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You Might Be An On-line Dater If......

posted 7/1/2008 10:19:39 PM |
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tagged: funny, sunshine
  Sunshine79

If you've ever seen a profile with a body type marked, "Average," but the picture looks as if the person may not fit through the St. Louis Arch, you might be an online dater.

If you've ever had a first date cancelled at the last moment because "Aunt Tillie has contracted Flesh Eating Bacterial Syndrome and I have scrape her boils," you might be an online dater.

If you've ever had a second date cancelled at the last minute because your date is getting married that Saturday you might be an online dater.

If you've ever had someone tell you they don't post their pictures because they're in the Witness Protection Program (Frequent Relocation Department) you might be an online dater.

If you've ever seen a profile picture of someone who has a current calendar in the background dated June 1985 you might be an online dater.

If you've ever seen the same profiles on Match, Yahoo Personals, eHarmony, Facebook, POF, and Desperate in Prison, you might be an online dater.

If you've ever stipulated that you're looking for someone who keeps in shape, and you hear constantly from people who say, "Well, ROUND is a shape!" you might be an online dater.

If you've ever gone out with someone who's just looking "to be friends" but they've sent 137 text messages wondering what you're doing, why haven't you called, and who are you with, you might be an online dater.

If you've ever read a profile that stated someone is "financially secure," but lists occupation as "Recycling Aluminum Containers Recovered From Municipal Street Receptacles," you might be an online dater.

If you've ever seen a marital status as "Never Married," but number of children "10+" you might be an online dater.

If you've ever witnessed someone spell "you're" as "your," or "they're" as "their" or "there," or "as butt ugly as a wart hog" as "very attractive" you might be an online dater.

If you've ever seen a profile with the headline, "FOUND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!" and wondered, "Then why are you still here?" you might be an online dater.

If you've ever seen a profile with only pictures of the person's motorcycles, boats, earth moving equipment, or vibrators, you might be an online dater.

If you've ever found the person of your dreams, only to find out she's due to be released in 8 to 10 years -- with good behavior -- you might be an online dater.

If you've ever seen a profile which says, "I don't have any baggage, except for that lying cheating slut who bankrupted me and boiled my bunny rabbit," you might be an online dater.

If you've ever seen a profile state, "non-smoker," but their main picture features the person with a haiku pipe, you might be an online dater.

If you've ever Googled the name of the lady who winked at you and the first site that comes up is, "Playboy's Whores of the Big Ten," you might be an online dater.

If you've ever Googled the name of the gent who winked at you and the first site that comes up is, "FBI's Most Wanted List," you might be an online dater.

If you've ever looked at a profile and thought, "Good God, if that person can't find a date, what the hell am I gonna do?" you might be an online dater.

If you've ever been told by a date, "You're funny, you're sexy, you're great to be with, you're terrific in bed, you're the most absolutely perfect person I've ever met in my entire life, you're my soul mate, you're everything I could want -- let's just be friends," you might be an online dater.

If you've ever received an email from a contact which said, "Sorry I've not written in three months, but there were complications with the gender change operation," you might be an online dater.

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Comments:

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1bunny629

Jul 1 @ 10:31PM  
I can add to that...but WTF...we are all so UNSCREWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
manwithoutahorse

Jul 1 @ 10:42PM  
If your number of dates with real people you have had in the last year is less than the number of times you've masturbated so far this week, you might be an on-line dater.
missweet

Jul 1 @ 11:35PM  
If you've ever seen a profile with only pictures of the person's motorcycles, boats, earth moving equipment, or vibrators, you might be an online dater.

Sunshine, good thing you have other pics then your vibs! or you might be an online dater too!

If you've ever been told by a date, "You're funny, you're sexy, you're great to be with, you're terrific in bed, you're the most absolutely perfect person I've ever met in my entire life, you're my soul mate, you're everything I could want -- let's just be friends," you might be an online dater.

I heard that before I came online dating!
Good Blog Funny SH@T!!!!!!
wtxman

Jul 2 @ 2:05AM  
I said stop it

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You Might Be An On-line Dater If......