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Fuck my life

posted 5/31/2008 3:42:49 AM |
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I'm in a very lonely place right now.

So for those of you that didn't know, my partner and I are in an open relationship. The rules are that we can sleep with other people, and have friends with benefits, but no romantic relationships. Obviously, with her being a beautiful girl, and me being a bit of a schlub, things are a bit lopsided. I've got a few female friends that, once in a great while, sleep with me, either out of boredom or wanting some BDSM and not knowing many others in the lifestyle, and occasionally I'll get the one-night-stand with some girl in a bar.
My partner, on the other hand, has a stable of suitors that read like the cast of The Bachelorette- doctors, lawyers, C.E.O.s, etc.

That was a month ago. Things have gone downhill since them. The FWBs have started to dry up. I just found out this week that a girl I was seeing, and with whom I had a really good chemistry, is going to be unavailable till at least early next year. She was really the only girl other than my partner I'd been with in a while. My partner and I used to go out together, helping each other out (ok... she helped me out) and swinging with other couples/women. We only went out looking for sex individually once in a while.

Now she's starting to go out without me more and more. Just these past few days she's been spending every night at another couple's house. They swap, except instead of swapping with me, they've got a single friend of theirs fucking the other girl in my stead. I'm friends with all of them, and It's not like the other guy is ten times better looking than me. I'm not invited.

We're damn near broke right now, so going out to clubs looking for it is pretty much out. Whenever my partner goes out with a guy, he pays, so no matter how broke she gets she'll be fine. Really the only reliable place for me is the swingers' club, which I can't go to without her. She's not really interested in going, since she gets it so easily without going there. It's been over a week since we've had sex with each other. I've expressed my concerns to her, that I miss her and wish she'd leave some time for us together, and she is always sympathetic, but the next day it's back to the same old routine. It's not that she's a bad person or doesn't care about me. She's just very impulsive, and doesn't possess the presence of mind or the discipline to stop herself from doing something that will hurt someone if it feels good. That's partly why we opened up the relationship.

I really do enjoy the open relationship. We don't fight nearly as much. We used to resent each other for the things we weren't allowed to do, and now that we can, we have much less tension. We always loved each other, but it wasn't until we opened up the relationship that we became best friends again. I love being able to go out (when I can) and sleep with other women- I love sampling all the shapes, sizes, and flavors. But how does one survive these rough spots? It's almost like being single again. Not getting it from other women, and not getting it from my partner lately, either. She keeps telling me she's sorry I'm having so much trouble, and that she'll make time for me, but I'll believe it when I see it.


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May 31 @ 7:31AM  
welcome to the womderful life of a SINGLE guy.

Open relationship, seriously. You had to know ( unless you are the Dr. Lawyer, CEO, type) that it would be like this.

To each his own though.


May 31 @ 8:42AM  
Sounds to me like she's moving on...

May 31 @ 9:37AM  
you are young all of 21 and I am sure know that there is not much more in life than this moment.. I am assuming your partner is also your age, both of you are so young that moving on is pretty normal in most relationships formed at this age.. heck my daughter is 22 and she has had several relationships that have come and gone.. This is the nature of being young. But yeah sounds like you woman is moving on and has no heart to tell you, hoping that you will find your own way... Sorry dude...

May 31 @ 9:37AM  
It sounds as though you and your partner have violated the first cardinal rule for having a successful open relationship........

What rule is that?.........YOUR PARTNER COMES FIRST !!

When you begin to forgo sex with your partner for sex with others, it is CHEATING.

As Ash said.....She's moving on....time for you to cut the strings and move on yourself....and next time, establish the ground rules BEFORE opening up your relationship.

May 31 @ 10:23AM  
I have to agree with the other comments: she does seem to be moving on; you need to have a heart to heart talk with her

May 31 @ 10:43AM  
Damn, I can't offer any kind of advice...I just know this is why I worry about open relationships. I think I'd prefer to just have a few NSA friends than to have one that is "mine" but shared. I think...hard to say.

I hope things get better for you!

May 31 @ 12:06PM  
I am sorry that you are in an emotional valley right now. Everyone experiences what you are right now but it still hurts. Hang in there.

May 31 @ 2:44PM  
evild I am sorry for your pain......but damnit if that ain't one good reason why an open relationship would NEVER EVER work for me. Not in this life time would I put myself willing through something like that!

May 31 @ 2:51PM  
Sorry to say buddy, you're fucked, or not, the lady is moving on without you. It's rare that 2 people are in the same mindset and space at the same time, those are the hazards of an "open relationship". Everything sounds rosy when you want to sample other fruits but when the scale is out of balance, you lose. Personally I don't think there is any way to go back and start again, this girl's lost and it's time to find a new one and consider your choices and ramifications a little more closely next time.

May 31 @ 9:30PM  
my partner and I are in an open relationship. The rules are that we can sleep with other people, and have friends with benefits, but no romantic relationships.

I feel for ya on this one. I have never been in this situation up until recently. It's hard for me to see other people regardless of an open relationship that I have now been in for a month now. Kim and I still love each other, but it seems that her loving sex too much and being in a long distance relationship with me had made her so moody before she approached me with this. I didn't know what to say when I heard this, but I agreed with that open relationship thing. I know know how anyone else feels, but I still can't go out there and know that I'm still somewhat of an item with someone and have sex with anyone that just comes along. I'm an old fashion kind of guy in some ways, and I can't see how anyone can honestly do this while still being in love with someone. I think it's for the birds. Right now I'm stuck in this thing until I get out there in July. We'll see what happens...

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Fuck my life