This blog is gonna be depressing so it ya don't wanna be depressed....then don't read it! It also contains material that will most likely provoke a number of people and comments are set for approval...just so you know this ahead of time.
Yanno, every New Year's day...without exception I have high hopes...THIS year it's gonna be different...this is gonna be MY year. I don't set my sights or goals beyond reason and I know every year will present a certain amount of disappointments and challenges...that is life.
This year I really thought would be a good one for me. I'd waded through murky waters emotionally since my husband died in Feb. '03 and I was finally pulling it all together. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt what I want....and don't want.
For weeks I struggled through paperwork, phone calls and appointments and through certain agencies I began to receive some much needed financial help with medical bills and prescriptions. It appeared my financial woes, although not remedied at least were managable...I could breathe.
In the "romance department"....I had settled some issues within myself and set the ground rules and felt fairly secure that within these boundaries I could side step those men who only want to play the sex games...be they in cyberspace or local.
I can't say for sure when it all began to fall apart. I do know that the financial part and the romance part are all woven together like a tightly knitted rope that would eventually leave me hanging out to dry...tightening ever so gradually to squeeze the very enjoyment of life outta me.
Was it the rise of gas prices? My electric bill going up? The first... or second time my car broke down? Was it the shock of the ever rising price of food? Was it one of the times I refused medical treatment because I couldn't afford it? Was it making the decision to only visit my 96 yr. old Mother once a month because I have to make one tank of gas last a month until my S/S comes in again? Was it knowing that I pretty much have to stay home 24/7 because I can't afford to go anywhere or have a social life?
After putting my foot down on being used by men, was it "R" or "D" or "H" or "P" who proved to me that I can't trust men's word...or my own judgement in the romance department? Is being treated with respect asking too much? Is expecting men to have some manners in public and sensitivity to others feelings expecting too much? Is expecting them to have some compassion, consideration and a little intelligence asking too much? Well apparently so.
Reality is...this country is in big trouble. Prices are choking the very life outta everyone...not just me. With the recent flooding it's a guarantee for higher prices in the grocery stores...gas isn't gonna quit rising anytime soon, along with utilities and everything else that touches our lives.
I learned last night that my grandson is going to lose his job...not a surprise as he works for one of the biggest motor home companies that is rapidly being toppled by fuel cost. His brother has been laid off from there for some time now and with all his efforts has been unable to acquire work and is thinking of joining the Navy...just to survive. His brother doesn't have this option..he has a little boy to raise. I am scared outta my wits for them both.
My oldest daughter and her husband bought a home and now they're being jerked around over taxes that our government can change the rules at anytime no matter how they try to get it straightened out and they are just getting bled dry.
Reality is seeing people scrambling to survive when there is nothing to hang onto, no light at the end of the tunnel...and a government that doesn't care as long as we have a dime left to send other countries...hand outs for everyone except America. Handouts for non-citizens within our country and to hell with 'we the people'.
Reality is seeing corporations sending jobs out of the country while the upper level corporate executives live high off the hog paying themselves astronomical wages and that also pertains to those in the government. It's seeing so called sports "heroes" and celebrities collecting ridiculous wages just to entertain the masses to support outrageous homes and cars and lifestyle while America goes down the tubes.
Reality is seeing the absolute moral decay of a country that was founded on principles and honor and integrity. It's watching God being driven out of every facet of our basic American heritage...what America's foundation was built on. In this, it's watching the minority rule over the majority. Take God out of America and we will fail and fall and be no different than those countries who worship a dead "god"...be it budda or cows or whatever they perceive as worthy of worship.
Reality is seeing a new "god"....promiscuity and total lack of restraint. Every perverted act of sex is becoming the "norm"...and those who fight against it are considered ignorant and old fashioned and we should be tarred and feathered and run outta America on a rail.
To have a high moral standard today guarantees one will be standing alone. Now it's free sex/intimate encounters/friends with benefits and the categories for sexual perversions is endless and growing.
Continued in comments.....
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read more blogs!
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soft_touch938
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Jun 12 @ 4:33PM
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People are desperate for any kind of diversion from the reality of America going down that slippery slope into failure to be the leading country of the world and sex seems to be "it". People fail to see that morals and integrity...the lack of them is the cause of this failure and instead of trying to regain ground, they just jump on the bandwagon and ride with the rest of the fools.
And why not? American citizens doesn't stand a chance when our government is the ticket takers and engineers of this train. It would take Americans to take a united stand and demand changes...and this ain't gonna happen. Our children, grandchildren, great grandchildren are gonna pay the price for out lackadaisical ways of..."oh well, if ya can't lick 'em join 'em".
Marriage is defunct and outdated anymore...many men doesn't want to make a commitment...and why should they want to? How the hell is a man suppose to support a family anymore? Besides...few people, both men and women take commitment seriously anymore. After all, when you get married and shit hits the fan then the standard answer to that anymore is to quit...have an affair or two or three...get a divorce and repeat it all over again. Your kids welfare and security isn't that important anyway..they'll survive one way or another. (of course some marriages need ending for good reasons...so don't bite my ass that you think I believe in staying married no matter what.) There was a time when people had a time of being engaged...time that was spent getting to really know one another and discussing all the things possible that encompassed having a marriage that would succeed....kids, finances, beliefs, how they'd handle disagreements and ect. Now they get together, have damn good sex and off to the altar they go thinking all that good sex will carry them through any problems.
I don't have any answers and I certainly don't know who does...well I do but that too is outdated and not up for discussion here. I do believe America's course is set and spiralling fast...and our safety net has been effectively removed.
Like everyone else, financially I keep plugging along, doing what I can to stay afloat. As for my "romance department"...I know what I want and I'll not settle for less. It does sadden me that my "rules" probably will effectively lock me out of ever being half of a couple again. I can accept that and live with it....it's far better than the alternative.
Now...if you've read this far and you are inclined to comment, you know my rules. Obviously part of this blog involves religion and like it or not...I am a believer and if you're not...keep that to yourself as I will not allow this blog being turned into a religious debate or grounds for assault against Christianity. Freedom of speech and beliefs? Yeah...you've got it so if you have a bone to pick, make it in a personal e-mail. I have the freedom of choice to keep inappropriate or vicious comments out of my blogs. You can disagree with me on any part of my blog and I will allow it as long as it's not put in a way as to inflame a blog war.
I read awhile back something I didn't know. How many times have I heard people raise the issue of "freedom of speech" when bloggers had their settings on "must be approved"?? Well did you know that freedom of speech does not cover you in my home? In other words, you cannot come into my home and say whatever you want.
Now go ahead and argue with me that posting a blog is public domain. Yet is it? As long as I follow AMD's rules, they give me space in my username to air my thoughts and opinions...that space belongs to me...sorta like renting my home and as long as I don't abuse it, it belongs to me. I have the right to filter what comes into my space. This blog is in my name...AMD sets the overall rules and under my username I have every right to set my own sub-rules...it's my home.
You have the right not to read material from my "home". You have the responsibility to treat my "home" with respect and dignity. If you don't then my rules prevail.
Soft Touch
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mrknowuwell
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Jun 12 @ 4:54PM
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reality iz.....u retire frum the military.....go 2 school ...git that degree....n still cant git a job.....n mc donalds wont even hire ya 2 flip burgers 
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juliecd
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Jun 12 @ 6:53PM
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There is nothing to add to your comments when everything you say is true.The morals in this country has deteriated so much that a person really can`t find a relationship that was our dream
to have based on the morals we were taught.
Very well written blog and right on target.
Julie Lynne
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sugarnspice005
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Jun 12 @ 8:00PM
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Softie....I found nothing "depressing" in your blog. What I saw was truth. And a whole lot of it.
And just for the record...my stance on religion has always been...I respect those for their beliefs as long as they respect mine. And I leave it at that. It's not up to me to change anyone's mind...and I expect the same respect back.
I too keep "plugging along" financially...being the ever optimistic hoping it will get better.
kudo to you lady.  
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Irridum
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Jun 12 @ 8:27PM
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This has to be one of the best written, plain spoken and most accurate articles I have had the honor to read in a very long time.
I see people I have known about for years losing everything because they are having to choose between feeding & caring for their kids or paying bills. These are not people who lived extravagently or beyond their means. These are people who saved religiously, never wasted money and bought what easily affordable homes a few years ago.
I have lost track of the "new era homeless" people I have met in the last few months.
I have been paying my daughters & my ex wifes mortages for the last few months because the rise in fuel costs is eating over 40% of their paychecks.
I came home last Tuesday & found one of my neighbors sitting in the middle of the empty lot where her home was crying & holding a note from her husband that simply said " I can't afford you anymore". He had taken off with their home and everything with it leaving her and her 2yr old daughter with nothing but her car & the clothes they had on.
Our country is going to hell. Drowning is a sea of greed and corruption. Like all empires before it, the day is coming when the weight of decedence will eventually crush it's foundations and collaps it.
The days of families, friends and neighbors banding together to keep to keep home & communities strong and healthy are gone and with it the very heart and soul of what made this the greatest nation on earth.
The right to say what you want, belive in what you want and to live your life your way in your home is one of the most sacred things that our forefathers and many of us living today have fought, sacrificed and shed blood for. Many of our children are fighting & dying for those same beliefs today.
If someone does not like what you have to say in your home then show them the door & they can take their butt to there own home and excersize their paid for in blood right to whine there!
Kudo's to you & I pray things improve for you healthwise and in the romance department.
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soft_touch938
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Jun 12 @ 8:31PM
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Thank you Julie for your comment.
There's something I'd like to add here. Some in AMD know me and have read some of my writings...many with detailed sexual content. For those who may be thinking I'm being hypocritical, the answer to that is NO.
I've never hidden the fact that I have been "Peck's bad girl"...I've been there/done that. But fortunately, lately I've seen the road I was traveling was nothing more than a dead end street. I didn't like the person I was seeing in my mirror everyday. No one can change that except me.
I CAN be in an adult site without displaying the kind of behavior that doesn't make me proud of who I am. I do not judge anyone here...I certainly haven't room to talk. But I do judge ME...and I know what hurts ME and I know when it's time to make changes.
I'm still very much capable of mistakes...I can still talk like a drunken sailor...I can still have fun with sexual word play...but I am trying to tone it down. It's a matter of balance and I'm working on it.
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wtxman
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Jun 12 @ 9:13PM
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Not at all depressing. Great blog 
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casuallylooking
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Jun 12 @ 9:38PM
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Bonnie, I have a whole lot of things I could say about this blog..but I will simply applaude you for a wonderfully written, heart felt, honest opinion....  
I send you best wishes for your financial and romantic burdens... as well as hoping all gets well with your loved ones. It's difficult to watch them struggle, especially when there's not a thing you can do to help. I know that despair and how badly it tears at your heart.
Yes, this country is in a mess, and those who can do anything about it, don't even see it...The rest of us suffer, hope and pray for it to all get better. For all involved.
Take care my friend and gentle hugs to you...
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soft_touch938
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Jun 12 @ 9:57PM
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It's been brought to my attention that some may think with my setting for pre-approval that I'm not allowing anyone to disagree with me. That is not so. Here is what I told that person...
If you and I were sitting over coffee and disagreed on something a friendly discussion would follow. But you know as well as I do that these kind of blogs brings shit stirrers outta the woodwork. Too many people just want to argue anything to entertain themselves.
When this happens, the point of the blog is lost. I never said they couldn't make a comment of disagreement...I will approve it as long as it's not inflammatory, trashing Christians or totally asinine. They must stay on subject and present it with dignity and respect. I don't think that's asking too much.
It's my understanding that blogs are for a persons opinions and thoughts with people making comments. Forums are for discussions and debating. Unfortunately when a blog is written that is sensitive then people wanna jump on it and argue...it is my responsibility...according to AMD... to keep arguments and flamming out of my comments. And it's my choice whether to post in blogs or forums...I don't have the patience for forums and the disrespect that I see there. I choose blogging.
That's my perogative folks...you always have the avenue of personal e-mail although I know that isn't as much fun as raising hell publicly...what can I say... 
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clickedanad2
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Jun 12 @ 11:40PM
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there's no quick fix - no miracle cure
and we can't wait for the government to fix what we broke
we have to change - as individuals - as a society
it's not just this country
the entire planet's goin' down the tubes
people quit caring - about others - about all things that didn't impact them on a daily basis
"we" focused on ourselves and our lives
and ignored all else
this is a wake up call
"we" fucked up
now
"we" have to begin to fix what we fucked up
ride out the storm, softy
it's gets worse before it gets better
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ynot7769
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Jun 13 @ 7:56PM
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well...when reality sucks........alter it 
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