I was reading Clickanad's Sexless Friday blog and 1bunny;s experience and it occurred to me I always wondered what a gal should say when a guy can;t get it up?
It is something that happens reasonably often.and not just to guys who are 50 and over.
I am mindful that alot of the action is between his ears, and that his self-perception is as fragile to my words as if I held his balls in my mouth. I am very careful not to make any false moves either way.
I can;t lie and say I am not disappointed. I love a good fucking. But you can;t exactly suggest that someone you just met get Viagra either.
What should a gal say?
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| what should a gal say when a guy has performance anxiety? |
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rnj1013
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Jun 28 @ 7:37PM
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you could say "want me to bring in some backup"
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1bunny629
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Jun 28 @ 8:11PM
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Hell I did have his balls in my mouth...WTF...I finally let him give up, but I gave it all I had...I told him it wan't a problem. He was so nervous to meet me I guess he just had anxiety performance like you said...or at his age it could have just been the beer? I am very kind and I promise I let it be with out hurting his fellings. I gave him a passionate kiss and we went to sleep. Next time...probably won't be a next time, but ya never no.
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Detach
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Jun 28 @ 8:22PM
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My belief is that men with performance anxiety are just like chicks- you can't turn them on simply by flicking a switch. Why not put the same amount of time into turning him on that he probably had to put into turning you on?
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Sunshine79
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Jun 28 @ 8:36PM
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I've had it happen to me before. The guy is so damn nervous. So, I just end up laying there and touching them softly and stroking them just talking and then add a little whispering and then some kissing. It usually ends up in sex!!
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1bunny629
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Jun 28 @ 8:38PM
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I did put all my effort into it...maybe I tried too hard?
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rnj1013
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Jun 28 @ 8:42PM
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you wouldn't even have to try with me bunny 
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whisperingcomet
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Jun 28 @ 8:42PM
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Great blog...guys, seriously...what should we say?
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1bunny629
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Jun 28 @ 8:49PM
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rnj...that's exactly what he said! Ouch!
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rnj1013
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Jun 28 @ 9:02PM
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I'm surprised bunny.....Ida thought you'd go for it 
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1bunny629
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Jun 28 @ 9:08PM
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I have never been known to just lay there even when Tied up!
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Detach
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Jun 28 @ 9:31PM
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For me, when it seems like your just trying to stuff a marshmellow into a keyhole (my favorite saying), I find that maybe it's due to the woman being too delicate.
Perhaps you should squeeze harder, clench your jaws down harder, bend it, etc... then it starts to work.
As to what to say, it's probably best to keep quiet about it. After all, you never kno what is going on in the guy's mind to hinder his performance.
Just try to be more sensual. Start wriggling, moaning, purring, and such. Good luck ladies.
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1bunny629
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Jun 28 @ 9:36PM
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Thanks...HA! Is that how ya do it?! LMAO! 
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aftershox
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Jun 28 @ 9:38PM
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you can't turn them on simply by flicking a switch detach - that is so true, and as you say, it applies to both gals and guys. I met a guy once who kept pushing on my clit as if it were on "ON" switch. I couldn't get over the fact that he must have thought he was "turning me on".
I am glad to hear that other women are being sensitive and kind in this area. Being reassuring and retreating to other kinds of caresses and sex play. Massage. giggling and tickling. All things I have done as well.
But let me ask a question about a specific situation. When performance anxiety is so extreme that he doesn't get aroused enough to cum while you are giving oral. Some guys won;t get hard enough for intercourse but still get off very nicely with a good blow job. But what does a gal do when she realizes he is just not going to let go enough to orgasm. How can you suggest that you stop going down on him without making him feel bad?
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clickedanad2
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Jun 28 @ 9:47PM
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How can you suggest that you stop going down on him without making him feel bad? he feels bad as it is
opportunity knocked and he couldn't answer
he's not gonna feel worse
if it ain't workin'
start over in the a.m. - if that's an option
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1bunny629
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Jun 28 @ 9:58PM
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I don't stop until there is a moment where I feel the time for a gentle kiss and a warm sweet touch to his face is appropriate. it works, although it has happened many times, but it is always the warmth of the kiss that tells him has been there for me and appreciated even though we haven't accomplished our ultimate goal.
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1bunny629
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Jun 28 @ 9:58PM
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I Kudo you Aftersock...great blog.
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1bunny629
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Jun 28 @ 10:02PM
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sorry...after sock...aftershox...pleas forgive me!
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aftershox
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Jun 28 @ 10:57PM
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hey bunny.. no worries.
After all , we are all just really looking for great socks, aren;t we?
And even when "socks" isn't so great, we all want to just feel good about about ourselves and who we have been connecting with.
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Detach
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Jun 28 @ 11:15PM
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aftershox- have you tried gentle biting? Maybe he's more sensitive at the base of the penis where your mouth possibly can't reach. LOL now I know how Ann Landers feels. 
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aftershox
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Jun 28 @ 11:39PM
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OK Ann "Detach" Landers or is it Click Ann lAnDers...LOL
Between you two we gals have gotten some good advice. However my question wasn't about one man in particular..it seems to be fairly common and I have run into this on numerous occasions. It is easier when with someone you have been with a number of times. It is trickier when with someone the first time.
CLICK basically reinforced what I have done in the past.. gals shouldn't say anything, We should not verbalize the problem. esp not in bed.
In addition to exploring options like nibbling on the head, the rim., the taint, prostate massage and ass licking, I have also gotten out a vibrator and used it on his cock and around his balls while giving a blow job. I have also suggested cock rings, vibrating and non-vibrating.
So another tactic would be to explore ways of stimulating him more physically, and hopefully distract him enough that he stops worrying about performance.
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1bunny629
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Jun 28 @ 11:54PM
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ok great...now ya got me horny again Shox!
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Detach
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Jun 29 @ 12:00AM
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LMAO wow. you've gone through some extreme, drastic measures for your partners haven't you? I've never had to have it go that far, but kudos to you for not giving up. 
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triponlove
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Jun 29 @ 7:03AM
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But you can;t exactly suggest that someone you just met get Viagra either.
Why not !!!!! Just tell him that he is in for a "marathon session" and then you suggest he bring along a few little blue pills for backup !
I rarely use Viagra but I never leave home without them !
OUT 
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Wordsofwit
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Jun 29 @ 9:02AM
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It is cyclical. The more they try unsuccessfully to make it happen, the greater the mental block and distraction. It can strike to the center of the guy's perception of himself as a man. Saying little or nothing about it is best. Take into account if alcohol is a contributing factor.
If there is any interaction into the future, let him bring up the subject. It quite possibly may have been a problem in the past and there may have been a way it was successfully addressed before.
As guys get older, or even more experienced, women sometimes get ready and he might not be. Taking a lot of time orally can work wonders. The obligatory one minute of dick sucking just before she is ready to fuck is not a good strategy, but I knew several women who approached it in that way. People need to work together as a team for a win/win outcome.
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