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George Carlins Rules For 2008!! LMAO!

posted 6/18/2008 8:54:30 PM |
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tagged: comedy, laugh, sunshine
  Sunshine79

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.'

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want Cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Mars Bar.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell If he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, Dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'

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   read more blogs!

Blogs by Sunshine79:
What's the defintion of GROSS??
Ha ha.....Ha ha...Ha ha......
Funny Fishing Trip.....LOL
Would you rather.....
BEST ANSWER EVER!!!
Things Men SHOULDN'T Say After SEx...LMAO!!
Where's My PIZZA!!
Smoke after Sex
Hooked On Phonics....LMAO!!
Hillbilly Mirror....LMAO!
1st thing you do in the a.m.
Mean & Crude Horoscopes **(MAY OFFEND!!)**
George Carlins Rules For 2008!! LMAO!
What Is Considered BBW?
Something Funny In The Real World......LMAO!!
Could An Affair Save A Marriage??
3 Good Arguments....LMAO!!
I saw this billboard today......
Isn't It SEXY Saturday??
Too Loud In Bed??
HELP! I can't get off!
Absent Vaginas & Stretching....
Do you KISS after ORAL SEX?
HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!!!
WARNING!! (Men)


Comments:

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wtxman

Jun 18 @ 9:12PM  
George Carlin still Rules Thanks M for this
manwithoutahorse

Jun 18 @ 9:12PM  
George C. has a unique take on the world. So real compared to most people. oh, and funny too.
lunanegra

Jun 18 @ 9:17PM  
The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.

LOL
rnj1013

Jun 18 @ 9:18PM  
I got to see him live a few years ago......good times
ynot7769

Jun 19 @ 6:13AM  
George Carlin for prezzz!!!!

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George Carlins Rules For 2008!! LMAO!