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Could An Affair Save A Marriage??

posted 6/17/2008 9:09:51 PM |
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tagged: sex, affair, marriage, sunshine

Could an affair save your marriage?

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by Sandy Maple Jun 9th 2008 5:02PM

Mira Kirshenbaum is an experienced marriage therapist who has written a book in which she explores the positive side of cheating. She's not talking about fudging the numbers on your golf score, but rather the sneaking-around -behind-your-significant-other's-back kind of cheating. In her book, When Good People Have Affairs, Kirshenbaum insists that most philanderers are good people who just need love and that having the "right kind" of affair can "jolt people from their inertia." "You could think of it as a radical but necessary medical procedure. If your marriage is in cardiac arrest, an affair can be a defibrillator," she says.

Okay, so your marriage is in its death throes and in order to save it, you go out and get busy with a stranger. That's all fine and dandy according to Kirshenbaum. But whatever you do, do NOT tell your partner that you've strayed. Even if asked directly, you should lie like a dog. "This is the one area in which the truth usually creates far more damage in the long run," she said. "If you care that much about honesty, figure out who you want to be with, commit to that relationship and devote the rest of your life to making it the most honest relationship you can."

Kirshenbaum's point of view might be a bit drastic for some, but at the heart of her arguments are an underlying truth: affairs happen. If I really try, I can get my head around how an affair might revive a dying marriage. What I can't get comfortable with is idea of lying about it. What about you? Would you want to know if your partner cheated? Would you tell if you did?

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post a comment!


Jun 17 @ 9:17PM  
I think that woman is a dipshit!

Would you want to know if your partner cheated? Would you tell if you did?

Yes, I would want to know. As for me cheating, It's not in my nature to cheat.

Jun 17 @ 9:24PM  
the sheepies never tell on each other

Jun 17 @ 9:37PM  
Yeah,I see her logic in that but what of the emotions of the third party involved? I figure if marriages needed an aide,they can go to a counselor like sensible people should,that's what they are there for.

Jun 17 @ 9:47PM  

Cheating nevercaused anything but Divorce. You do things together, or with the other persons concent, or not at all.

Jun 17 @ 9:57PM  
I feel that trust is important. Without that you have nothing...

Jun 17 @ 10:11PM  
Shoot, I've even been given permission to cheat and I still can't. It's been seven years now. The one person who I would cheat with lives too far away.

Jun 17 @ 10:38PM  
My feeling about anything one is guilty of - when caught, admit it and suck up the consequences.

Jun 17 @ 10:56PM  
She might be a marrage therapist but that doesn't mean she is a good one. Hitler was a motivator and a leader but not a good one.

Jun 17 @ 11:11PM  
I didn't divorce my Ex because she cheated. I divorced her because she lied about it.

I think the author needs a dose of reality.

Jun 17 @ 11:17PM  
OK, I must be bored. I researched Mira Kirshenbaum. She and Dr. Charles Foster are co founders of Chestnut Hill Institute. I looked up Dr. Charles Foster. One is an eye doctor in Tenn., the other a Bible Scholar. Niether one is the one connected with Mira. I looked up Chestnut Institute and it looks like a PR page to sell books and hold conferences. She has a degree from NYU and London University. I could not find if Foster has a degree. However they can write books and sell them and get on TV. Personally, I would not take their advice.

Jun 17 @ 11:42PM  
Hmmm.I don't believe in her logic.. To cheat and not tell thats not right.. well to just cheat is not right..
But if you cheat and don't tell and in the end get found out well it is worse then having the affair right.. Hmmm
Now To have on online affair that is a different story.. Some do think it is like cheating.. you can have your fun without ever touching each other,.. I think jusy make sure your other half knows what you are doing.. And well it can help your marraige....

Jun 18 @ 6:36AM  
Sounds like the good Dr. has crafted and elaborate ploy to find more bed-mates for herself.

Jun 18 @ 8:35PM  
If my partner ever cheated I wouldn't want to know about long as he came home to me every night & i didn't catch anything I wouldn't care.

Jun 19 @ 10:16PM  
I think as long as the third party is informed yoour married and ok with it, then you'd be good to go.

Jun 19 @ 11:51PM  
From my personal experience...Last year I had that wifes feeling that "something was up with my marriage" sooo I started to snoop and found phone numbers and so on. Well after a full investigation I discovered that he was shopping online for some extra activity. So I joined one of his groups and sent him an email, he answered and I was willing to meet with him. I had all my bases cover so he had no clue he was meeting his own wife...the only woman that was willing to hook up with him for real. LOL You should have seen the look on his face when he realized it was me the whole time.
I went back to work and told him we would talk when I got home. We had the greatest sex that let me take that back, we have had the best sex every weekend since. But, you ask how did I save my marriage after catching my husband of 18 years trying to cheat on me. That is an other chapter.


Jun 20 @ 5:12AM  
Does it happen to mention anywhere if she is married....and if so, how many times and /or how long? Oh yea, and is her husband happy?

Either way, sounds to me like she's an idiot. Just my nickels worth..

Jun 20 @ 6:44AM  
Could An Affair Save A Marriage??

don't know bout anyone else but it would surely end mine....

not sure how it wouldn't for anyone else.......

Jun 21 @ 12:59AM  
I watched Hannity and Combs tonight on Fox News Network, and that woman was on their show. She's an older woman who was either very nervous shaking all over the place when answering the questions, and/or she has a case of parkinsons. Not sure. But I was nit impressed with her logic, and neither were the hosts of the show tonight.

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Could An Affair Save A Marriage??