a friend (platonic in nature) stopping by this evening. At that very moment, she went from, "I've been dreaming about you" to "Yes, we are in love with each other." Her own jealousy caused her to lash out, and I don't need that kind of poison in my life any longer. I've moved on to better things, and I deserve to live freely, without the stress of emotional anchors.

Thank you all for reading this, as I feel much better after being able to get it off my chest. I hope each of you has a wonderful night. Take care. ~Smiles~


Jul 17 @ 9:35PM  
Getting it off your chest is good. But in order to change your future you need to take action. Ask yourself this question: "What am I going to do to make my next relationship a healthy one?" Good luck.

Jul 17 @ 10:17PM  
Vent all you want. Healing is never easy, but it's always worth it.


Jul 17 @ 10:56PM  
I dislike when people think they can just walk in and out on a whim and it's ok.'s not ok and you don't deserve that!

Jul 17 @ 11:33PM  
Let it all out and leave it in the past. Move on!! Wish you the best

Jul 17 @ 11:43PM  
People never cease to amaze, do they?

As Tarie said, vent all you want, that's what we're here for!!!!

Love ya, girl!

Jul 18 @ 1:30AM  
hey woman....if you need someone to talk to, and i dont mean just type either, hit me up. you should already know by now that i will sit and listen anytime you need a friend......

Jul 18 @ 11:10AM  
Venting is great for the soul.......hang in there Angel!

Jul 18 @ 7:48PM  
Good for you for moving on Angel.

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Allow Me to Vent.... Please.