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posted 5/24/2008 12:45:20 PM |
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Becoming Illegal
(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin:

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one, and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year, so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college-age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA
Get your Forms (NOW)!!
Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.

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post a comment!


May 24 @ 12:49PM  
Now if we could only get our heavy manufacturers to figure out a way to Import American made products into the United States with the same benefits the foreign competition enjoys we'd be good.

May 24 @ 2:43PM  
I also hope that this guy doesn't speak english at all he can get some stuff with that too... smile

May 24 @ 2:57PM  
great blog

May 24 @ 8:07PM  
And don't forget, if an alien woman gives birth in the US, the child is an automatic American citizen, they can stay here permanently, and the parents can fight extradition.

May 24 @ 9:41PM  
He should also ask to get deported to Canada perhaps and then come back to the US after a few weeks.... Consider it a vacation with paid travel expenses....

May 25 @ 8:54AM  
Born here, Can't have kids, All I speak is bad english.... Crap Scred by the system again!!

May 25 @ 8:54AM  
Can't spell this morning either

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