A friend of mine who writes self help and empowerment books for a living recieved a contract to write a book on Internet dating. After reading the first 2 pages of the draft we got into a pretty big argument after I told him he was full of crap & the book was not worth using as toilet paper. We agreed that he would post his version of the first 2 pages on 2 sites and that I would post a rewritten version of them on 2 others for the purpose of asking the Ladies of the sites to give honest and open opinions of each version. This is my rewritten version based on reading the essays and blogs of the ladies here at AMD and at one of the top premium sites.
If you have a few minutes I would appreciate your Open, Honest and Brutal if necessary opinions of the following article.
Thank You
Winning The Online Dating Game.
Online dating is one of the biggest things going. Most guys fail horribly at it and don't have a clue why. Whether you are looking for the girl of your dreams, your next ex wife or just wanting to get layed tonight the rules for success are the basicly the same and are especially important for guys when looking for long term "friends with benefits" or a partner you wish to spend the rest of your life with.
Women rule the online dating scene. Lets face it, they have the goods and are the ones who chose who is going to be the lucky guy. They get bombed with dozens of flirts and email's daily from guys with wildly sexual user names bragging about how endowed & talented they are and they promptly delete 90+% of them without ever reading them. The same is true with profiles. If your profile says to a woman " I'm a jerk who just wants in your pants" then she is going to think "oh crap, another creep" and move on.
Women are interested in and often turned on by a man who actually takes the time to pay attention to what they want, need or enjoy. They are driven by genetics and basic psychological makeup to be more attracted to a man who treats them with respect and makes them feel attractive and desirable. Even women who prefer to be wild and naughty behind closed doors like to be treated as an attractive and desirable, wild and naughty woman.
Before you ever post a profile on a Top Premium Site, which by the way are the best and most successful places, you need to do your homework. Think of it as an investment in success or as ( Ladies Please forgive me for putting it like this but men just don't understand plain english at times) learning how to bag the big game or catch the trophy fish. Guys spend years learning how fish & game think and what attracts the prizes and wonder why their wall is covered with deer heads and bass but their bed is empty. The answer is simple. You think with your brain to hunt for game & with your dick to hunt for women. Your dick is an idiot, use the other head!
Learn what make women attracted to a man (do not try to learn this from the guys at work or down at the hunting lodge!) and what satisfies them. If you can spend years learning how to work a turkey call or catch fish with a rubber worm then you can spend time learning how to make a woman actualy interested in you and learning how to wiggle your own worm to keep her coming back for more. Women are much smarter than a turkey & know a rubber worm when they see one. With a little effort and knowledge even a very plain average guy can easily become one of the most sought after "cyber studs".
If you think I am kidding spend an evening just walking through places like Applebees or O' Charlies and pay attention to all the tables where there is 1 fairly average guy and several very fine ladies. No he ain't a sissy or gay. He is someone who made one of those women happy & she decided her friends needed to feel the same way.
Your Profile:
Assuming you have done your research from quality sources & didn't get your advice from the fat toothless guy down at the local bait shop you are ready to post a profile. Your profile is an advertisement for yourself and and a key to sucesfull online dating. Remember first impressions are all you get. Blow it here & you may as well pack up your gear & give it up.
Profiles with a Good picture get the most responses. You may think the picture of you drunk with your buddies at Mardi Gras is cool but trust me women don't. Post a picture that shows you clean, well groomed and decently dressed (no, cammo boxers and a t-shirt is not acceptable) preferable in a non sports environment.
Describe your qualities and beliefs that would make a woman think " hmm this guy might be nice to be with" and Don't Lie! The majority of women who are looking for "friends with benefits" or a potential mate want someone they can trust, who makes them feel emotionally and physically attractive and who will be someone enjoyable to talk to and hang out with.
Size
Once again Don't Lie! You may have the smallest worm in the tackle box but if you fulfill her emotional needs and satisfy her you will be in the top tray & the first choice when she decides to mozy on down to the fishing hole again .
Usernames
Pick a username that is non-sexual. Just a simple yourfirstname12345 allong with a good profile has an 85% better rate than someting like hunglikeamule10in. Research shows that sexual user names cause most women to think "he is just looking for a quickie" and to ignore the user.
Get a membership:
Don't waste time on so called "free memberships". they are limited and most women are not going to waste time playing games to get around the blocks that keep free members from using the sites full resources.Quite frankly they rightfully feel that if you can't afford or be bothered with signing up and being a real member then you are probably a fake or can't afford to show them a good time. Think of a premium membership as ammo for your gun or gas for your boat. Without them you are not going to bag a trophy and your time would be better spent mowing the yard, By investing in even a minimal premium membership you have already shown you are probably for real and worth a second look or at least the time for her to read your email.
Don't waste your time or money on the over hyped singles and cheaters sites. The majority of them are scams and marketing blitzes and have more bots designed to con you into upgrading than real members. Stick with the top, tried and true sites.
First Contact:
Your first contact with a woman online is like contacting an alien species. Follow the Prime Directive! Never send messages like " hey neighbor, we live 3 miles apart, wanna screw?". If you even consider sending those messages just get your gun out and shoot yourself in the foot. It's quicker, cheaper and a lot less painful. Your first message has to be like a tiny taste of fine chocolate. One that excites her senses and makes her wonder just how good it would be to eat the whol
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
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| Ladies I NEED your Imput & Advice Please. |
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SxzeNewMe
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Jun 19 @ 10:39PM
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They are driven by genetics and basic psychological makeup to be more attracted to a man who treats them with respect and makes them feel attractive and desirable.
Whoa! Back the truck up! What is this - driven by genetics to be more attracted to blah, blah, blah...? Sorry, I don't buy the "genetic disposition" concept...If this was true, women wouldn't find themselves in abusive relationships... Sorry - I've had this argument before.
Now, that aside, there are good points -
* do your research and find a "top premium site" (which is, of course, subjective)
* work on that profile - a good pic and good narrative are essential, yep!
* don't lie - LOVING that pointer - can't stress this enough
* usernames - personally, I have to agree, but if a person is out to have fun, a fun name is okay, too (right Straddle? ;)
I'd say this is a good start - could use some elaboration (maybe some examples of good and bad pics, essays, opening lines, etc...)
But now...where's the rest???
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Ewe_Wish
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Jun 20 @ 12:33AM
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There are some really good points in here........sadly the fact is.......alot doesnt matter on what his profile looks like or what his pics look like (tho i agree about the username) the fact is each and every really nice guy on the internet is paying for the 10 to 20 jerks a woman has met online. She may not do it intentionally but after you meet so many jerks its hard for a woman to take a chance getting to know someone.
I feel that along with a decent profile and pic........interaction in such things as the blogs and forums will get you to know someone a lot better....sometimes you will know more about them from that than you would in a hundred emails.
its not a bad start on the book..........tho I think tryring to tell someone how to make sure they get what they want from internet dating is about as easy as explaining to a pregnant woman how exactly her deleivery will go............each case is different..........but its good to kinda have some outline to go by.
good blog.
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Irridum
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Jun 20 @ 1:32AM
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Whoa! Back the truck up! What is this - driven by genetics to be more attracted to blah, blah, blah...? Sorry, I don't buy the "genetic disposition" concept...If this was true, women wouldn't find themselves in abusive relationships... Sorry - I've had this argument before
I have to agree with you 100% SxzeNewMe. That line was taken from a American Journal of Psychiatry publication about a 5 year study that I believe is total Bull Droppings. I looked up the study & there was not a single woman on the 12 rescearcher panel.
I hate to say this about a friend but his version reads like an instruction guide on how to treat women as sluts or whores, abuse them & then toss them aside like a used floppy disk.
I realy appreciate the imput so far from you and Ewe_Wish & I hope many more of the ladies will "lay the truth down" so that I can infulance a total rewrite of the book before it is published. At the very least some of us guys will learn valuable lessons from your comments.
PS: His version has been deleted from 1 site & he was banned by the moderators & the 12 comments recieved on the other site I will not repeat since there are ladies here that I highly respect.
Thank You again Ladies.
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South_Of_Main
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Jun 20 @ 3:14AM
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First off...
PS: His version has been deleted from 1 site & he was banned by the moderators & the 12 comments recieved on the other site I will not repeat since there are ladies here that I highly respect.
And this guy is actually still considering the project?!?
Secondly, be sure to use a spell checker. Errors like that, whether its some sort of article or an email.. well they are a turn off.
While you have some good points, such as being honest, contacting women is NOT like contacting an alien species. Courtesy, attention to detail (on their profile) and good communication skills will get you more replies. If you honestly don't fit what they are looking for, then don't waste the time to begin with.
I don't believe its necessary to purchase a membership to anything. There are plenty of sites that offer pretty much full use of the site without having to pay a cent. Most of those so called "Top Premium Sites" are a complete ripoff, so save your money for dating or whatever.
Good luck on your 'project'.
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dumblonde
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Jun 20 @ 3:40AM
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if i had all the answers, i dont think i would be here, but...
i like the hunting analogy and how men will do so much to outsmart their prey until it comes to women and they want to shake their dick and think women will flock...doesnt work, now does it???
first impressions are important...agreed about the sexual screen name...we dont believe 12nchcockn10nchtung..and a pic with and ex...WRONG...a strongly sexual pic doesnt work for most as the first hello...i think most women want to think that you like them first..and WANT them next..yes, we like to be desired, but for more than just one thing...
men seem to think that what attracts them works on women...sorry, if you havent figured this simple thing out, you will never be successful...
my suggestion to men is to engage women online in a similar fashion as if you were out somewhere...most men would not get a positive response in public if they walked up to a woman and said, "i want to ram my hard cock up your ass"...so why should that work online????
if interested...express it in a respectful way..let a woman know that you think of her of a person, find her interesting and attractive...be honest (many women just want an encounter too)...but not crude...
when i go fishing...i think...if i was a fish, where would i be...and likewise, if men want to catch a woman, they need to think...if i was a woman, what would i want...
good luck
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CANDACECSR
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Jun 20 @ 6:10PM
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 Quite entertaining......and surprising ....right on the money!  
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LickMyClit
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Jun 20 @ 7:40PM
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Your both probably wrong. Why in the world is a man telling other men what women really want? That makes no damn sense!!! 
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sugarnspice005
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Jun 20 @ 8:05PM
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Don't waste time on so called "free memberships". they are limited and most women are not going to waste time playing games to get around the blocks that keep free members from using the sites full resources.Quite frankly they rightfully feel that if you can't afford or be bothered with signing up and being a real member then you are probably a fake or can't afford to show them a good time.
That isn't necessarily true. Geez...makes us ladies sound like money grubbers or something. I speak for myself here, I'm not overly impressed with, or, concerned with, what the man has in his wallet. It's what is in his heart that I care about. A guy can have all the money in the world, be drop dead gorgeous..but, an asshole is always gonna stink.
One little bit of advice here....when a man comes across a woman's profile that he's interested...do NOT stop at the picture and write!! READ what the woman has to say in essays!!!! Gives a general idea of what topic of conversation might peak her interest. 
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Irridum
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Jun 21 @ 12:47AM
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I would like to Thank all the ladies who took the time to post comments & emails on this subject. 
I don't claim to be a writer or even a novice about online dating. I think 8 out of 10 of those stupid "self help" books Chris writes are expensive toilet paper but his publisher pays very well for them. I wish I made that kind of money for my opinions
Chris hit a sore nerve with the views he had written about the way to treat women. I have daughters & granddaughters and I sure wouldn't want them treated like that. Honestly I don't think I would want someone I hated to be treated that way.
He has agreed not to submit his current manuscript to his publisher until it has been decently researched and edited With the help of a couple of lady editors this time.
Thank you all again for your help. 
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PinkToeNails
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Jun 21 @ 8:51PM
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WOW!! you put alot of time into this one!! You get a kudo from me!!! 
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