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[e51] Seeking your experience and/ wisdom

posted 5/16/2008 9:38:08 AM |
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Okay, here's the scenario:

My 9yo comes to me in a frantic saying "mom, shh I need to tell you something. Me and the 12yo (by marriage) were sharing secrets. I know I shouldn't tell it but it's bad. "

me "okay what it is"
9yo "12yo, when she's with this one gal (damn hooker slut that needs to tie her legs together....and she's only 14.. don't even get me started on that family )
they have been sneeking liquor and drinking it"

So okay I have not taken action yet cause I need to talk to the source the alcohol came from right?! But even after I take care of that situation, WHAT THE HELL PUNISHMENT DO YOU GIVE TO THIS CHILD....... other than beating her senseless! I just have never imagined having to do this. She's got something not quite right in her mind in the first place. Seriously, I think she is retarded to a degree. And I'm being serious, I'm not picking at her. You can just tell when you talk to her or punish her or yell... whatever, the wheels just aren't turning up there like they should be.

Anyways, suggestions would be oh so greatly appreciated. My husband won't take care of it until I do, he just... I don't know, it has nothing to do with cars, so I guess it's not his problem. j/k

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May 16 @ 9:46AM  
The alcohol is probably right in their own home. Since you already mentioned not to get you started about that family... it gives me an impression that they live a way of life not on par with your own. Which means, they'll likely tell you to MYOB, or deny anything.

You might want to consider letting a school counselor know and keep yourself anonymous, but continue to stress to your own it's a no-no, and get your 12 year old to find new friends and be involved in activities separate from 14 year old.

May 16 @ 9:50AM  
I think I followed this.... No matter what communication is the key and Dad needs to be involved rather than passing it off to you. Don't mean to be judgmental. Sorry...keep them out of the alcohol at that age no matter what...later there will be real problems and I guess it has not changed much since I was a kid in the caveman days. We liked to sneak alcohol, smoke and kiss girls..I was about...14. They are experimenting I guess with peer pressure and need new directions to get interested in I think. Just my opinion for what it is worth. Probably not much since all the kids I know belong to someone else but there are good people here that will have good perspectives on this I assure you.

May 16 @ 9:52AM  
yeah see??? comment before mine with some will get more too...

May 16 @ 10:59AM  
I have no idea if this will work for you. I'd confront the 12 y/o not with questons so as not to give her an opportunity to fib to you. Just tell her up front that you and her Dad KNOW she's been sneaking liquor with her 14 y/o friend. I'd have my mind made up about punishment after a private discussion with her Dad before the meeting....AND, I'd insist her Dad be present. I really feel it's important for both parents to share whatever is done with your child.

No reason to get involved with the 14 y/o's family. From your comment, it would be totally useless, anyway. I had that experience, too. In my case, the son was using 'Downers' and I knew it. The Dad waited until I returned home and called me alot of names over the phone.

Anyway..........this worked for me. Good Luck.

May 16 @ 11:14AM  
the punishment IS my problem. I know the other family doesn't care, and my daughter doesn't give a flying flip about what's right or wrong.

And no, making her drink til she pukes won't do it, just make her an alcoholic later on in life.

Like I said, beating her black and blue won't cut it.

ooooooh what about, have her do a research on diseases from alcohol and write me a paper on it? too schoolish maybe? but it'd educate her on it more.

i don't know still

May 16 @ 12:28PM  
when she's with this one gal (damn hooker slut that needs to tie her legs together....and she's only 14

Not meaning to Butt in, but it appears as though drinking is the LEAST thing you need to be concerned about.

I would place a phone call, (or visit them in person, whichever you feel more comfortable with) and inform them that your 12yo is being given alcohol to drink while in their care and control and you will not tolerate it. Granted, they will deny it and claim no knowledge of it happening, but stand firm and INSIST they get control of the situation. And inform them that should your 12yo receive any more alcohol from them, or their daughter, you will be filing charges with the local police department as well as Child Welfare.

Do not engage them in any verbal (or physical) confrontation...simply tell them what you are going to do ...then DO it. punishment for the 12yo....but do confront her with the situation....and don't let her know the 9yo told on her.....let her think the 14yo's parents told you...

Good luck......

May 16 @ 1:30PM  
You really wanna mess with her? Take her to an AA meeting and tell her that people who drink have to go there.

May 16 @ 6:18PM  
I pretty sure that your 12y/o is going to find out who told (kids aren't stoopid) and you might want to worry about what might happen if those girls get your 9y/o in on the big secret :y

May 16 @ 7:43PM  
I also have a 12 year old and a 9 year old, and I know that after finding out such information, there'd be no way in hell that I'd ever allow my daughter in the same situation again. Obviously the 14 year old is a bad influence to some degree, so it would probably be best to limit their contact (if not cut it out altogether).

Just my opinion...

May 17 @ 10:16AM  
At least you understand that a beating is NOT productive at this age.

Talk to her like an adult, because she is a young adult. Explain the dangers of alcohol abuse and also that it IS illegal. That does not mean much at 12, but mention that IF she wants to drive a car when she turns 16, then she needs to stay clean between now and then or she will do a LOT of walking before she turns 18.

Next....... pick an appropriate punishment and STICK WITH IT. I remember in HS kids would say they were grounded "for life" and be back out and about the next weekend. Be real.

At that age, taking away priviliges is your best option. BUT....... replace that time with chores. Lots of chores. Otherwise, a bored kid with nothing to do will fine even MORE trouble to get into.

When I talked to my kids, I told them what their options were (good AND bad) and told them what I would advise they should do....... but I also told them that I could not MAKE them do anything. The choice was theirs. Make bad choices, you get punished. Make good choices, you can enjoy yourself...... but always the choice was theirs. I know it sounds subtle...... but absolutely forbidding them to do anything is really a challenge to see if they can get away with it. Make them responsible for their choices and actions in life.

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[e51] Seeking your experience and/ wisdom