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Giving without Getting (Part 2)

posted 6/1/2008 4:11:52 PM |
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tagged: love, hurt, relationships, expectations
  enchanted50

(cont'd)

We've been sooo trained to believe the other should take care of our hearts, we should trust, and do all these things that take our eyes off seeing the world as it is...and instead looking and believing it will be as we want it. But it can't be as we want it...unless we want the world as it is. The gift of another's life, their spirit and voice, their story and song, are rare gifts. Wouldn't it make sense for us to learn to drink deeply of each other's gifts, while giving of our gifts deeply, without measure, and while being fully prepared for tomorrow not looking like today?

Are the issues around 'playahs' more about them, or more about ourselves? Are they issues because we are so disconnected from the reality of frail human beings who simply have a hard time living up to who and what they say they want to do and be? Haven't we all wrestled with our own efforts to live up to something and fallen short of it?

I never ever thought I'd be divorced. Made no sense to me. Yet, it was I who left, and not because she was some awful person, or she did some awful thing. I left because I wanted to sprint, and she wanted to stroll. The life tension was suffocating me.

That's who we are...people who are different, people who can go this mile...but not the next. Aren't changes easier to wrestle with if when we look at each other, and acknowledging the frailty, we check in with some regularity to see how things are, and knowing things change, can allow ourselves to both share and hear that change? We don't fear one another then...we know one another. My desire is for the best for you...not the best for me at the cost of the best for you.

May I suggest, that it isn't in the giving of the heart that one finds pain...it is in the expectation of what should come back because one does give one's heart. I think it's important to separate the two pieces, because if one watches one's emotions closely, if one gives with condition...the expectation of something coming back...a.) one doesn't give completely, because one is waiting for the exchange, for the tit for tat, so don’t give too much, in case ‘tat’ is too small, and b.) one gives hesitantly...thinking the heart, the gift of one's life is some sort of limited resource that as one gives, one loses some of the resource, so it’s important to protect the limited resource, and give it sparingly.

Note how if you give of yourself because it is the most powerful place of learning and self-growth, if we give with abandon, love without limits and conditions, are fully present in the world with the gift of our life to share, we don't look at the world afraid of what will happen...we look to the world for where can such a gift be offered and shared, i.e., where is opportunity to open one's life to the world available.

The model in our head is looking for an end point. We want to find someone with whom to build 'forever.' If I make you laugh for 10 days, learn new things, about the world and yourself, make it possible for you to feel things you've never felt before...why is it that we can't celebrate the awesomeness of that moment of 10 days, instead of hurt and accuse and label and rage about being led on, being manipulated, being used, being abandoned? You ran the road with me to the cliff's edge for 10 days...and we drank of life in a cup that overflows. Shouldn't our heads be bowed in humble thanks that the universe so overflowed that for 10 days...I saw of the world, tasted of the world, things I never had?

That's what we would do if we took a 10-day vacation. But note how the mind knew, expected, 10 days of vacation to end, and so yes...sadness it ended...but no reeling in the head to find reason and justification and all the rest of the junk we do. Think if we had 10 days, and the other died? Again, a shift in expectations and suddenly we’re so thankful for the 10 days. Why can’t we simply be thankful all the time, regardless of how the death comes to us – abandonment, betrayal, heart attack?

Each of our breaths...a gift. Why must they have measure??? Your life...a singular event in 15 billion years of universe aborning...how can it have measure? And if yours can’t…what does it mean to say ‘They didn’t deserve you!’????

Pain is the mind's urging that you let go previous expectations and understandings so you can see and engage the universe more for what it is, instead of what you expected, what you wanted it to be...it is the shattering of the shell encasing your understanding (Gibran). Revel in it. Listen to it for what it is which is simply a deep request that the perceiver look again, without bias, and see the world for what is...not what it is desired to be...

Give because life simply...is...giving. Drink deeply...because my cup runneth over.

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Blogs by enchanted50:
Giving without Getting (Part 2)
Giving without Getting (Part 1)
Herds and norms


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girlcountry

Jun 1 @ 8:56PM  
Very good blog and thought provoking....you have some valid points and ones worth thinking about....now give me some time and I may be able to get my thoughts in order....

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Giving without Getting (Part 2)